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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28308141">A Twist in My Story</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yousquashedit/pseuds/yousquashedit'>yousquashedit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Tags to Be Added, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fantasy Violence, Hurt/Comfort, POV Alternating, Sprinkle will outlive everyone out of spite, background beauyasha, google translate zemnian, in d&amp;d death doesn't have to be permanent, magic is a love language, minor fjorester but not endgame, no beta we die like men, the real friend was the plot we found along the way, trigger warning: panic attacks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:16:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>76,330</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28308141</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yousquashedit/pseuds/yousquashedit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon compliant through 2x120</p><p>The Mighty Nein defeat the Tombtakers, but Aeor rises. Caleb and Jester are separated from the Nein in the aftermath. They can only hope it won't be for long. They have a disaster to stop. And a lot to face before they're finished.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>165</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>None of them had been truly confident going in, no matter what they had said to reassure each other at the time. The icy tunnels around them seemed even darker as they moved away from the main ruin of what was once a magical wonder. A wonder that was enough of a threat to cause the warring gods to pause their own fight to stop an even more imminent danger. To unite, even temporarily. The Mighty Nein could only hope the rest of Exandria could do the same--put aside their differences, look beyond their squabbles, to see the danger looming in the bigger picture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb set his globules of light overhead as they hurried back toward the surface. The thick ice beneath his boots seemed to slide and crack with each step. Yasha and Beauregard had rushed ahead, checking the maze of tunnels around them for another escape route. They hadn't much choice. After the tunnel they had first followed into the heart of the Aeor ruins had collapsed from the quaking, they knew they had to tread quickly and carefully if they were going to get out of there alive. The Wildmother had confirmed to Caduceus that there was another way out, they just had to find it before it caved in too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The warmth from a healing spell filled him from the inside and Caleb threw a grateful smile to Caduceus who nodded back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's the last one I've got," he said with a head shake. "Hopefully we can find a safe place to rest soon. Some of us aren't looking too good after all… That." He gestured behind them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb glanced back toward the tunnel they'd just left. He wished he'd had more time, which was an ever-recurring theme in his life, apparently. Never enough. No wonder mages had searched for centuries to circumvent time and its consequences. Caleb had been tempted a time or few himself, but the mere sight of that living city merging from the astral plane into theirs, taking root in the leftover ruins of a fallen endeavor had been enough to teach him. The body that once belonged to a friend lying slain on the ground, grin still on his face, was enough. It should have been the first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Caleb?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started. "Ja. What?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus gave him a sad smile, his hand coming down on Caleb's shoulder. "We'll stop them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The Nein of us? Even the gods couldn't prevent this."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, it won't be tonight, but I trust we'll start coming up with a plan after some rest."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb sighed at his optimism. "Unfortunately, I'm a bit tapped at the moment. The dome will have to do tonight."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cad shrugged, rubbing his hands together. "We've done it before." He nodded back to the front. "I'd better go help keep a lookout."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb watched him go. The rest were just as tapped. Everyone had given everything to that fight, and had come out bloody and bruised. Veth insisted on helping to scout ahead to check for signs of unstable tunnels. Fjord stuck toward the front too, his sword raised as much for light as protection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Each beam of light seemed almost to bend around them. The ice shone oddly with what little bits they were able to produce. Its strange reflective reverberation made them all as disoriented as the prison had back in Xhorhas. There might be magic behind it too, but nobody had it in them to even try to cancel it out. Whatever this force was seemed to be causing the changes in their magic. The closer they got to Aeor proper, the worse it had been. Veth's invisibility spell had given out back there. Jester had managed to cast polymorph when Caleb had failed, but it hadn't worked quite right. It should've lasted longer, but the spell seemed to give out right from under her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb looked back again and noticed Jester some twenty feet or so behind him, her eyes vacant. It was her spell that sent Lucien falling to the ground. His hand had latched around her wrist as he fell and then Fjord was there driving that glowing sword right into his heart and twisting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn't known. None of them had been able to talk about Molly's death in that much detail. But the similarity wasn't lost on Caleb. Every beat of his heart had rung in his ears from the moment that sword pierced Lucien's chest, to the blood he spat in Fjord's face. His eyes never shut. Beau and Veth probably felt the same, though they were coping in far different ways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veth was sticking close to Fjord like the mother she was. For once, she wasn't teasing or picking at him. It was as if she thought she could hide the wounds his action had reopened if she could just be kind enough to him. He'd thrown himself into the task of getting them the fuck out of there and she'd attached herself to his side, silently begging to be of use.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau on the other hand couldn't get away fast enough. She said she wanted to scout ahead to see if she could rule out any of the tunnels and save time, but Caleb spotted some unshed tears and expected she just wanted to get far enough away that her sobs wouldn't echo back. Yasha had followed her, always the only one who could keep up with that girl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb had fallen back. And had fallen silent. A moment of silence wasn't much of a tribute to the loudest and proudest peacock of a man he'd ever met, but Caleb was at a loss for words this time. He'd hoped to at least save the body--to at least give them the option of attempting to get Molly back at some point. But time had never been on his side. The ground had begun to shake under their feet and they knew that, though they'd taken out the Tombtakers, their ritual had been successful. The ice began to fall in chunks around them and the sight of that horrible thing as it fused with the ruins left his whole body cold and unresisting as Beau tugged him out and away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hiked for hours, the aftershocks still coming now and again. Every time, they moved quickly and let out a collective breath when their surroundings held.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb had taken the rear so that Fjord wouldn't notice that he couldn't look him in the eyes. And as he looked at Jester, he realized that that problem hadn't started today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had barely been two weeks since the day those strange statues had stolen five years of her life, but in that time Caleb knew something had happened between Jester and Fjord. They hadn't said anything, but their dynamic had shifted a touch. The way they unconsciously leaned toward each other, the way they stayed within arms reach, her smile when their eyes met, each touch stolen when they thought no one was looking. But Caleb was always watching her. He couldn't help it. And each brush of their fingers both broke and healed his heart. He was happy for them, even as his soul shriveled a bit. He hadn't been sure until the end of the battle, though. The way Fjord had unceremoniously ended Lucien for laying a hand on her. And it was Fjord who had taken her hand. Had pulled Jester from that chamber. They had grown closer from that first close call even if they kept it quiet. Even if now wasn't the time to really explore it, something had changed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now she couldn't be further from him. And he wasn't reaching for her. So perhaps something else had also broken back there. Her eyes definitely hinted at that. They were mostly downcast, but when she caught Caleb looking at her, they darted around. Unseeing. The mask of cheeriness she usually wore was utterly gone and she was lost without it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone copes with pain differently. Some hide in muck and squalor and internally flog themselves. Some hide in smiles and sparkles and brandish kindness like a weapon--a literal lollypop-shaped weapon--to beat back the tears. The day the Nein came together as one, they were all wearing their own masks. Nott's was the only one that was physical. They've gradually taken them off. Fjord talks like himself now. Yasha's physical changes, clearly tied to facing down her own demons, are second only to Veth's. Beau has dropped the who-gives-a-shit attitude because she truly does give a shit, even if giving a shit is more painful to her than a tavern brawl. All of them know Caleb's past now. And they're still here. This family they built only became stronger with each unveiling. And though Caleb was the only one to see through Jester's mask after her ordeal with the Iron Shepherds, they all will today. At least, if they're looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb purposefully slowed his steps to fall back in stride with Jester. They walked in silence. Because she hadn't said much in hours and what could he say? Caleb wasn't very good at comfort. He always relied on his magic to do the talking for him in situations like that. And magic was the one thing he was virtually out of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester on the other hand was great at comfort. He knew she hated to see those she cared for in pain and had always sought to make them laugh their way through it. But she was out of smiles to give him and though he was selfish, he wasn't selfish enough to try to force her to smile for his benefit.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I just want to say that I know what you went through today in the cell was very, very hard, and probably didn’t go the way you were hoping it would. So if you need anyone to talk to about it or anything, I’m here for you, okay?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice still rang in his ears the way it had back in Xhorhas. He could remember exactly how her hands felt in his. The way her eyes seemed to see right to the core of him and he hadn't been able to look away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He'd almost said it that day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her kindness to him after seeing him like that had surprised him and he had thought she was done doing that. Foolishly. She would never stop surprising him. Her compassion and fortitude caught him off guard in unexpected ways. He knew she was kinder and stronger than he'd ever been, but the depths of that now seemed bottomless. And he only ever fell deeper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb remembered everything Jester had ever said to him. The curse and blessing of a good memory; nothing ever leaves. Even the things that should have probably faded some with time were as clear as if they'd happened just that morning. From the moment they met to the sorrowful silence they were sharing in the ice caves of Eiselcross, every moment had settled into his heart. He thought he knew when it'd begun, but the clarity of those memories told him it'd been coming on for so long, he could only pinpoint the moment he realized it. Had it been truly from the start? Had it been in the streets of Zadash when they fought over money? Or the caves below the city when they made up from it? Maybe that night with the dodecahedron? She'd flirted so shamelessly and he'd… Blushed. He'd held her hand as he dived into the unknown, safe in the knowledge that, whatever happened, they were together. Really, by the time he danced drunkenly with her in a tavern, Caleb was already long gone. He probably hadn't known her a month before his heart was hers. She was magnetic like that. Whether he deserved her or not, she was a part of him forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he didn't know what to do or say or how to comfort her but maybe he didn't need to do anything but stand by her side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And maybe he didn't need to know what to say. Because </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That was hard back there, ja?" He stared straight ahead as he said it, voice low so only she could hear. She stopped walking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Really hard." Her melodic voice was rough. Caleb glanced over at her, but she kept her eyes down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It didn't go the way any of us were probably hoping it would." He reached out and took her wrist--the one Lucien had grabbed--and ran his thumb across the space where her sleeve and glove didn't quite meet. Only the hitch in her breath told him for sure she was still listening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she sniffled and for the first time truly met his gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb squared his shoulders. "So, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. Okay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked up at him uncomprehending for a moment before her eyes lit with recognition. The corner of her mouth twitched up a tick. With a soft breath, Jester bit her lip and nodded. His hand slid down from her wrist to take hers, just for a moment. He squeezed it once, gently, before letting go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked back ahead. The others were already out of sight around a bend in the tunnel. "We should catch up, ja?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ja." She took a deep breath and walked on with a little more vigor in her step.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb stood back and watched for a moment. She'd be crushed about that stain. He made a note to have the cats launder her coat and remove it as soon as they were able to get back to the tower. His fingers twitched to the pocket that still held some unused bandages he'd bought to hide his scars. The large gash on the back of her neck stretched from just below her ear and disappeared down toward her shoulder. It was still bleeding a bit and he wasn't even sure she had processed that it was there. He wanted to pull her back, at least for a moment, to help her bandage it. The dampness of the blood on her skin would definitely make the wind chill outside even colder. And soaked clothing wouldn't help either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He only took a few steps after her, opening his mouth to call her name, when another aftershock hit. The tunnel around them shuddered and Jester tripped over a crack in the ice. Then more ice started to rain from above.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jester! <em>Nein</em>!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb reached for her, stepping as quickly as the uneven and slick ground shaking underneath them would allow. But as always, he was too late. He heard her scream and then it was gone. A large chunk of ice caught the back of her head and she fell limply to the ground. He called for her again, but his breaking voice was lost in the cascade of rock-like ice as the walls in front of him caved in over her unmoving form.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So... I came into the fandom at an <i>interesting</i> time.</p><p>Happy holidays, y'all! Wasn't planning on posting anything until it was finished, but hey. I'm too excited. This has been bouncing around in my head for AWHILE. Like since stupid early in the campaign. I've been playing D&amp;D for a few years, but haven't written much--let alone fanfic--in years so if it's rough around the edges, bear with me. My cute little hurt/comfort fic gained a plot, so buckle up, my new widojest friends. You're gonna suffer, but you're gonna be happy about it. Okay?</p><p>I've got five chapters written and am planning on posting one a week on... Thursdays? Probably? Give or take a few hours...? It'll probably be 8 to 10 chapters long. I say now...</p><p>Comments are appreciated. They feed my soul.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was two chapters, but I decided they were better as one chapter. So it's a long one today, kids.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Caleb felt some of his skin rend as he collided with the wall of ice shards. A particularly jagged piece dug in just above his right cheekbone, but he paid it no heed. His hands dug frantically at the cold, rough surface that buried Jester. One of the nails on his left hand tore a bit, but he pushed on, leaning hard into the pain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could feel some of the ice give way, but the segments falling to the ground were small. No bigger than the dice in his cup the few times he'd attempted gambling in earlier years. His efforts were all but useless, but he couldn't seem to stop. A pull here. A shove there. Nothing was budging those larger pieces and each failed attempt was a colder dagger to his heart than could be found in the chilliest parts of Eiselcross.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tears falling freely from his eyes were freezing on contact with his frigid skin. His hands were growing slicker with every second, the blood coating them smearing the ice in front of him. He had to get her out. There was no way she could've survived all that ice, he knew that. The math was undeniable. But death didn't have to be permanent. It's why he'd wanted to save Mollymauk's body after all. If he could get her to Caduceus, they could fix it. Save her. Caleb just had to get to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he was weak. Squishy, as Jester loved to call him. Blackened fingers burned with the cold. His frantic tearing at the wall was only doing more damage to him. The grit of the tears freezing in his eyes felt like sand. They burned with it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Burning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blinked and his hands weren't cold. His fingertips were only beginning to blacken as he pulled at something hard and crumbling. Not ice now, but wood. Burning wood. His throat was burning too. With smoke and his own screams. He coughed and yelled out to his friends.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Take them out!" The heat burned at his vocal chords. He screamed again. "Take them out!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His heart and soul shattered more with each moment, the pain in his hands nothing compared to the agony within. The sound of his mother's panic-filled voice cracking as she screamed for his father, for Bren, and finally just in pain would ring in his ears for the rest of his life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Astrid! Wulf! Helfen Sie mir!" His voice hadn't cracked like that in years. The smell of searing flesh made his throat burn harder from the bile welling up into his mouth. He spat and continued grabbing at the burning planks. The cart wouldn't budge. Wooden wheels splintered as they charred. His efforts sent the cart crashing against the house as they finally gave way, leaning the body of it harder against the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bren's hands blistered and cracked with the heat but he kept reaching into the flames. He had pulled apart one side of the remains of the now blazing cart and reached out again to rip at the planks at the base. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tilt the other way</span>
  </em>
  <span>, his heart pleaded with the charred wood. But he wasn't strong enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he felt her hands on his shoulders, Bren gave a momentary breath of relief. Astrid. Another pair of hands. Wulf. Ja. Together they could stop this. They could get his family out. To safety. And then they were pulling. On him. Pulling him back. Away from the licking flames. And he could hear her loving voice telling him to stop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Es ist aus, Bren. They're beyond saving, mein liebe."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their grips loosened. And he was almost fast enough to charge the few feet back toward the house, but Astrid's hand gripped his wrist. He turned, placing a hand on the place where her shoulder met her chest and seeing the cold resolution in her eyes he felt anger well up inside him, hotter than the surrounding flames. The fire came suddenly out of his hand and she screamed too, releasing him. He looked back to the house just in time to see the roof cave in as the beams gave way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If his mother's screams had thrown him into this frenzy, the moment they ceased, he froze. His hands rose to his face in horror and he fell to his knees in the dirt before his childhood home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tried to breathe and blink it all away. The icy chill sank back into his bones as he leaned, shaking, breath heaving, against the wall of ice. He wished in that moment he'd tried harder when wrestling with Eadwulf as children. Caleb had never really put up much of a fight when they were boys. He'd just taken the losses and bruises to his pride and retreated to the library. To his books, where everything came easy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His books.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He reached into his bag for those old bandages, still folded and clean in a pocket and used them to staunch the bleeding. He pulled out more and quickly wrapped his hands in that practiced way he'd done every day when he was still hiding from himself much less his friends. He flicked his fingers and a few more globules popped into existence to replace the ones the cave-in had snuffed out. A gesture pulled them closer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"It's the gesture, Jester."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"That's my name!"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took a shuddering breath and pulled his spellbook into his lap. Caleb always could feel time passing with each breath. The thing about losing eleven years of your life was that once time was yours again, you wanted to hold on to every moment. The seconds, minutes, were ticking by in his blood. His heart pumped each one away and he stared at those pages. Searching.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A finger gently traced over the sketch of a dick on the page labelled Friends and then flipped past it. What spells would he need? How could he get to her? The hour was long and his heart was hollow, but he felt some power returning to him as he cleared his mind. As he honed in on this spell. That one. He could do this. He just needed the right combination. His arms would never be strong enough. But his mind? That was his true strength.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took three deep breaths to center himself. Eins. Zwei. Drei. He slid his book back into its holster at his side. A hand reached out to touch the wall ahead of him. The blood had already frozen solid, the crystals fusing with the rest of the rough ice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It would take all his concentration for this. He dismissed the glowing orbs as a flame appeared in his hand. The warmth of it tickled at his fingers for a second as Caleb stared at the rough and blackened tips and then he looked back at the blood spattered mess he'd left marking the wall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One more deep breath and he focused his mind on the area blocked by the cave-in. He took several steps back and to the side, muttering the incantation as he moved. Then he held up his hands and gripped at the air. He yanked his arms back and the ice went flying toward the opposite side of the chamber.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ten minutes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His breaths came in gasps as he ripped at the wall with his mind pulling layers upon layers away with each movement. Caleb probably should've been concerned about a secondary cave-in, but he wasn't. If nothing else could give him solace, the knowledge that if he died too, she wouldn't be alone anymore wherever the afterlife had taken her did. If he failed in life, he'd find her in death. That lonely girl wouldn't be alone for long, no matter which way things fell.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That thought drove him forward as he carved through the ice with his mind. He stepped closer and closer holding up his flame as he went, moving the light this way and that, begging for a pop of blue among all the white. Every layer left a cloud of icy dust behind it and soon they'd have no place to retreat to. One leg of the tunnel behind him had already been blocked with his thrown ice. The other was bound to follow soon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had to find her. She couldn't have gotten too far ahead before the cave-in. Fifteen feet? Twenty, maybe? He took another step forward and with one more pull, the pink hue of one of Jester's boots poked through the whiteness. He honed in on that area, scooping mound after mound of ice behind him. It was practically just snow now, between the ice pushing against itself and Caleb's frantic digging. Her hand appeared next. The hood of her cloak. Both hands were free now. Her face. Every bit of her was bloody and battered and he knew the cold of her skin wouldn't be from all the ice. And then the spell gave out. The flame flickered and went out in his hand and he snapped it back to life. He tried to tug at her lifeless form, but something had her other leg wedged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took a deep breath and took out a small, clay cat's paw. A few muttered words and the claw was there, grasping her whole body and pulling it from the remains of the tunnel. It released her into Caleb's arms and he clutched her to his chest as he'd always longed to do. It was too late. Always was too late to mean what his heart wanted it to, but the tears returned to his eyes and he buried his face into her hair and sobbed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Es tut mir Leid, liebling." He managed to murmur a few words to her. "I am not strong enough."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tears wreaked through him. It had been a long time since he'd felt this broken. Over the past year with these people he had slowly started to mend a little. He had been heartbroken over Mollymauk's death. But he hadn't cried like this since the night he escaped from the sanatorium. He'd strangled that guard with his own necklace and then he'd stolen it. When he was well away and hidden, he'd broken down into tears. A murderer. That's all he was. And then he met Nott. Then the rest of them. And each one of them was a balm to his undeserving, damned soul.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I don't think our actions define who we are all the time. Good people do bad things sometimes. Even bad people do good things. I think you're a good person."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beauregard had told him to trust in them. And while that was hard for most of them, trusting Jester came almost instinctively. She doubted herself so easily. And he couldn't allow that. Jester was so quick to knock her own ideas as stupid, but Caleb always found her to be quite smart. She had wisdom beyond her years. Pain deeper than most wanted to see. And yet she still looked at the world with such wonder. She always found the fun in everything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester reminded him of the best parts of the person he used to be and brought them back out of him. Reminded him they were still there. He found himself playing and laughing. Smiling. And he couldn't imagine doing that without her. Even if she wasn't his, would never be his, he was grateful for every moment they spent together. He didn't want to picture his future without her in it, drawing dicks with googly eyes for balls on everything, finding the delight hidden in the hardest of days… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even those quieter moments when she showed her vulnerable side, her quiet strength always caught him off guard. She had more fortitude than most gave her credit for. And he was sure the lack of credit was what made her doubt herself so much. He'd been terrified of the moment she'd inevitably hear the full truth of his past, but she'd put her arms around him and her belief in him never wavered for an instant. He tried to do the same for her. She didn't need to be protected from the pain in the world. She just needed to know she didn't have to carry the burden alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester hated being alone. He hated thinking that wherever she was, she was alone there. She'd been so lonely all her life, she always seemed to expect people to abandon her. When Artagan hadn't come to share ice cream with her, her first thought wasn't that he was busy, but that he didn't like her anymore. Like Caleb, she was waiting for everyone to have reached their last straw, and prematurely blamed herself for their abandonment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb fell to his knees, no longer able to stand. He took a few minutes to cast the amber dome around them to ward off some of the growing chill. Gently, he laid her head in his lap, stroking her hair, her cheek, tracing a finger down her nose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wunderschön.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even battered and dead in his arms, her beauty was still striking. The five years she'd been forced forward had only made her more striking than ever. He'd tried to stop Veth's teasing and it had just come out. She could so easily get down on herself, that amongst the teasing he had to make sure she knew: whatever else she was, beautiful was definitely near the top of the list. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Funny. Creative. Compassionate. Occasionally creepy. And beautiful. Beautiful beyond measure. He'd privately thought, especially after meeting her mother, that Jester's beauty was just the beginning of an upward trend. Five years in a flash and suddenly he was proven right. She always had been lovely in a way that devastated him. But now? The word beauty couldn't hold a candle to her. And it was only five years. In ten he wouldn't be able to pick his jaw up off the floor at the sight of her. But he also ached for those five years. Caleb cherished time. He knew what it was to have it stolen and felt her loss keenly. He'd give anything to give those years back to her. To give her her life back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The world would be dimmer without her in it. And while he was sure Caduceus could bring her back as soon as Caleb could get her to him, he was also sure that his life had been plagued for too long by the words 'too late.' The longer he sat looking at her lifeless body, the more certain he became that they were already running short on time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He reached into her haversack for the diamonds he knew she kept there and, after a moment's hesitation, opened the pouch she'd labelled with the number five hundred. He pulled a gem from the bag and set it on her chest over her heart as he'd seen her do for Caduceus before. Brow furrowed in thought, he pulled his transmuter's stone from his pocket as though the increased concentration he always felt with it in hand would help him now. He'd called it his lucky rock when he'd found it, and he needed luck in this moment. He took another deep breath, gathered his courage, and closed his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And for the first time in his life, Caleb Widogast prayed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At first, he wasn't really sure what he was doing. Caleb quietly thought of some perfunctory requests for blessings; to Ioun for her wisdom, to Avandra for luck, to Pelor for his light, mercy, and healing. He left out the ones he didn't think would serve his purpose. Wulf's Matron, for instance, would most definitely be displeased with Caleb's wishes. He was pretty sure prayers to bring someone back to life were an insult to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some others snuck their way into his thoughts that surprised him. Corellon came first as he was sure they could appreciate Jester's beauty and art. Sarenrae for her compassion, and perhaps for atonement, if he truly could use the hands that had taken so much life to restore the one most precious to him. Kord for the courage he'd so readily given Yasha. A coward like Caleb definitely needed some courage right about now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because the first words he actually spoke aloud in the dome weren't to any of the gods he'd first thought to ask for help or guidance. He thought he'd feel stupid pleading with the empty air, but with his words came a kind of warmth. He wasn't sure if any of these beings were listening to him or if they could hear him at all. Could gods hear thoughts? He had never been a man of any sort of faith. If he had faith in anyone, it was Jester. So it came out instinctually.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Artagan, I need you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The words were halting at best, but as he said them, Caleb felt like he was on the right path. Despite the warmth flooding his body as he said them, however, nothing happened. Jester's archfey friend didn't appear. They remained alone in the dome, her head still in his lap. He looked down, smoothed her hair and tried a different tactic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Traveler?" He asked, in Sylvan. "I don't know if you can hear me, Artagan, but I need your help. Jester needs your help. You've always said you care about her. She needs you now more than ever. I don't know what I'm doing, but I know I can't just sit here and do nothing. I've never believed in much of anything, but Jester believed in you. And I believe in her. So please help me. Help her."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Artagan? Can you hear me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So you speak Sylvan? Interesting." Caleb turned and found the archfey standing just outside the bubble behind him. He tapped on it. "You know it makes it harder for me to help you when you lock me out, yes?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He moved to tap again, but his hand passed through the barrier. Artagan gave Caleb a smirk and joined him inside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, I can't say that the language didn't get my attention. What intrigues me most is that it's </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> talking to me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb just stared. "Help her," he said and beckoned Artagan over.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He moved toward them, his face stricken as his eyes fell on Jester's face. "I don't know if I can. I gave her powers, yes, but she was the one who had to channel them. I don't know if I have that kind of power on my own."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Then channel them through me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan scoffed at that. "You said it yourself that you aren't a man of faith. That is where this kind of power comes from. Not here," he knelt down and tapped Caleb's forehead. "Here." His finger came to rest above his pounding heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm trying, isn't that enough?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugged. "Perhaps. But it can't give you the kind of power you'll need for this."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't have much left." Caleb held up the stone in his hand. "All I've got is probably trapped in here. If I can get it out and channel that, do you think it'd work?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan took it and studied it for a moment, turning it this way and that. "Well  it might. Wouldn't be a light touch, by any means." He tossed it back to him. "But my point stands. Every type of magic comes from a different place inside of you. You rely too much on what your books say and not on what you feel. A common failing amongst humans, I find."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Excuse me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Your lives are so short. You know they are. And yet you still piss away your opportunities like you have all the time in the world. It's why you're so much fun to… Well, fuck with, to put it mildly. It's only when you people have the rug pulled out from under you that you bother doing anything really interesting."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So you won't help me?" Caleb's voice was tight. He knew Jester loved him, but Beauregard wasn't wrong. He seemed awful punchable right about now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did I say that? But you've just had something unexpected happen. Tell me, Widogast," he said, squatting down next to him. His face far too close for comfort. "Are you going to mix it up and do something interesting?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know what I'm doing." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Of course you don't." He let out a wry chuckle and grabbed Caleb by the collar, pulling him close for a moment. "That's what faith is. You don't know for sure, but you try anyway. You throw caution to the wind and see what happens. What's stopping you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb yanked his collar from Artagan's grip. "I can't mess this up. I can't fail her."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Why not? You've done it before. Nothing you've done so far was able to prevent this." He gestured to her body. "And yet you still cling to doing things the same way. You're still thinking with your head. If your head was what you needed, you'd have called out to Ioun. Not me. So why me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb hesitated only a moment. "Because you're the only one I could count on to care about her too." His voice was barely a whisper. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Too?" He fell back, sitting cross-legged on the ground beside Caleb. "Now we're getting somewhere. And see what I mean? Pissing away opportunity."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The frustration boils over. "What are you even getting at?" He's yelling. It's not how the conversation was meant to go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"All this silent caring of yours never did her a lick of good. Look at her!" Artagan pointed to her still form. "Crushed to death. You care, but you're still pushing her away."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"She deserves better than me." Caleb's eyes fell down to gaze upon her lifeless face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Deserves." Artagan scoffed. "What plane do you come from where people get what they deserve? Terrible people deserve terrible ends and many die old and happy in their beds. Good, honest, hard-working people die in unfair ways every day. They don't deserve it. Jester certainly didn't. But here she is. All the deserving in the world didn't change that. She deserved a life where she didn't spend so much of it lonely. And people still push her away thinking more about what she deserves than what she wants."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You want to talk about her being lonely? How about how when you leave for so long she believes you're never coming back?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He twiddled his fingers idly through the air letting them come to rest on his own cheek. "That's why I leave. Faith will never grow if it isn't tested."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Faith in what?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That I will return. That I'm listening. She was my first. I have a different connection with her. I'm never really all that far, though her faith has bound me in ways she doesn't always like. I can always come to her if she truly needs me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb glares. "Then where were you when the Iron Shepherds had her?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mmm. Here come the kitty's claws. Been holding that back for long?" Caleb glared, but Artagan just threw back his head and laughed angrily. "Where do you think I was? I was doing my best to lead you all to her, you dolt."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What?" If Caleb's eyebrows had shot any higher they'd have melded into his hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan's form shifted then. A young half-elven man with a mop of red curls stood before him, green eyes boring into Caleb's. "Someone," he said. "Had to make sure you all were paying attention."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The man from the inn." Caleb's brow furrowed. "But, if you could do that, then why couldn't you have gotten her out of there?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You sound like Jester. It also frustrates her that my direct powers are greatly limited. I could only even get hints at what was to come when she was awake enough to pray for answers. My powers as her deity are dependent on her. And I could do nothing as she slept in that cell. What I could do was take the answers somewhere they would be of use. Guide you so you wouldn't enter another battle unprepared."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You guided us to Caduceus," Caleb whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Indeed."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And are you guiding me now?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His form reverted. "I'm certainly trying. I myself have little power in this situation. I can only tell you that if you're going to play in a sandbox that isn't your own, you need to be prepared to follow a different set of rules."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb ran a hand through his hair, pulling in frustration. "What am I even supposed to do?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Anything! You want to do something. So do it. Sitting around thinking everything through does nothing but waste time."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But I don't know the spell." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Forget what you know." His large hands came to rest on either side of Caleb's face, squeezing painfully. "To hell with what you think. Get out of your mind and listen to something else for a change. What do you want?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I want none of this to have happened to her!" Caleb yelled. His voice bounced off the walls and he froze for a moment holding his breath for another cave-in. Then Caleb was gasping for air and he just kept yelling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I want her years back! I want her to have never seen him die like that! I want... I want to get her out of this place and back home like I always promised her I would."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You want to protect her. If she wanted to be protected, she would never have left the gilded cage Marion kept her in." His eyes lit on Caleb's furious expression. "Ah. I see you don't care for that either. All the coddling in the world won't protect her from pain. It just makes the pain different. She was safe in her bedroom. Safe and loved and lonely."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't want to protect her from the pain. I want her not to feel like she has to deal with it alone. She hates being alone."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"She does. So why do you leave her alone?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You care about her," Caleb opened his mouth to say… What? But Artagan continued. "There's no point in denying it now. I'd argue there's never been a point in denying it, but it's a bit late for that conversation."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Of course I care about her. I told you that."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Then trust in her. Give her choices and trust in her ability to make the right decisions. You believe in me because she does." He gave Caleb a hard look. "She believes in you, too. So perhaps you should trust in her judgment. If she'd known how much you care about her when she was alive, would she have gotten far enough away from you to still be in this position? Or would she still have been within arm's reach? Close enough to pull out of the way."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tears his fury had been keeping at bay fell and Caleb looked down and watched them land already frozen on Jester's forehead. He'd been pushing her toward Fjord because that's what she wanted. Right? But Fjord hadn't been beside her. No one had. They'd all left her alone. Caleb had been right there. He had been too in his head about Molly to notice her fall behind and when he did notice he only spoke to her for a moment and then let her walk ahead without him. Was this his fault?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Pushing her away from you does her no good. You want to protect someone, you keep them close. You don't clip their wings to keep them from flying too high. You fly beside them ready to catch them if they fall."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Flying. Like when they'd polymorph together. Taking turns to give each other their tailwind so that the one carrying the heavier burden could focus less on keeping themselves aloft and more on making sure the others didn't fall from their grasp. Flitting around playfully, because sometimes they hadn't accounted for how stupid some of the forms they took were. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"That's probably where they're keeping the bread."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Is it on the roof? Are we on the roof?"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I am on the roof. Are you on the roof?"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I'm right next to you, so I think so."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I'm very stupid as a bat. Hello."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Hi."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"They're keeping the bread in there."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb smiled down at her through his tears. He faintly heard Artagan's voice mutter something that sounded like, "Well now, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> is definitely interesting," but Caleb ignored him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wanted more of those moments with her. He wanted to laugh with her and be silly. Sometimes those idiotic forms made it so much easier to get out of his head. To let himself get close to her. Once or twice he'd even purposefully gone blind and deaf just to be the cat in her arms. To feel what it was like not just to be held by her, but to lean into it. He'd felt guilty later for the dishonesty of it, but in the moment, all he had felt was safe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb closed his eyes. He leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. What did he want most? He wanted to see her eyes again. To meet them across a warm room as they laughed at something their friends said. He wanted to not hold back and let himself pull her into his arms as she mourned, again, their fallen friend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He'd hesitated after that dance in Hupperdook. She'd put her arms around him or reach out for a dance and he held himself back. He'd mistaken her for Astrid that night, not because they really had anything in common, but because he was drunk and the things he'd felt with her in his arms he'd only felt once before. He never expected to feel them again, but Jester was always surprising him. He was afraid that if he let himself hold her and sink deeper into those feelings, he'd never be able to let her go. He pushed those fears away now. Because they really were useless weren't they? He had fallen deeper every day anyway. He had run after her after Mollymauk died, taking charge because losing her had been unbearable before. And losing her after Molly died trying to rescue her was unthinkable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb had grieved his friend, and had found more courage in his absence than he'd ever had in his whole wretched life. Courage to keep moving forward, even if he lacked the courage to scream out his feelings. He wasn't the strong one. He was no leader. Nott--Veth, she's Veth now and always was, really--had insisted on calling him that after Molly died. For the way he'd thrown himself into the rescue of their three wayward companions. She was wrong. He was a coward. But he was a coward who'd have been damned to the hells twice over if Molly had died for nothing. If all those budding friendships and more had been for nothing. A coward who, despite the agony and fury he had burning and charring at his insides, could never let it out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he found now that he couldn't hold it back. Losing Jester like this had broken a dam inside his heart and the heartache and longing and love had nowhere to go but out. What did he want most? He wanted her back here where he knew she was safe. He knew he couldn't protect her from the world's evils, from pain and loneliness and fear, but he could stand beside her and they could fight them together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A whispered, "Yes. Good," flitted into his ear, but it barely registered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her loving him back had never been the important thing to him. It had never been his goal. All he wanted was for her to feel safe again. The dome, the tower… All of it was for her. He created the dome so she would know that there was somewhere where they were all together and nobody could hurt them. Somewhere they could sleep safe and sound and no one could come in the night and take someone away. And he had created the tower so that they'd have a home to go to. No matter where they went or how far from her mother she might be, she still had a home. A home with him. Whether it was in the way his heart longed for deep down or not was irrelevant. All that mattered was that she was there. A part of his life. The most important part.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Light began to pierce his eyes and he opened them to find the rock glowing in his hand. Brighter and brighter. The light seemed to streak off of it in waves, curling into a circle of glyphs and symbols around them . Light arced up from the symbols and joined together into a single beam that pierced to the core of the diamond on Jester's chest. Small rainbows flickered around them, the light flaring through the gemstone like a multi-faceted prism. How long had it been doing that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan had sat up straighter. "There you go! Good."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know how I'm doing this. I wasn't even doing </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This is impossible."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So is an archfey being granted godlike powers just because a lonely little girl believed he was one. Now focus. Not with your mind. With your spirit. It's the only thing that can reach her where she is. Hold nothing back. Call to her."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn't see Artagan anymore. He was lost in the shine and the color. Caleb's eyes flickered around the cavern as his fingers wove through the lights around him. Sparkling. Reflecting back onto itself. He looked down to where the colors danced across Jester's face. She'd love to see this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Open your eyes, schatz. You'd hate to be missing this. There's still so much you haven't seen. So much more you were meant for. I told you once that you're the one who changes people, remember? I told you I see it every day. And I do. I see it every time I see my own reflection. I know the power you have over people, because I look back at the person I was a year ago and I don't recognize him. And you're the reason why."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb stroked her hair with his free hand. His tears were falling in earnest now. Each drop freezing as it fell creating a slow shower of snow over her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You brighten everything and everyone around you with your spirit. It's like you woke up one morning and decided to just be the joy you wanted to see in the world. And the world still needs you. I still need you. Your compassion and your courage. Your chaos. Your warmth. Your passion and wonder. Your wisdom. You have a way of seeing to the heart of things because you're the very heart of the Nein. You know that, ja? You're the heart of me. Ich liebe dich, mein süßer Saphir. More than I ever thought possible. You opened up parts of my heart I thought were long dead. You worry you're not a good cleric, but you didn't need your magic to heal me. You were just you. You know, I stopped believing in much of anything a long time ago, but I believe in you. Now and always."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulled his hand back and brought it up to clasp the stone with the other. Raising his hands in supplication, he pressed them together, the rounded stone between them. So this is what it was to pray. To plead with the universe for the deepest desires of your heart, not knowing for sure if you were being heard, but daring to ask anyway. You don't get anything without asking for it, and Caleb was beyond asking. He was begging.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I've wished for so many miracles. I've lost too many people I love, but if I only get one miracle in this lifetime, I choose you. You are the only miracle I need, Jester Lavorre. Come back to me. Please. Hear my voice and follow it home."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan took his hands, the stone still clutched between them, and urged them downward. As his hands met the diamond the light around them flared even brighter. The glowing symbols seemed to be pulled into the central beam of light, swirling into it as its luminescence grew almost blinding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb's hands released the stone and reflexively moved to shield his eyes. The stone's glow had shifted to pulse solely from the unbroken line circling the stone. His father had once told him that a stone with a mark like that was lucky. It was one of the last good memories he had left of his father. And maybe he was right. Because when Caleb moved his hands away, the stone didn't fall. It balanced on the flat facet of the diamond, spinning slowly at first. Then faster and faster. The light was swirling out of it and around the three of them now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb reached down and took Jester's hand into his own. The diamond and the stone spinning atop it shattered into dust. Still glowing. The tiny particles lit up the air as though it were filled with broad daylight. Caleb squeezed Jester's hand tighter as he watched the dust swirl around them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It hung there for a moment. And then was swiftly pulled into a ball of light hovering over Jester's heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Please." Caleb's whispered plea reverberated through the tunnel as though he screamed it. And they watched as the ball of light sank into her chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was dark. A few seconds passed. Caleb filled his free hand with a small, glowing flame. He looked down at Jester's face. Still battered. Eyes still closed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he felt her hand tighten against his. And her amethyst-colored eyes blinked open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Caleb?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gingerly sat up, a wince coloring her face. Caleb released her hand as she pulled it back to touch the back of her head where the ice had struck her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, ow ow ow ow ow."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He threw up four globules of light around them. Jester seemed to sway for a moment where she sat and he reached out to steady her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What happened?" Her voice was hoarse, and thick with pain. It was still the best sound he'd ever heard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Cave-in," he said. "But you're alright now."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked around at the dome and Caleb finally noticed that Artagan had disappeared. It was just the two of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester had noticed that too. "Where's everyone else?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb ran a bandaged hand through his hair. "On the other side of this mess, I hope." He gestured to the ice wall that blocked their path upward.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded, her hand moving to her forehead. "My head really hurts."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you have any healing in you?" He touched her arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I think I've got one, maybe." Jester looked down at his hand, the sight of the bloody bandage making her eyes go wide. She gingerly lifted his fingers to examine them. "What happened to your hands? Do you need me to--?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He almost pulled back, but instead squeezed hers and said, "I'll be fine. Use it on you. Please?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded and clutched at her holy symbol. She let go of his hand and brought hers back to her forehead, letting the power flow into her. Some of the bruises looked lighter. A few cuts closed up. Her skin was still a bit wan but it already had started regaining more of its vibrancy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her hand moved back toward his and he let her take it back. Let her lift the bandages a little to examine his injuries. Her bleary eyes met his tear-filled ones and a look of concern crossed her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are you sure you're okay, Caleb?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For the first time, he didn't hesitate to pull her into an embrace.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja," he whispered into her shoulder. He sniffled. "Everything's fine now, schatz."</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Happy new year! Be smart! Be safe! If you must go someplace, wear a mask and social distance. Drink responsibly. Seriously. I work in a hospital ER. Holidays are shit when there ISN'T a global pandemic.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jester's chin rested on Caleb's shoulder as he held her. Until now, she hadn't realized how one-sided her hugs had always been. She'd given and received so many hugs in her life, but couldn't recall ever having been held like that. The way his arms slid under hers, his hands coming up to grip at her shoulders. It was a little awkward. She remembered Beau hugging him on the boat after they'd watched the peace talks from afar and realized he'd only barely hugged her back. Caleb didn't really do hugs, did he? Almost never made physical contact with anybody. At least not first. She moved with him to wrap her arms around his neck. His shoulders were shaking. His hands. Like the effort was almost too much for him. But she stayed there. Because his arms were warm around her, despite their dark and cool surroundings. Tight.</p><p>She buried her face in his hair for a moment and breathed in the crisp scent of him. She let her cheek just rest there against his crown and stared through the amber dome at the ruined tunnel. There were bits of ice everywhere and she could just barely make out hints of blood amongst the debris. Hers? Or… She recalled his wrecked hands and gripped him tighter. His arms slid down then, wrapping around her waist. She just continued to stare at the space that had clearly been recently disturbed. The place she had been buried. Her breathing was calm. Eyes weary, but clear. Caleb's arms loosened around her and she knew she should let him go, should pull back too. His hands lingered at her waist. Gentle. One of his fingers tapped rhythmically against her ribs. </p><p>The sob came without warning, but as she leaned hard into him, he caught her. Like he was waiting for it. Seeming to know it was coming before she did. She'd felt so steady in his tight embrace, but had she always been trembling? His arms tightened once more. Jester's voice reverberated through the small chamber. She could feel each sob as it transversed her whole body. It started in her shoulders. Divided. Moved through her head, her arms, her stomach. She was glad for the firm hold Caleb had on her waist because each time the knife of pain within and without her caused her to curl inward, he pressed their bodies tighter together. She felt the stinging wetness sink into the cuts and scrapes on her neck and knew he was crying too. But he steadfastly held her close.</p><p>The only time Jester had managed to convince her mother to leave the Chateau--take her somewhere--as a child was the time they went to the beach. It was sunset. They'd watched a stray piece of driftwood ride the waves as Marion told her about her father. The log would reach the crest, looking almost like it was airborne. And then it fell, sinking deep into the crashing water. She'd think it was gone forever when it'd pop back into view, bobbing back out to sea with the tide. Only to find another wave and begin the cycle again. A few times she had thought it would make it all the way back to shore and she'd squeal and drag her mother down the beach to avoid it. But the tide was strong and kept pulling it back out.</p><p>Grief was like that.</p><p>Just when Jester thought she'd gotten through the worst of the pain rushing through her another wave would crest. Then another. Another. She's cried before. Many times. She's the sort of person who wears her heart on her sleeve, she knew that. But nothing in her life could compare to this kind of pain. Not the day her mother told her she'd have to leave, not any of that time Lorenzo had been torturing her… Not even the threat of having the Traveler taken from her forever. This? This was grief compounded. And she was fresh out of ways to cope.</p><p>Instead she breathed in Caleb's smell of fresh air and sulfur and catmint and home--just home--and let herself fall apart. He was holding her so tight and murmuring soft things in Zemnian and she didn't ask what they meant because whatever the translation, she knew they meant she was safe. Not just from whatever dangers might be out there coming for them, but whatever was inside that threatened to tear her to ribbons. She could fall apart because he was there, holding the pieces of her together in a vice that felt like sanctuary. She briefly wondered if casting word of recall now would mark him so that if she cast it again, someday in a fit of need, she could bamf straight to him wherever he was.</p><p>She felt wrung out and her bones themselves ached with exhaustion and she still shook and cried out all the pain inside her she'd never let out before. Let it out. Let it go. She'd been feeling empty for hours. Ever since she watched the light leave his eyes, saw his grin again--gods, she'd forgotten just how impish he used to look when he grinned--she felt the loss anew. She couldn't even remember the last thing he'd said to her. Molly died trying to rescue her and he had already slipped so far away in her memories. What else had she forgotten? Had his accent truly gotten stronger as Lucien? Or was it that she was forgetting his voice? Like she had forgotten her mama's on Rumblecusp… Jester didn't want to forget any of this journey. None of the things that happened, none of the people she met… But her memory was faulty. Not like Caleb's; he never seemed to forget anything.</p><p>Fjord wanted her to stay out of danger, and she tried. But seeing him. She could feel Molly in that room. He was dead, she knew. But they said they gathered the scattered pieces, didn't they? Were they able to gather Molly's piece? Did she kill him all over again? Would he forgive her, if she had? She wondered if it was that in his grin, in his grip, but then Fjord was pulling her away and she didn't want to go with him. Not without Molly. The chance of Molly anyway. And Molly was worth a chance. He had taken one for her and died for it. She would've done the same for him if Fjord had let her.</p><p>What was the point of being safe if she couldn't keep the ones she cared about safe too? The others could risk their lives, but Fjord didn't want <em> her </em> to.</p><p>"I just need you to be safe, Jessie," he said. His voice was as tender as the gentlest caress. He cradled her cheek in his hand and she'd always wanted it. "Safe and happy. That's all I want."</p><p>The words were like lead and his kiss left her frozen. She wanted to scream at him, but her voice was barely more than a whisper as she pulled her hands from his. "I can't."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I can't just be safe and happy, Fjord. You can't always have both of those things. And sometimes you can't have either of them." She took a deep breath and squared her jaw. "We could have taken him with us."</p><p>"Molly's gone, Jester." Fjord tried to take her hands back, but she wouldn't let him. "I really don't think it would work. Believe me, if I thought it would have been possible, I'd have been the first to grab him. But if he was only a piece like they said… I don't know if you can just bring back a piece of someone. And if he was a part of the whole again? I can't imagine where we'd even have to start to--"</p><p>"You start with trying."</p><p>"Jes." His hand was still extended toward her. She didn't take it. She was barely holding it together. One more touch would have finished shattering her heart and she knew they had to get out of the tunnels. Back to the surface.</p><p>"Molly died trying to rescue us, Fjord. Not just Yasha. You and me. He believed our lives were worth the risk."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"He was worth the risk of trying."</p><p>"Not worth the price of you. Lucien would have killed you."</p><p>"He was already dying when you got to me. I did that. And I could have…"</p><p>"Could have what?"</p><p>"I don't know. Talked to the Traveler?" He gave a hard sigh, but she continued anyway. "I could have asked him to help me figure out how to bring Molly back. We carried that Assembly lady with us in Caleb's necklace for <em> a while </em>--and we never even liked her. We could've done the same for our friend."</p><p>"Our friend is gone, Jester. It's hard for all of us, but we need to move on."</p><p>"I can't. I felt him in there. And I didn't even get to say goodbye. Again." She looked back at the caved-in opening that had sealed the chamber behind them and wrapped her arms around her middle. "I just want to get out of here. I want to go home."</p><p>Fjord nodded and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'll get us out of here, I promise." His hand on her shoulder moved to her elbow, gently pulling at her arm. She knew he wanted to take her hand. To pull her back alongside him. But she just nodded and took a step back.</p><p>"I think I'll take the back for now. I'd like to be alone for awhile." And oh, she hated the way his eyes fell like that. But he lit up the Star Razor and turned his head to face front.</p><p>The nexus of paths ahead had changed in the short time since they'd come through. Apparently, the quake that had caved in the entryway to Aeor had shaken loose a lot of ice and rock all over the area. Going back the same way was impossible now. Veth and Beau brushed past her, the latter still dragging Caleb by his sleeve. Caduceus was tucking something into a pouch as he approached.</p><p>"There's another way out to the east," he said, pointing. "That's all I was able to get for sure."</p><p>Fjord nodded and took the rightmost path, Veth on his heels. Jester let the others pass her. Caleb was looking at the ground as he walked. He seemed dazed. Fortunately, Beau kept hold of his coat sleeve and steered him. Jester had tried to keep them in sight, especially after Beau and Yasha decided to run ahead, but she kept drifting further back. Like the chamber behind them was calling to her. Every so often the ground would shake and she always ran ahead as soon as it stopped. Eventually, Caleb was the only one she could keep in eyeshot. He seemed just as distracted as she was and she wondered if he felt the same pull back toward the city. Back to Molly.</p><p>Her eyes grew more abstracted as they trudged forward. Why did they even come here if it wasn't for Molly? What had they even achieved? Vess Derogna was dead--good riddance--but they definitely aren't going to be paid for this journey as planned. Molly was still dead, and was probably going to stay that way this time. Aeor had risen from the astral sea. The city that had frightened the gods into cooperation and terrified Vokodo into literally breaking through planes to escape it, was back. And she was frightened.</p><p>Jester hadn't felt this lost when she'd left home with exactly zero percent of an idea where she was going to go. She'd barely ever left the Chateau, and was thrust into the world with no direction. Nothing to moor herself to. Fjord was the first person to show her true kindness and it was like she'd stepped into a fairytale.</p><p>Was she still so naive as to still believe she was in one? She thought she'd moved past that. She'd accepted that the world was nothing like she'd seen through books and stories. Stopped trying to force her new friends into the archetypes of the characters she knew by heart and loved like family. Because this new family she had become a part of was so much more complex and difficult and beautiful than any of the stories could boast. And she was unprepared to lose them.</p><p>She left home without a single idea of how the world really worked and as she looked around the icy tunnels she wondered if she'd grown at all. She felt small and helpless. And she knew the others were counting on her for help, but she felt as unprepared as she had when Molly was hurt shorrly after they'd met. She'd never worried about healing anyone and was suddenly surrounded by people who needed her. Expected things from her. No one had ever done that before. She was able to save him that day. Why not this one? Everything they'd been through and she still felt like an impostor. Like an ignorant child.</p><p>Caleb had sidled up to her and he always seemed to know just what to say. Just how to make her feel better, when it felt like her entire world was coming apart at the seams. His solemn support had been her lifeline leading up to and through TravelerCon. And now he was literally her lifeline. When she'd taken in that first painful breath, it should've been Caduceus leaning over her, but it was Caleb. Jester didn't know how he'd done it, but he had brought her back to life. Was holding her together now as she cried in his warm embrace. He always knew what to say. Even if it was in a language she didn't understand.</p><p>She'd told herself, when he'd fearfully confessed the full truth of his past to her, that it was her turn to be his support. His strength. And she felt a little like she was letting him down--letting everyone down--by falling apart like that. When she had picked the name Jester it was because she wanted to make others happy. She never had explained to anyone why, but she knew her purpose in life was to help others find joy. In that moment, sobbing from her soul in Caleb's arms, it felt like she was giving away her greatest secret: the biggest smiles, the heartiest laughs, often come from the unhappiest people.</p><p>She'd always hoped that she could make her mother stop looking toward the sea with that look on her face by being the sunshine they hid away from indoors. But she couldn't. She had wanted to find a way to save Molly and make their family whole again. But that wasn't possible either. She was out of sunshine. Out of optimism. Fake it 'til you make it… Well she'd failed. And she'd never felt like such a fraud in all her life.</p><p>Caleb's voice was in her ear then, soft and rough, as though he'd been screaming. "It'll be alright, Jester." His embrace had loosened some and she was leaning harder into him, sinking down in his arms to press her ear to his chest. "You'll be alright. We'll make it through this."</p><p>"How?" Her own voice sounded like a stranger's. She tried to drown the unfamiliar sound of it out by listening to his heartbeat as it raced beneath her cheek. His hands came up to stroke her hair, his fingers brushing against one of her horns, occasionally. He experimentally ran a pinky down its length, following the curves and ridges around and then back up to the root and down her hair again. She'd told him once that they were sensitive, and his touch was feather-light. Even still, a shiver ran down her spine and she let out a shuddering breath.</p><p>"Together." Each stroke of his hand seemed to calm them both. She never stopped trembling, but her breathing grew less ragged. She listened as his heartbeat slowly calmed and, gradually, she tried to mimic his measured breaths.</p><p>Caleb's hands loosened further as he moved for their packs. She let him move away for a moment and the momentary chill filled her when the dome faded for a second before popping back into existence. He then found every blanket and bedroll he could get his hands on and piled them all together. She was already swaying where she sat when he returned to her, gently moving her into the warmth of the bedding.</p><p>"Why am I so tired?"</p><p>"It's been a long day," he said, tucking the blankets to ward off any semblance of chill. "You're going to need all the rest you can get."</p><p>Jester tugged on his arm as he moved to back away. "You too," she said. "How are you going to keep warm if I've got all the blankets?"</p><p>"I'll be alright. It's not that cold in here."</p><p>"The ground is freezing. We can share the blankets. It'll be warmer that way."</p><p>He squirmed a bit and looked like he was going to argue some more. She cut him off before he could get even a word out. "Unless you really don't want to. I mean, if schnuggling with me would make you uncomfortable. I wouldn't want that. I don't know why it would though. Unless…" She narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you being shy because you're secretly in love with me, Caleb? But I bet you'd really want to schnuggle in that case. You don't have to be so squirmy."</p><p>She'd asked him that before and, just like then, he didn't answer her question. He did laugh though. Like he couldn't help it. He was smiling, looking at the ground and shaking his head. And something about the action made Jester feel just a little bit lighter. She felt the corners of her mouth tick upward too and she reached a leaden arm out to him.</p><p>"Please, Caleb?"</p><p>He still shook his head, but the hand reaching for his spellbook stopped and he moved to join her. He wasn't exactly cold; the dome was pretty toasty inside. It was like he'd turned the heat up with the second casting, but he was still somehow colder than her. Even the few short minutes she spent ensconced in fabric had heated her just enough to feel the difference in temperature as he climbed in next to her. They shifted a little, awkwardly. Despite the sharing of their blankets, it hadn't made the fabric increase in size. They had to press closely to both fit in the pocket of warmth he'd created for her. When they finally settled, it was like she'd never left his embrace. He warmed quickly with the close contact and Jester once again rested her head on his chest.</p><p>"Do you mind if I read for a bit?" He asked all the lights popping out around them but one. "So I can be sure I'm prepared for tomorrow? Will the light bother you?"</p><p>She opened her mouth to answer him, but all that came out was a yawn. And then she was drifting away, his soft, even heartbeat thrumming in her ears like a lullaby.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Caleb's hand was starting to cramp. His spellbook had grown significantly over the past year and holding it in one hand hadn't really been easy in the first place. It was heavy and his whole arm would be killing him in the morning if he kept it up, but he'd rather deal with that than release the girl he held with the other.</p>
<p>Jester's even breathing as she slept against him was both comforting and maddening. Each breath reminded him she was still there. Alive. He had done that. Him. A sort of peace he'd never felt washed over him at the thought. Caleb had taken lives with his magic. He'd saved some too, but this was on a whole new scale. The hands that had snuffed out the lives of his parents, were the same ones that gave life back to the woman he loves most. </p>
<p>The day had been full of echoes from his past, but this one was like that fire played in reverse. The flames crawled, not outward from his fingertips, but inward. His heart flared with it. Fire had always been his strong suit, but he'd never felt strong in his life until he felt it burning inside him today. He'd heard people liken love to a flame before, but now it truly made sense to him. His love for the young woman in his arms burned deep and steadfast at the core of him, strengthening him from the inside. And she'd needed that from him because her well of strength had run dry. So he'd held her close. He'd been her rock for a change and he never wanted to let go.</p>
<p>It hadn't taken much to convince him to huddle together for warmth, but part of him wished he had put up more of a fight. Because her every breath on his clavicle as she slept tied him further into knots. He tried to focus on his spellbook, but each puff of air was like a lightning bolt to every one of his nerve endings. He wanted to intertwine his body with hers, to toss the book aside and just let himself drown in her touch, but he resisted. She hadn't stopped shaking since she woke up. The tremors around them had stopped and Caleb couldn't stop to worry about what that meant because they'd seemed to take up residence inside her. Even sleeping, her body trembled in his arms. He had thought it was the cold, but they'd been wrapped up together for just over an hour and the air in the dome was toasty warm and still there'd been no change.</p>
<p>She jerked awake then, as though the tremors had shaken her right out of her hard-won slumber. Her eyes were bleary and unseeing, and she grabbed blindly at his shirt.</p>
<p>He dropped the book. "Jester. It's alright, schatz. I'm here. You're alright." The term of endearment had just slipped out. Again. Artagan had told him to hold nothing back. And now he wasn't sure how to stop calling her that. She wasn't his, and she might not care for his Zemnian pet-names even if she was. But she hadn't asked what it meant yet. So perhaps he still had time to figure out how to answer that question.</p>
<p>"Caleb?" She sounded scared and was holding onto his shirt collar, pulling herself closer to him. Her horn dug into his neck a bit, but he ignored it. Don't push her away, he told himself. Pain he was used to. He leaned into it and held her a bit tighter.</p>
<p>"Ja. I'm here. It was only a dream, liebling." Liebling? He stroked her hair and clenched his eyes shut. Neither of them were ready for that conversation, so he needed to get a handle on his own heart again and fast.</p>
<p>"How long was I out?"</p>
<p>"About an hour."</p>
<p>She pulled back and her eyes were a little hazy, but firm. "No, before." His heart dropped into his stomach. "How long was I dead, Caleb?"</p>
<p>Two hours, fifty-four minutes, and eighteen seconds. But he didn't say that. "Almost three hours."</p>
<p>Jester nodded, staring blankly. "Time's getting weird." She gave a broken chuckle. "I don't even know how old I am. How does my birthday even work anymore, you know? Like, I'm older, but now I lost time because I died…"</p>
<p>Caleb smiled, weakly. He opened his mouth to answer her, but she kept going.</p>
<p>"I was sort of born again today if you think about it. Like, I came back to life, right? So does that mean I have <em> two birthdays </em> ?" Her eyes widened and she placed a hand on Caleb's chest. "Two birthdays would mean twice as many cakes and presents… So maybe that's not <em> so bad </em>, right? What day is it?" Her eyes met his, a little wild and almost… Hopeful?</p>
<p>Caleb laughed. Hard. He didn't mean to. The suddenness of it took the wind out of him. It took a moment to get his body to let him breathe in. He tried to get himself under control, but one look at the incredulous look on her face sent him into a fresh fit. After everything she'd been through--today, let alone in the last few weeks--after sobbing in his arms barely more than an hour ago, she was thinking about cake. Of course she was.</p>
<p>"Caleb? What's so funny?" </p>
<p>He met her eyes again, grinning. "Only you, Jester. Only you would be thinking about cake right now. Besides, I'm pretty sure your birthday has never had any bearing on when you get cake or presents."</p>
<p>She gave him a soft smile in return. "Maybe… But you have no argument for the two birthdays thing, huh?" She tugged lightly on his shirt. "You always know what day it is, right? I mean you know what time it is all the time so you know what day it is?"</p>
<p>"Ja, uh..." He calculated for a minute. Days were harder to keep track of than hours. Especially when they seemed to almost run together. "It's,  uh, the 4th of Sydenstar. Well, the end of it."</p>
<p>Her face fell a bit. "Oh. Really? Already?"</p>
<p>"Ja. Almost a year since we met." She gave a half-hearted smile. "What?"</p>
<p>"I guess I won't have two birthdays after all."</p>
<p>It took a moment for that to sink in. "It's your birthday?"</p>
<p>"Ja… Kind of a shitty one, huh?"</p>
<p>Caleb wished for the millionth time in his life that he could turn back the clock. She was smiling again just a few seconds ago. He wished… What had he wished? That things could go back to normal? What even was normal after today? She may have been smiling, but she had died four hours ago. And it seemed to sink into her again. Her eyes drooped a little, though she was fighting it.</p>
<p>"I… Birthdays have taken the, uh, back seat, being on the road so much, ja?"</p>
<p>She nodded. "I sort of forgot it last year, what with leaving my mom and seeing the world for the first time, losing my carriage and the horses and then meeting Fjord… By the time I knew what day it was again, it had already passed."</p>
<p>"Now that you mention it, I don't know when anyone's birthday is. I haven't celebrated my own in a long time, so I guess it didn't occur to me to ask."</p>
<p>"When's yours?"</p>
<p>"The first of Duscar. Mutti always said I came a little early because I wanted to be in time to see the candles." Caleb remembered the sound of her voice as she'd said it, too. Always full of laughter. The candles were always his favorite part of the holiday. The irony was not lost on him. Even as a boy, his nature was decided. A fire bug from the day he was born.</p>
<p>She leaned her head back against his shoulder. "I had to leave home before my birthday, last year. Mama always used to wake me up at midnight to wish me a happy birthday. I loved it because she would always sing me a song. Almost like it was one of her performances, but it was just for me."</p>
<p>"Mine used to do that too." Caleb looked at her a bit in wonder and lit a flame in his hand, keeping it small and low. His voice was rough, he hadn't really sung in a long time, but the words seemed burned into him, the way that children's songs usually are.</p>
<p>"Heute kann es regnen, stürmen oder schneien<br/>
Denn du strahlst ja selber wie der Sonnenschein<br/>
Heut' ist dein Geburtstag, darum feiern wir<br/>
Alle deine Freunde freuen sich mit dir<br/>
Alle deine Freunde freuen sich mit dir<br/>
Wie schön, dass du geboren bist,<br/>
Wir hätten dich sonst sehr vermisst,<br/>
Wie schön, dass wir beisammen sind,<br/>
Wir gratulieren dir, Geburtstagskind."</p>
<p>Jester gave a soft smile. Caleb smiled back at her and nodded to the flame in his hand. "Make a wish," he said.</p>
<p>She closed her eyes for a minute, her tongue peeking out of one corner, then opened them and blew. He dropped the spell the moment he felt her breath on him. Jester should get her wish, even if Caleb had to cheat a little to make it happen.</p>
<p>"What did you wish for?" You weren't supposed to say. His father used to say that saying a wish aloud meant it wouldn't come true. Caleb had proved him wrong today, though.</p>
<p>Jester looked like she was thinking the same thing. Her eyes narrowed, lips puckered in thought. And then she sighed and slumped against him. "I wished for someone to just tell me how old I am today." Her eyes were clearer when they met his. A little wistful, but no longer sad. "It's really weird not knowing."</p>
<p>Caleb nudged her with the shoulder she leaned on. "Well, now you're like the rest of us. We've never known how old you are. I thought that was what you wanted."</p>
<p>Jester shifted a little bit, awkwardly. He felt her feet nudge his leg as she shuffled them together under the blankets. "I don't know. I was embarrassed, you know?"</p>
<p>"Embarrassed? Why?"</p>
<p>"Because I felt like a kid sometimes." She reached up to flick a lock of his hair out of her face. "I mean, everybody I met after I left Mama… You all have seen and done so many things, you know? I felt a little stupid. And, like... I thought you all saw me as a kid? But I'm not."</p>
<p>"I know that."</p>
<p>She gave him a doubting look. "You do?"</p>
<p>"I mean, I've pieced together enough from meeting your parents and your friend to know that you're at least in your twenties. Most of the Nein are. Or at least the equivalent, for Caduceus. Nothing to be ashamed of."</p>
<p>"I guess that's true." She absent-mindedly fiddled with the collar of his coat.</p>
<p>"Pretty sure Beauregard has always been the, um, baby of the family, as it were. But don't tell her I know that."</p>
<p>Her fingers stopped, tightening on his collar as she looked up, interested. "Wait, really?"</p>
<p>He waved a hand. "Ah, she can keep up the pretense if it makes her happy. My point is, age doesn't mean you have to be any certain way. You are who you are. That will always be good enough for me."</p>
<p>Jester bit her lip. "Twenty-seven," she said. "I'm supposed to be twenty-seven today." He tried not to react, but he felt his eyes open a touch wider. </p>
<p>"Well, that is a little older than I would've guessed. And it was probably about five years, ja? So plus five would make you thirty-two." She looked down. He reached a hand to tilt her chin back up. "But that doesn't change anything."</p>
<p>"It doesn't?"</p>
<p>"Do you still love baked goods?" Caleb looked at her and the corner of his mouth ticked up a bit. Hers mimicked his.</p>
<p>"Ja."</p>
<p>"Are you still a fantastic artist?"</p>
<p>"Fantastic?"</p>
<p>"Do you still believe in the Traveler?"</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes. "Obviously."</p>
<p>"Then you're still you. No matter how old you are, you're Jester Lavorre. Only you get to decide what that means. As far as I'm concerned, you're a pretty spectacular person just as you are right now. I wouldn't change you for the world."</p>
<p>Those eyes he'd long since memorized the color of seemed to sparkle a little deeper at his words. Her voice was soft and high. "You really mean that?"</p>
<p>"Ja."</p>
<p>She leaned her head on his shoulder, and turned, burying her face in his neck in a soft hug. The feeling of holding her close made his heart jump in his chest, but he took a deep breath. <em> She's his </em> , he thought. <em> Don't go down that road. </em> This night, he knew, might be all he would ever get. And that would have made him sad that morning, but now he was only grateful. He had lost her. But he thought of what happened just a few hours ago. He wasn't going to lose her like <em> that </em>. Losing her to a worthy man was infinitely less painful. Survivable. Somehow knowing that made it easier. Caleb loved this woman with all he was. He always would. He'd give up everything to stay in this moment with her. But he knew it would still end all too soon.</p>
<p>And it did. She pulled back, just enough to look into his eyes again.</p>
<p>"You're pretty great as you are too, Caleb," Jester said. Caleb's breath was a bit shaky.</p>
<p>"Eh." He coughed, shrugged, winced. "I guess, maybe the difference is that the rest of us have to try." She laughed. "Did I help at all?"</p>
<p>She nodded.</p>
<p>"Enough to chase the nightmares away?"</p>
<p>Jester pulled her knees up to hug them. "I didn't wake you up did I?"</p>
<p>"No. I was studying. Thought I'd get in another hour or two before I turn in."</p>
<p>"Another hour or two? Isn't it like, super late?"</p>
<p>"No. It's only barely eleven."</p>
<p>"Oh. But, won't the dome fade before we wake up, then?"</p>
<p>"I'll recast it before I go to sleep. You've got to be exhausted, though. You don't have to wait up for me."</p>
<p>"I am pretty tired, and really really sore… But no. Would you hand me my bag? I think I'd like to draw for a little while. It usually helps me sleep."</p>
<p>Caleb nodded. The air around them grew warmer. Her hands were still shaking a little bit, but he nudged her bag toward her. She plopped her sketchbook on her knees and Caleb followed suit with his spellbook. She turned to lean her back against him, her hair falling over his shoulder. His arm instinctively moved to her back to support her weight against him. She gave him another smile and lost herself in her drawing.</p>
<p>They leaned against each other for a while, ensconced in comfortable silence. Silence only broken by the scritching of her pencil or his turning of a page.</p>
<p>Jester broke it first. "Hey, Caleb? How do you tell the difference between a crow and a raven? Or if it's just a bird that's black?"</p>
<p>He glanced over at her to find her tilting her head slightly to the side in curiosity.</p>
<p>"They're different species entirely. The raven is larger and has a more wedge-shaped tail. Why? Are you trying to draw a bird?"</p>
<p>She tilted her drawing toward him. A large black bird was taking form on the page in front of her. It was a little rough, either from the shaking of her hands or the speed she'd drawn it, but it was still a beautiful picture. Quite lifelike and detailed, actually. The dark bird perched on what was clearly a fence post in progress. His feet were a bit roughly outlined. But his face was what jumped out to Caleb. The bird was alarmingly specific. Two small scars ran down the bird's face--almost like it only narrowly escaped a cat attack with its life--a clouded eye facing the viewer.</p>
<p>Caleb knew the bird was a he. Just like he knew he had a crack in his beak on the other side.</p>
<p>"He's a raven," Caleb said.</p>
<p>"You're sure?"</p>
<p>"Positive. I've seen him before." His voice was a little more brusque than he'd intended, but the sight of that bird stirred something almost forgotten in him.</p>
<p>"Are you sure it's the same bird?"</p>
<p>Caleb pointed to the beak. "There's a crack right here on the other side, Ja?"</p>
<p>Jester's tone was somewhere between surprised and spooked. "Ja… How…?"</p>
<p>"Where did you see him?" There's no way this bird came from her imagination. There had been coincidence enough among the Nein, but this was too much.</p>
<p>"He was in my dream." Quiet. Enough to shake Caleb out of his head. "I was in a field. There was a small house with a fence around it. He was standing on it. Then he flew towards me and I turned around to follow him and a woman was just standing there as he flew away."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>Her eyes got far away as she spoke, like she wasn't there with him anymore. His arm tightened around her back. "The colors were all wrong. Like there was this sheen of grey over everything, you know? Nothing was as bright as I could tell it was supposed to be. She kept talking to me but it's jumbled together and all I can remember for sure was that she knew my name." Tears were back in her eyes, but they didn't fall. "I don't know who she was. I can't get a clear image of her in my head. The bird was clear though. I thought if I could draw him maybe she'd get clearer too. But she isn't."</p>
<p>Jester looked Caleb in the eye again, as though remembering he was still there. "I didn't like it there."</p>
<p>Caleb saw the fear in her eyes and gasped. "The other side?"</p>
<p>Jester shrugged. "I think it's a different plane? Maybe the spiritual plane?" She looked almost right through Caleb as she spoke. Her voice certainly cut deep. "If I had to die to see that, and <em> you've </em>seen that bird before… Did you die before, Caleb?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "No. But it isn't exactly a happy story."</p>
<p>"Tell me anyway."</p>
<p>"I don't remember much. My time at the sanatorium is a bit fuzzy." The fear in her eyes hardened into anger. Caleb continued, "But I saw him out my window. I'd almost forgotten. It's been a long time. I wasn't sure if he was even real. I used to hear the guards say I was talking to the air. But I wasn't. I was talking to him."</p>
<p>He pointed to the rough sketch of the bird's feet. "One of his claws is missing too. Not the whole toe, just the end bit. On the left foot."</p>
<p>Caleb didn't need Jester's wide eyes or solemn nod to confirm it, but he had them all the same. He had her hand too. Her skin was warming, her hands most of all, but still cooler than his own. The change in temperature registered as she slipped her palm into his.</p>
<p>"I named him Heindrig." The memories were coming clearer. "There wasn't much to eat there, but I'd save bits of crust to feed him. He seemed to enjoy it, but I'd get in trouble if they saw me throwing the bread out the window. He wasn't much, but he was a friend of a sort. Kept me company. After a while, I started telling him about my day. He always stayed to the end of my stories. The guards weren't so appreciative of them so I had to keep quieter and only feed him if they weren't around so they wouldn't get after me about it.</p>
<p>"He started coming only at lights out. And then one day he stopped coming. After that witch healed my mind, I didn't see him again. So I wasn't sure he was ever real."</p>
<p>Jester was glaring at her drawing. His hand came up to her shoulder.</p>
<p>"Jester?"</p>
<p>"I hate thinking of you in that place."</p>
<p>Caleb pulled back. "I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"No." She grabbed his hand before it could leave her shoulder. "You shouldn't be. It's them who should be apologizing to you. All of them. I'm not sorry Vess Derogna is dead. I'm just sorry we weren't the ones who did it."</p>
<p>"I-"</p>
<p>"I know it makes things so much more complicated, but I hate all of those people for allowing that shit to happen to you. I know you think it was your fault, but I will never believe that. You hear me?"</p>
<p>Caleb stared at her, stunned at the vehemence in her voice. He nodded. Barely.</p>
<p>"Everyone worries about me. They think, because I met the Traveler when I was young, that he's taking advantage of me or something. But I'm lucky. He could have, but he isn't. He always just wanted to be my friend." She squeezed his hand then. "You on the other hand. You were what? Sixteen? You were a kid! You were a smart kid, but you were still a kid! And no one stopped it from happening to you. They could have, but they didn't. I will never blame you for it, Caleb. What they did to you was cruel."</p>
<p>"They didn't make me do it."</p>
<p>"Yes they did. That man tampered with your mind and you didn't even know he'd done it. For years and years! What else did he tamper with without you knowing?"</p>
<p>Caleb didn't have an answer for her. She let go of her sketchbook. Angry tears fell onto her drawing, smudging it, but she wiped them away from her eyes. Her cold finger traced his wrist where the scars barely peeked out from under his coat. </p>
<p>"He tortured you. He cast spells on you. Used you as a lab rat and the gods only know what else. Why?"</p>
<p>Why? He'd asked himself that question over and over again. Why him? Why his parents? Was this his punishment for being selfish and ambitious?</p>
<p>"Why did he pick kids from a poor town? So their parents would give him <em> permission </em>? Because poor people have no leverage against someone from the fucking Cerberus Assembly? They couldn't have fought him if they'd wanted to. So they all said, 'Sure, whatever man, make my kid super powerful and stuff. Anything.' They didn't know what they were agreeing to. They just trusted that the government wanted what was best for their kids and the Empire, but it's all bullshit."</p>
<p>Caleb couldn't speak. He was crying. Silent tears streamed down his face. He'd never expected Jester Lavorre. She'd never stop surprising him.</p>
<p>She shook her head. "I know your home means a lot to you, Caleb. And I will help you make it better by getting rid of all of those people. But don't ask me to blame you for something that wasn't really your fault. You were a kid. It's not your fault that the adults in your life failed you," she said.</p>
<p>Could anyone else see how wise she was? She was right. They treated her like a child. Blinded by her youthful exuberance. But she was smart and insightful and had come so far from the spoiled girl he'd fought with in Zadash. Less than a year in each other's company and they'd all grown so much. Especially since Mollymauk's death. So much of what had happened since was because of him.</p>
<p>Caleb smiled through his tears. Beauregard was always saying that Molly had wanted to leave the world better than he'd found it. He'd done it with them too, hadn't he? Caleb's heart broke for the fact that some of the best things happened after he had gone, but that's exactly what he'd have wanted. He never needed to see the fruits of his labor. He just left it, knowing he'd done his best by everyone he met. He'd left his mark on them all.</p>
<p>Caleb took another shaky breath. "We'll stop this thing. And then we'll stop them." Jester held him tight. When had his head fallen into her lap? But he didn't move it. He let her stroke his hair.</p>
<p>"Ja." Her voice was firm. "I don't know how we're going to do it, but we will."</p>
<p>"Maybe that's why we felt him back there. A reminder. We'll leave the world a better place. Just like he wanted."</p>
<p>Jester's hand froze. "You felt him too?"</p>
<p>"I think we all did."</p>
<p>"Fjord didn't." Caleb sat up at the mention of Fjord. Slowly.</p>
<p>"He said that?"</p>
<p>She nodded.</p>
<p>"Well, Caduceus probably didn't either. But I'm sure Veth and Beauregard did."</p>
<p>"How?"</p>
<p>Caleb bit his lip. It was an unspoken agreement between the three who had been there: don't tell them. They could protect them from that, at least. But he looked into her eyes. Jester didn't need protection. She needed people to trust in her strength. Trust in her so that she would trust in herself.</p>
<p>"It was how he died. Again. Down to the last detail. Except this time it wasn't Lorenzo."</p>
<p>"It was me," Jester whispered.</p>
<p>"It was Fjord." She looked up, shocked."The way he stabbed him. Twisted it. Lucien spat blood in his face and grinned toward the sky. His eyes stayed open. Just like Mollymauk."</p>
<p>"He really was in there."</p>
<p>Caleb nodded. "Or at least they had the same mannerisms. But he was in that room. I don't know how, but the whole of the Nein was there. That happened for a reason."</p>
<p>Jester gave a wan smile. "Artie says nothing happens for a reason. It's all chaos."</p>
<p>Caleb bit out a laugh. "Maybe most of the time." He shrugged.</p>
<p>"You never told us."</p>
<p>"We didn't discuss it, but I think none of us wanted you to know. I think we decided to carry the burden of details for you. You say Fjord didn't feel him there?"</p>
<p>"Ja. He kept saying that Molly was gone."</p>
<p>"Good. Let him." She looked confused. "If he can move past it all and not be haunted by it, I'm glad. Someone should be able to. Molly never was the type to be burdened by his past. Gottverdammt, if he were here and we still had to face down his past, we'd have had to drag him kicking and screaming the whole way."</p>
<p>Her laugh sounded more like her than she had in hours. "Can you picture that?"</p>
<p>"He would have said, 'No. Not happening. Bad idea. Let's not have anything to do with that.'" Jester laughed harder at his terrible attempt at the accent, and Caleb joined her.</p>
<p>"He would have hated all of this."</p>
<p>"Everything."</p>
<p>"Especially Vess Derogna. She would have left us alone at the sight of him. Or we'd have actually had to kill her."</p>
<p>"Probably. Perhaps it was all inevitable."</p>
<p>"And we still have to stop it."</p>
<p>"But not tonight." He closed the book in his lap. "Tonight we get some rest." He took out the glass bead she'd given him and took the time to recast the dome again. He had meant to sleep before, but had been thrown by her insistence that he join her in the blankets. The closeness of their bodies was too much for him to just sleep through then. The momentary puff of cold sent a shock through them, sending her body shaking again. She'd almost managed to stop.</p>
<p>She brushed a hand over her book, her brows furrowing. "Aw man, I smudged my drawing."</p>
<p>Caleb focused on raising the temperature a bit more and then pulled the blankets back around them both. "Come on. We'll be warmer together, ja?"</p>
<p>She nodded and put her book back into her haversack. "You really never saw that bird again Caleb?"</p>
<p>As she snuggled back down into the crook of his arm, his mind conjured her picture. He allowed the sketch to complete itself in his head. The bird, missing talon and all, stood perched on a fence. And then it was dark out, only the faint torchlight of a town back in the empire in front of him. Nott's arm was around the back of his knees. He was almost dead then. The potion still wet on his lips as his small friend dragged him into town.</p>
<p>"Where should we go, Caleb?"</p>
<p>He looked around at the small town of Trostenwald and watched a large, dark bird fly over and alight on a dangling sign. It plumed out its feathers and gave a low croaking call. The sign read: The Nestled Nook. Caleb had pointed to it. They'd managed to get inside and into a room before he passed out again. Then came a morning he'd never forget.</p>
<p>"Maybe… Goodnight, Jester."</p>
<p>"Goodnight, Caleb."</p>
<p>He flicked his hand and the dome went dark.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was a fun chapter to write. That is actually a german birthday song for children and can be heard here: https://youtu.be/XaKPbXXbtWY I only did the beginning bit because it's a bit long for the scene.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So it's a bit early, but hey, it's Thursday where I am and I have to work in the morning so you get the chapter a few hours early.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was the same. Every time she closed her eyes, Jester found herself back in that field. She jerked herself awake for perhaps the hundredth time, hoping she wouldn't wake Caleb. Fortunately, he slept on. His breath was soft on her face and she stared at him. She'd never studied him like this before--definitely not up this close, anyway. His eyelashes brushed against his cheeks, one of which bore a gash. How hadn't she noticed that? She almost reached up to trace his cheekbone, but managed to fight the urge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even in greyscale, he was handsome. That fact had never been lost on her, but she found it a bit novel with them sleeping chest to chest. She was sleeping with a boy. A handsome boy. Just sleeping had never sounded so intimate in the books. They always </span>
  <em>
    <span>woke up</span>
  </em>
  <span> cuddling, at least in the ones where the hero and heroine started as friends, but she and Caleb had </span>
  <em>
    <span>fallen asleep</span>
  </em>
  <span> cuddling. Friends didn't do </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> in stories. But perhaps they should. It was nice. His hair was soft and smelled good and got surprisingly everywhere as he slept. No matter how he tied it back, or how still he kept, pieces would escape and fluff up around his face. A lock of it kept brushing at the corner of her eye and she batted her hand up to brush it away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it wasn't his hair. It was a raven's wing. The bird gave out a call that almost sounded like a growl to her. She looked out over the fields that surrounded her and braced for the touch on her shoulder. It came again and this time she couldn't manage to wake up. Her eyes were open, but they felt so heavy… Each glance back and forth felt like she was fighting a moving current. But she didn't want to turn around. Didn't want to see the faceless woman with the garbled voice. Her name on a stranger's lips felt wrong. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was cold and every color was too dull. It had never been any different each time she found herself in that field, but somehow she knew that there was more to her surroundings than what she could see. She wanted the colors back. Color was familiar. Comforting. Her artist's eye could tell that something was off about this place. And she both longed for and feared the moment she figured out what that something was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her body turned of its own volition. She felt like a puppet in a play, moving as scripted. The woman stood there, her long, plain dress flowing in the light breeze. Jester couldn't see her feet. The grass was too tall and thick. It made the stranger look like she was floating. She was taller than Jester by at least half a foot. Her hair might have been a dull brown, but the fog over her eyes made it hard to tell for sure. Jester rubbed at them, but it wouldn't burn off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the chilliest mornings in Nicodranas, a fog hung around the shoreline and a little ways out to sea. It took time, but the heat of the sun as it rose burned the fog away until you could see out for miles and miles. She hoped this would do the same--do something that made any sense--but it stayed in place. It didn't move or shift. The fog was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She decided to focus on the dress the woman was wearing. Concrete. Solid. It looked like it was supposed to be a greenish color, with small floral accents along the bodice and sleeves. The haze of grey gave it the appearance of being faded, but Jester decided it probably would if she could see it properly. Because it looked shabby and worn. The stitching along the sleeves and collar was uneven. Threads were loose in places, but apparently still had enough tension to keep gaps from forming where the fabric pieces met. And the fabric was thick. Heavy looking. Maybe a nightgown? Why would this strange lady be wearing her nightgown outside? And at midday? The sun was straight above them and some shadows from more birds overhead circled around her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think you're supposed to be here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The voice was still a bit fuzzy, but it didn't sound so scary this time. Jester could detect kindness in it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You don't need to be afraid, Jester," the woman said, knowingly. "It'll be alright. I'll look after you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester felt her own bravery grow as the woman spoke. She turned her eyes up to her face, still not clear, but more like it was behind lightly frosted glass, this time. Before it had been like the tingly feeling when your hand falls asleep, but in her eyes. Pins and needles right to her irises. But looking didn't hurt this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Who's there?" There were tears in her voice that she hadn't expected. Was she crying? Her face was damp, but when she wiped her face, her hand came away dark. Bloody.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The woman smiled in an oddly familiar way. She took Jester's wrist and what looked like a hanky from her pocket. Knitted. It was softer than it looked though. She brushed away the blood, humming under her breath. Jester didn't know the song, but it was pretty. Almost like a dance. The one bird with the scars flew around them, wings flapping in time to the beat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is he yours?" Jester asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Always has been. Since I was a girl."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are you the Raven Queen?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her laugh was melodious. "No, dear one. I don't suspect you'll meet her today." Something about its cadence tugged at the back of her mind, but she couldn't place it. Jester was sure she'd never met this woman. Positive. But the familiarity did provide some comfort. She continued though, head tilted to the side. "Someone is calling you. Can you hear him?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester listened, but all she could hear was the flap of wings. She shook her head and was greeted with a sad smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He's faint. But I've had a lot of practice listening for voices from the other side."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The other side?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You know what has happened to you, Jester."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her whole body trembled with cold, though the sun shone brightly from overhead. Jester could feel its heat on her skin, but...</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shit. I'm, like, really cold. How is it so cold?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Where are you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm…" Cold. Snow. No. Grass. Tall grass. Surrounding her. Cold on her back, her neck. "It hurts." Jester put a hand to the back of her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Come inside, sweetheart."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Inside where?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The cabin was right behind the woman. Had it been before? But Jester could hear her feet against the hardwood. Solid. Not floating… Essek floated. Dragged his toes in the snow. Snow. Cold. Pain. She followed the stranger inside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The woman was puttering around a small kitchen when Jester entered. "I don't have a fire, but this tea should help warm you," she said.  A small teacup clinked as the woman set it on the table. The bird sat on the windowsill and sang, low and croaky. The woman listened closely, as though she could understand. "I know, my dear." Was she talking to the bird? Or Jester?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sit down, child."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester sat. The woman's face seemed clearer indoors. Her skin was pale, but freckled. Seriously freckled. They covered her face, save a patch above one eyebrow. In a straight line from the tip of her ear to her brow bone, the skin was smooth and clear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What happened to your face?" Jester pointed on her own face at the same stretch of skin. "Did you get a cut there or something?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Or something." She smiled at Jester and nodded to the teacup. "It isn't poison. I promise."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester took a sip and made a face. "Is there any honey? Or sugar? Or both? And milk, too?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The woman chuckled. "I knew I'd like you." She turned and took a jar from a shelf, filled with honey, handing it to Jester. "Not many cows here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do their souls not come here when they die?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So you do know."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester nodded, adding spoonful after spoonful of honey to her cup. "I don't like it here. There's no color. How would I paint?" The stickiness of the honey dripped across the back of her hand. She licked it off. "Even this doesn't taste right."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The color comes with time," the woman said. She stared at a woven tapestry on her wall. It seemed to be picturing the growth of a child. From boy to man.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester pointed at it. "I don't think I know this story."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How many of us know the entirety of anyone's story?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is it real?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"As real as anything."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester couldn't follow most of it. There were so many pictures in rows. The tapestry almost seemed endless. Her eyes glided over the pictures. The boy appeared to get into all sorts of mischief. In one, he had climbed into the rafters of his home to hide, watching his mother search for him below. Another one had him picking what appeared to be peas off a plant and eating every last one, placing their empty pods into his basket afterward. </span>
  <span>In another moment, the boy and his mother were making a pie and he put the dough for the crust on his head. His grin was impish as his mother wagged her finger at him with one hand, holding back laughter with the other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes travelled down and down. The pictures almost seemed to move as her eyes passed over. Like the time she'd made a goldfish jump out of its bowl and back in again when she flipped the corners of her sketchbook really fast. The boy got bigger. She watched him make friends. Learn to swim. Follow a cat into the woods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hang on," Jester said, getting to her feet and pointing to the tapestry. "I think I do know this part. It's like the cat prince!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's a very old story. You've heard it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"My friend Caleb read it to me. It's super cute. Look! It's even got a hat on!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You sound like my boy."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You had a boy?" Jester took another lick of honey, tea forgotten.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mmm. It was a very long time ago. He was the sweetest little thing. Always wandering off and getting into trouble." She pointed to a picture of the boy falling out of a tree. "He never could stop climbing things. I would turn around for only a moment and the next thing he'd be gone. I knew all I had to do was look up, but I would pretend to look for him, to make him laugh. His little laugh was the most precious thing to me. Even if he was going to be the death of me. So high up. Thought I'd die of fright every time. But he just laughed. Leapt from the rafters into his bed, giggling with each bounce. I miss hearing it. He's why I can't leave here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Like, you're stuck?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So to speak. I feel closest to him here on the edge. I cannot hold him, but I can still hear his voice on the other side. Sometimes. When the veil that divides the planes is at its thinnest, if you listen closely... Part of me has hoped he'd find me here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And the other part?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Would die again if he did. My baby boy. I can't bear to think of him in pain. And there has been so much pain. I never wanted to leave him. Even though I get glimpses of his voice, it's never his laugh. I would give anything to hear that. Joy. It's all a mother could want for her child."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Have I ever met him? Is that why I'm here with you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But I love making people happy. Maybe I can find him for you. Make him laugh at the right time so you can hear it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That would be lovely. But there's no time now. Do you hear that voice? Your friend is calling to you, Jester."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Listen."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The voice was faint and, like the woman, she could tell there was more to what he said than what she heard. "Open your eyes, schatz. You'd hate to be missing this."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Missing what? Life? She would miss life. Her friends. Her mama. Pastries. Nothing was sweet here. The colors were even bitter to her eyes. The woman's face was serene and she seemed fainter than before. And more distant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The world still needs you." Their voices were in tandem that time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The woman smiled at her. "You hear him now. Don't you?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I… Ja."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His voice came in again, soft. "I believe in you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester went outside. The sun had set. How did it get dark so fast? Time really was strange. But it wasn't really dark, was it? There were lights in the sky. The northern lights. North. Ice. Cold. She turned back to the woman.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stood, clearer than ever, the bird perched on her shoulder. It gave a croak in her ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're connected to him, somehow. That's why this one brought you here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Connected how?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The wind was picking up. Jester couldn't hear. The woman's mouth was moving, but the sound was getting louder. Her head hurt. She grabbed her ears to hide them from the fierce gusts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Tell him for me." The woman was fighting through the wind toward her now. Reaching. "My son... If you... See him... Please... Tell him..." She grabbed Jester's shoulders. Tight. She was saying something, but Jester couldn't hear her. It was loud.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hear my voice and follow it home." A rift seemed to tear in the air in front of her, pushing the woman back. Away. She yelled to Jester. "Promise me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But who are you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A hand on her shoulder. Pulling. She turned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jester. It's time to wake up."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes blinked open. Barely. The cavern was softly glowing. Caleb's lights floated around them and reflected prettily off the ice. She closed her eyes again and curled into him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Just a bit longer?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He huffed out a chuckle. "We already slept late."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester groaned and tried to sit up. She still couldn't open her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Tell me you got enough sleep."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She yawned, managing to pry her heavy lids apart. "I've got spells now if that's what you're asking. Did you want me to fix your hands?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He started to protest, but she'd already grabbed them. A moment later the skin was soft and pink. She looked at his face in time to see the cut on his cheek close up too. Jester smiled at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Danke, Jester." He looked around. "We've got to figure out a way out of here. How are you feeling this morning?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Tired. Super tired. But, you know, I'll be fine."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb reached out a hand to help her to her feet, but the moment she put weight on her left leg, she crumpled against him in pain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sheisse!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester breathed hard. Her calf was on fire. Plus it was being stabbed. Yep. Stabbing and burning. Caleb had his arm around her waist and was guiding her back to the ground. The moment she sat, her leg in contact again with the cold floor of the cavern, she actually sighed in relief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hands flew to her boot. "Tell me there's a zipper on this."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"In the back."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good. I didn't think you'd have been happy if we had to cut it off." He found the fastening and carefully tugged at it. It was stiff, but a few moments later her calf was freed and she screamed out in pain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sorry, schatz. We need to get this off."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She leaned her head on his shoulder as he worked it off her foot. Her teeth dug into the leather of his collar and she managed to only whimper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Gut, Jester. Es geht dir gut."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thought she felt warm pressure on her head. Quick. Did Caleb just kiss her? Then all thoughts of that were driven out as he freed her foot from her sock. She looked down to see thick bruising all over her ankle. Caleb pulled at her leggings but they were tight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mist. Swollen." He tilted her chin to face him. "You'll mend it later." And then he took a knife and cut the fabric up from the ankle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's lucky, she thought, that neither of them were too squeamish. True, Caleb had gagged a bit when she was trying to get food for Yarnball back in Xhorhas, but he was all stoicism now. Her entire calf was black. The cold actually felt a bit nice, but Caleb wouldn't let her put it against the ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Move your toes."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She focused. It hurt. Like, holy fuckballs, bad. But she managed to wiggle them a bit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Now your ankle. Up and down."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That one was harder, but she did it. Pointed her toe and back again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Now side to side." She winced. "I know, but come on. Try."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She cried out. Caleb gripped her hand in the one that wasn't holding her leg. Slowly, she rolled her ankle to the right and back. The left tilt felt like daggers again. Like her bones were pressing against each other. She felt a pop and screamed. Then she centered it again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb, surprisingly, seemed relieved. She looked at him in consternation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think it's broken," he explained.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How do you know? Are any of your books about medicine?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Nein. This is more from experience. I broke my ankle when I was almost seven. I couldn't walk for two months. Lucky for me, it healed right. This is just a bad sprain I think." He bent her knee and the calf burned. Jester let out a yelp.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb took the hand he was holding and placed it on her holy symbol. "Heal yourself now."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I didn't prepare a lot of healing. Why did I not prepare a lot of healing?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey. You did it for my hands, ja? Just do your best."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded. Closed her eyes. She started to murmur a prayer to the Traveler. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Traveler, be with us."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiled at his words as she finished her spell. She looked down at her leg and it looked significantly lighter. Her ankle too; it was less purple. The swelling might have gone down a touch, though it was hard to tell. The loss of compression from her boot had allowed it to spread. And spread it did. Almost all the way up to her knee. She repeated the movements Caleb had asked of her before and they still fucking hurt, but not as bad. She could move a little quicker than before, at least. He helped her stand and she could put a little more weight on it. But not for long. She cast mending on her leggings and Caleb helped her put her sock back on, but the boot was hopeless. She'd just been wearing it, but with the swelling spread across more of her leg and foot… There was no way they could get it back on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She leaned on him. "We've got to get out of here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think you're good to travel today."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No, Caleb." Her voice was firm. "Who knows what is happening out there. We can't stay down here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The ground is slick and you can barely walk."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester looked around at the cavern, shoving her boot into her haversack. "I'll figure it out. What's the plan?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wiggled his hand. "I was going to, ah, dig us out."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She grabbed his arm and pointed to the area he'd cleared--the place she'd been buried. "You barely were able to get that far. Aren't you worried about a second cave in?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you have a better idea?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thought for a moment. If only they didn't have to dig. She hobbled slowly over to an untouched wall and ran her hand down it. It wasn't as pearlescent as it had been before. She pointed it out to Caleb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're right," he said. "I suspected before that whatever was causing it was causing the changes in our magic. Remember?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. I was a mammoth one second and my spell gave out mid-stomp." She paused. "Do you have polymorph today?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked around at the rounded tunnel walls. They were rough in places--and not from the quaking. Large. Rounded. Her still-heavy eyes widened a bit and found Caleb's. "What do you suppose made these tunnels?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not sure," he said. "Something big."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Big like those worms we saw, maybe? They burrowed through the ice and snow, right? So maybe if we can be a couple of them, we can just dig our way straight up to the top." She pointed up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb stared at her for a moment, jaw slightly agape. "Why didn't I think of that?" He grabbed her cheeks and placed a firm kiss to her forehead. Then, pressing his forehead to hers, he whispered fiercely, "You are brilliant, Lavorre. Don't let anyone tell you different."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester grinned at him. "I'll go first, ja? To make sure this works. I'd kind of like to not be on this leg, you know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb nodded. "You can do this." Jester took a deep breath and clutched at her Traveler's gate symbol. She listened to Caleb count in Zemnian. Focused her mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nothing happened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fuck. It isn't working."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Perhaps it's the wrong creature."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester puckered her lips in thought. A creature that could burrow through the earth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb shrugged. "A giant badger could work, ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think it'd move fast enough, though. I mean, we'll run out of spells way before we reach the top, won't we?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Probably."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She ran her hand down the wall again and noticed stone peeking out of the icy wall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There's stone in all that ice. What can go through stone? An elemental? Like an earth one?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb picked at the stone she had found. "I think it could work."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester could feel her face turning purple from pain as she put more weight on her leg. "Anything to get out of here." She clutched at her holy symbol and focused her mind again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Daumen drücken," Caleb said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then poof.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She towered over Caleb, who shrunk back, unsure. Jester looked around. She was still blue, but her eyes found deeper waves of color swimming through it. Marbled. A patch of sparkling color stood out amongst it all, like gemstones swimming in a dense ocean. A cracking of ice. Caleb murmured a curse as he moved closer, slipping a little. She turned to steady him, her thick stone arms swinging, menacingly. She tried to give Caleb a smile, but judging by the look on his face, it clearly didn't offer much comfort. One of the spines on her other hand brushed against the stone patch of the wall and the grinding sound of it pulled her attention in that direction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The only thing that told her the difference between the stone wall and her stone form was the color. Deep blue stood out against the stark, lighter grey that blended with the ice around them. She ran her hand over the wall and gave it an experimental push. Her hand and arm sank into it. Becoming one with the stone. She could almost feel it moving through her as well as around her. And she wasn't sure if it was unpleasant or not. Once her whole body submerged into the rock, she kept going. Up. It was barely more than a thought. And then she was just moving. Almost instinctively. She could feel the vibrations of the earth around her and somehow knew where to go. Felt it. Like the rock itself was speaking to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When her head finally broke the surface of the snow above, she barely had time to crawl out before the spell ended. She was out of breath and fortunately the sun was up. Quick thinking had her casting the spell again. She transformed into the familiar skin of a woolly mammoth. Just to ward off some of the chill while she waited for Caleb. A lighter brown elemental, flecks of amber gemstones spread throughout its stone form, popped up a few moments later. Caleb appeared in its place, his form dropping quickly too. Jester waved her trunk at him. He waved back, shivered and took a few steps, dropping to his knees and casting the tower.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester trumpeted in delight and dropped the spell once the door appeared. Caleb ran over, feet leaving deep grooves in the snow, to help her inside. Realizing the state of her foot--bootless in the freezing weather--he instantly gave up on helping her hobble and hoisted her into his arms. His arm brushed her calf as it slid under her knees to support her and she winced.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"S-sorry." His teeth were already starting to chatter. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he adjusted his hold before he began to trudge through the snow. Caleb's ears were immediately red and she placed her gloved hands over them in hopes of providing warmth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then they were inside. Instant heat surrounded them and Jester dropped her hands. A soft meow told her a cat was there to greet them. It wound around Caleb's feet and he smiled down at it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ah, Franz. Gut. Just the cat I needed. I think waffles would be a good breakfast. Also some hot chocolate, if you please." The cat meowed in a dignified manner before disappearing up a ramp.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester giggled and looked about the entryway. "Now what do we do?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Now." He adjusted her in his arms. "We have a late breakfast. And, if you're up for it, see if we can contact the others."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Right!" Jester smiled at him and held up her hands to tick off the words as she spoke. "Hey Beau! Me and Caleb are okay. We found a way out. We're in the tower. You guys alright? Where are you? I miss you!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb's laugh almost distracted her from Beau's response. "Ah! Thank god, Jes. We're all good. Caduceus cast a spell. Found a route out, but it's long. We should be topside by tomorrow morning?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh good. She says they've found a way out, but it'll take them until tomorrow to get to the end. Do you think we'll need to be eagles again to find them?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb nodded as they rose into the air toward the dining room. "Probably. Who knows where all those tunnels lead?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What are we going to do until then? It feels weird to just sit around waiting when that thing is out there."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It'll be okay. We don't have much choice."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. And your books are here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. I can do some more research and get some ideas for what to do next. You've got all that paint…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But you'll have to carry me to get to everything… It'd probably get annoying if you had to babysit me all day."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, I'm sure you could never annoy me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is that a challenge, Caleb?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester thought for a moment and gave a wicked little smile. "When you said my paintings would stay around if I wanted, is that just confined to </span>
  <em>
    <span>my room</span>
  </em>
  <span> or…?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He narrowed his eyes right back at her. "I know that look. What mischief are you up to now?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know…" Caleb stared at her. Jester could read his face too. His expression seemed almost… Conspiratorial? Jester caved. "I didn't have anything that specific in mind. Like, maybe… Going into Beau's room and painting like, 'Just kiss her, already" in big, big, </span>
  <em>
    <span>big</span>
  </em>
  <span> letters." She raised her hands, pulling them apart as wide as she could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb's eyebrows shot up. "What?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her arms dropped. "If she and Yasha don't just get it together, I am going to explode."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A cat meowed at them and they followed him into the dining room. The table was laden with food and they tucked into breakfast, happily. Jester watched Caleb put bits of fruit on his waffles, counting under his breath. She narrowed her eyes at him and grabbed a handful of miniature marshmallows. One at a time, she lobbed them onto his plate. For a moment, his counting sped up as he counted each one that landed. She lobbed a few bigger marshmallows and two of them plopped into his cocoa.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A look of recognition dawned on him. "Beauregard and Yasha. Is that what the marshmallows meant?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughed. "Wings. Staves. Caleb."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja, ja." He tapped his forehead. "Board. Head. Got it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I, uh, is that not how you say it in common? That phrase… When you're a bit, uh, slow on the uptake?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You mean you were a bit dense?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I was a bit dense there wasn't I?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. They're like, super obvious, Caleb. And they keep looking at each other like they do and I am this close--" she pinched her fingers. "To just smashing their mouths together for them."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn't say anything, but she could see the gears moving in his head as he took a sip.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The sexual tension is killing me." She took a big bite of her waffles. A bit of whipped cream got on the tip of her nose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb smiled and huffed a laugh. "I think I might have an idea there. It'll have to wait until next time though."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're going to help me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugged. "Why not? Was that the only thing?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester thought for a moment. She could break into Caduceus's tea and mix them around into the wrong jars. But, that was so stupid. He would figure it out immediately and what kind of prank would that be?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh! I could paint a pretty underwater mural on Fjord's wall!" His brow knit together in confusion. She leaned in with an evil grin. "And put sea turtles in it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You want to frighten him to death?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester giggled. "Can you imagine the look on his face? He'll probably scream like a girl."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb only hesitated for a moment before nodding in agreement. "I think we could all use a laugh right now." His mouth ticked downward a touch. "Though I'm not sure how much help I'll be. I'm no artist."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I've told you before, Caleb. Look at this place." She gestured around them. "You have it in you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His cheeks reddened. "This place is magic. I just have to imagine it. What you have is skill."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I bet you'd be better at it than you think. You draw all those sigils and stuff all the time, right? It's the same thing. All it takes is practice."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I guess that's true, isn't it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You can help with the water. I'll do the turtles."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Deal."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Between the two of them, six huge waffles disappeared in record time. Funny how hungry dying makes you. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> dying makes you. Jester was getting a bit overwhelmed by all the feelings that'd been rushing through her since last night. Fear and sorrow. Anger and joy. Hunger and wonder. She wanted it to slow down. For the world to slow down. The weightlessness of death had been confusing at best and scary at worst, but she missed the lack of urgency.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Time was always of the essence. Everything was a disaster, or at least one waiting to happen. Except in the tower. It was nice to be suspended for a little while. Aeor and its varied monstrosities didn't exist there. With the cats and warmth surrounding her, Jester felt safe. Not a lot had given her that sense of security or stability, not since the statues, but having a place to come home to, helped. Having </span>
  <em>
    <span>people</span>
  </em>
  <span> to come home to, helped. Even if some of them were gone right now. It was when she stepped into the safety of Caleb's tower that Jester most felt like everything would be okay. Because that's what home is. No matter what's happening outside, home is a respite from it all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb had always given her that. She remembered the look in his eyes right after the three of them saved her, Fjord, and Yasha from Lorenzo. The way he brought her into the dome for the first time. Just her. To let her know that not only was she free, but to give her the comfort that he wouldn't let that happen to her again. She'd meant it when she'd told him he was her home. And then he'd made them one and it became literal. Because the tower was always with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had been afraid when she left her mama that home was gone forever. Visiting her mother would always be just that now. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Visiting</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Just like her dad. He would welcome her when she came, but his reluctance to admit that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> her father came with the crushing truth that she didn't have a home with him either. It was what she wanted when she set out on this journey. And, surprisingly, it was Caleb who had given it to her. A stinky stranger she had met in a small-town inn had created her a home. Become her home. She could've missed him. If Molly and Yasha hadn't come in when they did, they might've gone their separate ways.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Molly. With his tarot cards and grandiose posturing. If it hadn't been for him and that circus, they all might just have been strangers instead of friends.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester heard Caleb's voice in her head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You are the very heart of the Nein."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knew he was talking to her, but she didn't remember hearing him say it. But he was wrong, anyway. Molly was the heart of the Nein. He was the glue that sealed them all together. He was why they were in Eiselcross of all places. He was why they were going to stop whatever had been unleashed with that city.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One chance meeting had changed everything for her. And despite the bad things that had happened over the last year, Jester wouldn't change any of it. Not if it meant she was sitting there amid all of it, just her and Caleb, eating waffles and planning pranks on their friends. She had been sobbing, harder than she ever had, just last night. But as they sat there, Caleb grinning at her, an aura of peace swept over her. There it was. The lightness she'd been searching for.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The response to this fic has been so kind! I love you guys! Every review makes me flail around in joy.</p>
<p>Also. I know I said 8 to 10 chapters. That was so adorable of me. At this point I don't know. It keeps growing. These people just wanna talk to each other and more stuff decides it needs to happen. And the fic keeps growing. I'm barely starting chapter 8 and my rough draft document for this fic is already at 35k total. It ain't anywhere close to done yet. I've got a long fic on my hands and I don't know how that happened. I mean, should we start taking bets as to how long this is gonna be?</p>
<p>I'm having a lot of fun here and having you guys along for the ride is just making it that much better. Strap in cause it's gonna be a doozy.</p>
<p>&lt;3</p>
<p>Ely</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Okay, okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop." Jester's fingers brushed against his as she took the paintbrush from him. "You're holding it too hard."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I told you," Caleb said, blowing a lock of hair out of his face. "I'm not good at this." He'd rolled up his sleeves to his elbows. And it was a good thing, too. Paint was all over his arms, covering the scars. He could almost forget they were there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester smiled, patiently. "No! You're doing pretty good! Look how good we did with the bottom layers! But if you push that hard, you'll muddy the colors."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The mural was coming along. Caleb hadn't really known what to expect when she'd dragged him into Fjord's room. He assumed the task would be a chaotic whirlwind, just like her, but Jester approached the painting surprisingly methodically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She'd turned their project into a full-on painting lesson. He'd expected to start with the darker blue paint she'd picked out, but she'd pointed to the white.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You have to put the light in first."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But the ocean is blue."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. It is darker underwater, but there's some light there, too. You see it bouncing off all the waves and ripples in the water. See, this kind of paint doesn't stack as good, but it'll dry faster. So you want to put in the lighter colors first so they show up better." Every word seemed punctuated with a gesture of some sort. He followed her instructions and, slowly, it really did start to look like water. The way the lines flowed almost made it look like it was moving. A simple illusion </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> actually get it moving. He made a mental note for later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She started on one of the areas she had outlined with white chalk. "This won't stay on this surface too good, so it's good to make a rough idea of what you're going for, you know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb was adding shadows, darker and darker like she showed him, when he found the brush yanked from his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"See, like this." Jester demonstrated, gently holding the brush in one hand. She tapped the end to the wall, her arm making swirling motions. "Delicate. All your movement goes in your elbow for this part, not your wrist. Smoother lines at this scale."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She closed his fingers around the brush and held onto his wrist. The feel of her hand against the scars there almost had him pulling away. Instinct told him not to let her touch them. But he ignored that voice. It was easy to do with the feel of her skin on his. Her scent surrounding him. She moved his arm like a conductor for an orchestra. "Soft, swirly. The ocean moves, ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ja</span>
  </em>
  <span>," he breathed. He could feel her breath on his neck, her lips at his ear as she guided his movements. His own breathing was shaky, but she didn't seem to notice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She released him. "Now, not too many shadows. Don't destroy all the light, okay?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded at her, lifting the brush. "Balance."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A smile. "Exactly." She pointed her own brush at him, a little of the yellow paint flicking onto his face. "Oops. Sorry." She wiped it away with her thumb and then she was back to her turtles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb watched her for a moment. They were both covered in paint. Fortunately, the cats had already made off with her white coat for laundering after a hearty laugh at breakfast had caused her to lose her grip on her cocoa. Hopefully, they could get it clean again, but she actually seemed more upset over the loss of her cocoa rather than the dreadfully stained coat. He'd laughed at her reaction and scooted his mug toward her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was having a hard time remembering she wasn't his. When Artagan had forced him to face what he actually wanted, it freed up something inside him that was a little frightening to let loose. Love was something he'd long ago put aside. Not an option. Not anymore. But Jester had a way of turning him inside out and the plans he had made for himself were ruined a long time ago. Because if he were to succeed in figuring out a way to go back, he wasn't sure he could go through with it now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Going back in time to fix his mistakes would mean abandoning the Nein. Abandoning her. And he had come to the harsh realization that he couldn't do it. He'd sworn that he'd fix what he'd done. Promised his mother and father that he'd make them proud. He'd grow. Get stronger. Fix it. Or at least make up for it. Had he done that? He had thought it might have given him some level of atonement when he brought Jester back from the dead. But if it hadn't, was he just going to abandon the promise he'd made? Maybe. For her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every touch, every smile they shared, it was so easy to pretend it was only the two of them in that room, but then he'd remember the way </span>
  <em>
    <span>their</span>
  </em>
  <span> hands had been intertwined just two days ago. He had caught it out of the corner of his eye. Fjord had let go quickly, but her smile had been radiant. And Caleb would never get between them and that kind of happiness. If </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> was what she wanted, what she'd chosen, Caleb would endeavor to be okay with that. He loved her enough to let her go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But his mind couldn't stop the what-ifs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because she was so beautiful covered in paint and grinning ear-to-ear. He could see the winces when she moved too quickly, but she pushed through it. All for a prank on the man she's supposed to love. The last time he'd asked her about her feelings, she was uncertain. Was she still? Could it still be possible that her feelings were undecided?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They'd looked so close, but then last night... The way she'd been so righteously furious on Caleb's behalf. The way she'd cuddled up next to him. He could still feel her in his arms, warm and solid. Feel every breath she took as though it were his own. He'd had to force himself to let her go. And he'd known if he gave into this feeling inside that that would always be the hard part. Because letting himself hold her and be held in return? That was easy. Once he'd given in, it was instinctual. Effortless. That dam he'd put between his heart and the world had protected him, had given him the strength to hold back. But, without it, things were growing more difficult by the hour. They just kept touching. Like gravity was pulling them together. These quiet moments between them just felt like a meeting of souls. Was he crazy to feel that they fit together? He was broken. But, then again, so was she in a way. Maybe that was where they fit: at the broken places.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked up at him, a look of inspiration in her eyes. "Do you think we should add a few fish in? For variety's sake?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What kind of fish?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know. Some black and orange ones? We've got a lot of those two left." She nudged one of the pots of paint at her feet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb shrugged. "Why not?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few swift brushstrokes filled in a few of the spaces around the plants with small orange fish. Caleb's attempt to mimic hers didn't pan out well. It was rough and lopsided, but it brought a smile to her face. He wasn't even sure that there really were fish like that, but she'd know better. He grew up landlocked. It didn't look too bad, though. She reached out for a low-five as they surveyed their handiwork. Without even looking, Caleb's hand met hers with a clap. Paint splattered a bit and her eyes widened in excitement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Wanna see a cool trick?" She grabbed a brush and dipped it into a small pot of thicker white paint. She held it, bristle side up, in front of her face. "This is the funnest way to make that water spray effect." She ran her fingers quickly over the bristles like a slingshot so that they flicked paint in the spaces she wanted. Flecks of white scattered at random and really did seem to give off that look of water crashing into water. The spray, the bubbles. The four turtles looked like they could just swim right off the walls. "Instant foam!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb shook his head in amazement. "Fjord is going to lose his mind."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know. It's going to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>so funny</span>
  </em>
  <span>." She took a step back, her leg trembling. Caleb barely caught her arm before she went down. Her face purpled with pain. She muttered curses under her breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I thought you healed it more before we came up here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I did." Her voice was pinched and she gripped at her calf. "Fuck, it's cramping so bad."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I think a hot bath is in order." He scooped her up in his arms. Jester didn't argue as Caleb carried her to her room. Her arms were around his neck again, fingers brushing at the shorter hairs at the base of his neck. It felt so nice. Her fingers were cool and still covered in paint, but he couldn't bring himself to care about that. He shivered, holding back a moan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tub sat steaming in the corner and he froze the second it was in sight. Because how was this going to work? She couldn't… Not with him standing there. Caleb could feel his face getting hot and red at the thought. He sat her down on her bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So. Uh…" He trailed off. Because she was already removing her shirt. He blanched and spun around to face the wall. Jester's laugh at his expense only served to make him redder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, come </span>
  <em>
    <span>on</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Caleb. It's not like you haven't seen me naked before."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"A public bath is different," he insisted. His face and hair were almost definitely matching at that point. But he kind of preferred it. The blood rushing to his face meant it wasn't rushing anywhere else. He could not deal with that. Not right now. It was one of the reasons he'd gone private with the baths.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Does that mean you're not coming in with me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No! I mean. Ja, it… I. Uh." He was cut off by her laughter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're really funny, Caleb, do you know that?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He covered his ever burning face with his hand. "Ich glaube ich spinne."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're spinning? Can you spin over here and help me into the bathtub, though?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's. I. Sure." Keeping his eyes screwed shut, Caleb turned around and lifted his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester squealed as his fingers brushed against her skin. "That's my boob, Caleb." He jerked and attempted to yank his hand back. Jester had his wrist in hand again as she laughed. "I'm kidding. It's my arm. Here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She moved his hand down to her bare waist, reaching up to lean against his shoulder. Her skin was smooth and soft and he almost opened his eyes just to glare at her. But he refrained. Barely. He tried not to think about the fact that she was unclothed and so very close to him. Warm. He blew out a breath as his leg hit metal and moved to scoop her up to put her in the water. His hand grazed over more bare flesh as it trailed down her side. Over her hip. Down her leg. Her knee. She squirmed a little. Ticklish?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He bit his lip and carefully lifted her into the steaming water. She moaned and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep his composure. He turned his back again to leave, but she halted him with a word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Wait! Well, I guess you probably want a bath too. But I'll just have to call you to help me out again, though. You might as well stay here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jester."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Look, I'm covered up to my neck so if you sit down you can't even see anything, ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb sighed and sat down by the brass tub, leaning his shoulders into the warm metal. He probably should learn to say no to her. But that wouldn't be happening for a long time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are all Zemnians so prudish?" Jester ruffled Caleb's hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shook his head. "Are all Nicodranians so… Brazen?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know. There are a lot of nude beaches, though. So I don't think it's really that big of a deal there, you know?" She leaned over the edge of the tub, placing her chin on his head. "I mean, you were naked at the beach, remember?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't forget much."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I saw your weenie," she whispered. Her lips were warm on his ear. Breath tickling at his neck as water droplets dripped onto his shoulder. Caleb gently waved a hand over his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You did not, you were playing with Nugget."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I did </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span>!" He buried his face in his hands again. Jester patted his head with a wet hand. "Don't you worry, Caleb. Of all the dicks I've seen, yours was in the top five."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He lifted his head then. "You have a ranking? Who am I talking to? Of course you do."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You are almost as red as my mama."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm glad my discomfort amuses you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her hand paused in its stroking of his hair. "Are you really that uncomfortable, Caleb? I mean, it's nothing to be embarrassed about, you know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I guess it was just the way I was raised. Not exactly dinner conversation, ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It was when I was younger, but I guess that's normal when your mom is a courtesan."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"She really talked this openly with you about it?" Water splashed over the edge and Caleb scooted away for a second. When Jester responded, her voice came back surrounded by an echo. As though she'd sunk down further into the water. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I mean, not all the time," she said. "But, ja, she was pretty open about it. She always said if I was old enough to ask the questions, I was old enough to hear the answers. Did your parents never talk to you about sex?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"My father did. But it was always more about his expectations of me, ja? He was very clear on how I was to behave."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So… Does that mean you're a </span>
  <em>
    <span>virgin</span>
  </em>
  <span> Caleb?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Because that would certainly explain a lot about how shy you are."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm not."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh." She paused. The water splashed a bit. "Was it Astrid?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. After we started at the Academy. We got close."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Before Icky-thong?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb nodded. "I'd had a crush on her since I was eleven."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Really? That's so cute."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I never thought she knew I existed. Blumenthal isn't a wealthy place, by any stretch of the imagination, but her family had more than most. Our paths didn't cross much except at school. She was a year ahead of me, so despite my attempts at flirting, I never thought I took up any space at all in her mind."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But you did."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb smiled sadly at his knees. "When we all got into the Academy, we sort of gravitated together. We were inseparable. Wulf and I had been since we were very small, but Astrid just sort of became part of us."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sighed. He could see them. Young and boisterous. Thinking they knew anything about the world. He remembered one afternoon they spent curled together in her bed, dreaming about the future. Determined to do whatever was needed for king and country, but their minds would be their weapons. A different kind of soldier. She'd ascend to the Assembly at some point, he'd teach at the Academy. She always tried to persuade him to shoot for the assembly too, but his ambitions had never been in that kind of leadership. Neither of them would have pictured where they were now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb shook his head. "That was a lifetime ago."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I saw the way she looked at you, though. Maybe it's not changed as much as you think."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know what she feels. I don't know how much of the girl I loved is still in there. And I'm not the same person I was, either."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You mean, you'll never be Bren again?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Will you ever be Genevieve again?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She scoffed. "No, but that's tiefling culture, though. I mean, your parents give you a name because they have to call you </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know? But it's a right of passage to pick your name. You get to choose who you are."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did your mother choose </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Ruby of the Sea</span>
  </em>
  <span>?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. Well, yes. As a stage name. But no. She chose Marion. I think she said it came from a book or a play or something? From when she was little. She liked it because the Marion in it was, like, super popular and desired or something, but she got to choose. And the guy wasn't a prince or anything, but some boy she grew up with. She became like a princess and he lost all his money and became a thief and stuff, but he was a good person and only stole from bad people, you know? And they got married and lived happily ever after. Or something. Mama tells it better."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She paused and he could tell from the slight muffling of her voice that she'd pressed her hands to her cheeks, puckering her lips. "Oh my god. She really is like the Marion in the story! And my dad is the thief guy. I have to tell him that story when I see him. I told him she'd love him anyway, but I don't think he believed me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It does sound like an interesting story. I'll have to see if I can find a copy."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you do, will you memorize it so it can be in the tower too?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. And I can give you the real one when I'm done so you can keep it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It was the one story she couldn't find for me. It's pretty old, I think. I loved hearing her tell it, though. Dad likes to read. Maybe I can find a copy for him, too!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's possible."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If I could get them back together again, I know Mama would be so happy. I think she just wants him to choose her, you know? Choice is very important to her."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But, you didn't have much choice. Staying cooped up inside for almost twenty six years." He hadn't meant to say that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A wet hand draped over the side of the tub. "Can I tell you a secret?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Of course."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"She did that to protect me. Not herself. I know she didn't want me to know that. She didn't want me to be afraid like she is. But I figured it out a while ago."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He actually turned to face her then. "What?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her hair was longer wet. She twisted it, wringing water out. "Mama is scared of a lot of things, but she always tried to make it clear that just because they were her fears didn't mean they needed to be mine. Like going outside, ja? When I picked the name Jester, and told her that I wanted to make people happy, she started talking to me all the time about choices. How she didn't want me doing things other people wanted, just to make them happy. My choices were mine. And my happiness came first."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's good advice."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I didn't understand at first what she was talking about. But after we ran into Lord Sharpe at the party and he didn't call the guards to have me arrested… I put the pieces together." Jester's arms swirled around in the water as she spoke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You-?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"She told me he put a price on my head and that's why I had to leave, but that's only kind of true. He hates me for what I did. But he wouldn't make a scene. He wouldn't have me arrested or killed just for embarrassing him. Well, he might want me in chains, but he doesn't want me </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He just </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants</span>
  </em>
  <span> me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants</span>
  </em>
  <span> you." His voice was flat. Uncomprehending.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Like how that other creep was trying to force Mama's clients away so she'd be all his?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ice flooded Caleb's veins. Colder than in the tunnels. Her voice was quiet, but matter-of-fact and Caleb could feel his anger rising with each word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"She didn't want the same thing to happen to me. She wanted my choices to be mine. She was never ashamed of her job, but she chose it, though. A lot of people don't. She didn't want me to be forced into it like some girls, you know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'd kill him if he tried." Her eyes met his, a little surprised at his vehemence. Caleb was seeing red. The mere thought of that man anywhere close to Jester made him clench his hands into fists. He'd wring the life from him. Caleb had done it before. Out of fear and desperation. But he wouldn't need either if that man touched her against her will. The fury inside him would no longer be kept on a tight leash. It would run free, ripping through that bastard with a burning force. Literally burning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A small flame popped into existence in his hand. He stared at it. He hadn't lost control like that in years. Jester smiled at him and placed her hand over his. The fire shone brighter for a second before going out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thank you. You're very sweet, Caleb. And, hey, you're looking at me!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked away. "Sorry."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No! You were making progress!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"When I was a boy, my father gave me a long lecture on respecting women. I guess those lessons are still in there." He tapped his temple.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's not like you're creeping on me in the bath, Caleb. I asked you to stay."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's complicated."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I guess. I mean, I don't know what's sexy about me washing my butt, though."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You've read all those books and you don't know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, it isn't like it's sexy though. I washed up and am sitting in hot water that's definitely getting gross. I mean, I'm basically sitting in soup that's made with sweat, and paint, and blood, and soap and stuff. Super attractive."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb smiled, despite himself. "Is the water helping?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja." She lifted her leg, much closer to its regular color, wiggling her toes. "I think I might be ready to get out, though. I'm all pruny."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. Right." Caleb stood, eyes closing tightly again. The sound of water cascading and sloshing about as she stood cut through the air. He reached for her, her flesh slick and soft in his grip.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Um. Caleb?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That really is my boob this time."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You think I'm going to fall for that twice?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. Seriously. That's my boob. It might be easier to do this with your eyes open. You know, so you don't grab anything you don't mean to." Her hand came up to meet his. Caleb felt the smooth, wet skin as she dragged it downward. It curved down along her side and toward her hip. He had been so certain this time that she was just screwing with him, but… A straight line. Caleb could feel his face go pale. He had touched... And she...</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Seriously though, Caleb. Open your eyes. You won't be disrespecting me, I promise." She released the hand now gripping her waist and tapped lightly on his cheek a few times.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes blinked open reflexively to meet hers. He didn't know what he expected to see in them. Judgement? Amusement? But there was neither. Understanding. That was there. Kindness? Forgiveness, perhaps.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still, his face burned again, but he didn't break her gaze. "Sorry."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's okay. I mean that's not how I expected </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> first to go, but I know it was an accident, though. I'm not mad."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"First?" he asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She leaned on him as she moved from the tub. His grip tightened around her waist and he tried so hard not to follow the droplets of water as they slid down her face. Her neck. Her shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja," she said, distracted. "Oh god, slippery." Her feet were unsteady against the wet wooden floor. He caught a glimpse of the breast he'd carelessly grabbed as she flailed her arms to keep herself upright. He forced his eyes back upward and let his other hand rest on her shoulder, steadying her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're a…" he trailed off. Jester reached out and grabbed a towel from where it hung.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Virgin?" She tousled her wet hair, droplets smacking him in the face. "You can say it, Caleb. It's not a bad word, you know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know. I just…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She took a step back. "What?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb stared at the ceiling. "I guess I just didn't expect that."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Why? Because I draw dicks all the time?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Maybe? I'm not sure."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her bed creaked as she sat. The rustling of clothing against wet skin. Caleb turned away now that she didn't need him for support. He tried to breathe, deeply and slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Really, Caleb? That again? I'm totally almost dressed."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Almost. Let me know when you're all the way dressed, ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She chuckled. "You'd think you were the virgin here. Seriously, are you sure your parents gave you that talk?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jester."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Alright. I'm dressed." A hand tugged on his elbow. "Unless my ankles being uncovered counts. Do I need to put on shoes?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Now you're teasing me?" He turned back to face her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had selected a pale yellow nightshirt with eyelet lace at the neckline. It flowed down to her knees. A pair of soft grey leggings poked out from underneath, stopping just below her knees and leaving her calves bare. You could barely notice the bruising anymore, but she favored the other leg still.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gave him a grin, leaning toward him. "I've been teasing you this whole time, Caleb. Haven't you been paying attention?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She definitely had been. Not in the way she intended to be, probably. Though he could only hope the extent to which she succeeded went unnoticed. His cheeks, he could tell, were still hot. Perhaps he shouldn't have stayed with her. The thought of that fleeting glimpse of her dripping form would haunt him for months.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her voice dropped its teasing lilt. "Have I really made you that uncomfortable? I mean, it's really not that big a deal to me, you know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It isn't?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. I mean, yeah, I'm a virgin. But bodies are just bodies, though. Nothing to be shy about or ashamed of."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Guess it's just the way I was raised. My father would be turning over in his grave."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Really?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. If he knew I had looked at a woman in her bath, who I wasn't married to, he'd have had my hide."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He was really that strict?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He was a soldier. He saw first-hand how many men treated women, and was determined to make me act better." Caleb smiled, sadly. "I know they aren't here to approve or disapprove of my behavior but…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You want to make them proud." He nodded. "They would be. Look how far you've come, Caleb. I mean you were a bit stand-offish when we first met, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>super</span>
  </em>
  <span> stinky." She waved a hand in front of her face as she grimaced, dramatically. He laughed and she nudged him with her elbow. "But look at you now! You've cleaned up real good. You turned out to be one of the nicest people I know. You're super smart and powerful. I mean, you brought me back from the dead. I can't even… How did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> that?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't really know." He sat next to her. "I know I pulled all the transmutation magic out of my stone, but I didn't really know what I was doing. Or how. I just focused on what I wanted to happen. And then, when the light from it made me open my eyes, I asked you to come back. And you did."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is that one of the things you wanted to research?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. The theory was sound, but we're lucky it worked. I don't really know what else it can do."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Where is it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh. Pulling the power back out of the stone made it crumble to dust. I'll make another when I have the time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh. But don't you have the time now, though?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja. I do, but I have no stone."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh. Right. We could go out and look for one?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll be alright. I mostly used it like a security blanket. I can probably concentrate fine without it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Still, you gave it up for me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's a rock, Jester. You're way more important."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester leaned toward him then, pressing her soft lips to his cheek. "Thank you, Caleb."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He almost pulled her back in. Almost took her chin in his hand and kissed her. But instead, he took her hand and squeezed. Because as soon as she pulled away she was yawning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Why the fuck am I so tired?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Because you went through hell yesterday?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, but I've slept since."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You died." Blunt. It was the first time he said it aloud in so many words. "That can't have been easy on you. It might take a few days to get you back to the top of your game."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I guess. I'm just tired of being tired." She leaned back into her pillows.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Get as much rest as you can. As soon as we group up with the others, I don't know how much rest we're going to get. We've got to decide what to do and get out of here. Fast."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's true. Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll do you one better." He snapped his fingers and Frumpkin appeared next to her on the bed. Jester gasped in delight as he hopped into her lap, nuzzling into her stomach and purring. Caleb reached over to scritch at the cat's ears. "Good boy. Watch over her for me, ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester rubbed her face against the cat's fur with a smile. "He's always so soft. And warm. We should've thought of him last night. He'd have schnuggled with us, wouldn't you, Frumpkin?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The cat let out a soft mewl and bumped her face with his own. Jester scooted back to lounge on her bed. Frumpkin kneaded her stomach with his paws. "I'm your favorite, aren't I?" she asked, smoothing her hand down his spine. He spun around once and curled into a ball on her chest. "Yes, I am." The cat only purred in response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He's all yours."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know. You said I could keep him forever."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pointed at her. "You tricked me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Would you expect anything less?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb shook his head. "No," he said softly. He turned to leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Caleb?" He looked back at her. "You'll wake me up, won't you? I mean, before dinner. You'll come back?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll be here when you wake up. Promise."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gave him a soft smile and a nod, pulling a white, knitted blanket over herself and closing her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Gute Nacht," he whispered, and shut the door quietly behind him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A hot bath. A gulp of ale. An hour digging through his books downstairs. He could still feel her wet skin in his hands. Soft. Perfect. There were freckles on her shoulders that he'd somehow missed before, but his mind couldn't stop cataloging the placement of each one. He longed to trail kisses there. Up her neck. Every moment he spent with her, his affections increased tenfold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fort, doch nicht vergessen." He found himself back in the Blushing Tankard, staring at the spot he'd once danced with her. A few moments in her arms… If only he'd never opened his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was a little devil, the way she teased him. Tempted him. Though he was sure she didn't know what she was inciting as she encouraged him to look at her like that. He had to fight it. Fight the thoughts of what he'd glimpsed as he held her, bare in his arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Only the worst of men," his father had told him, "take advantage of a person's vulnerability."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those words had echoed in his mind over the years. As he and Nott conned their way from place to place, tricking people out of their hard earned money. He vividly remembered the way his stomach had sank as that poor woman with the three small children had leaned over to help him. Kind-hearted. She hadn't noticed Nott picking her pocket, but Caleb had.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He'd watched with eyes glassed over, playing his part as his goblin friend had relieved the woman of her money. Nott promised she hadn't taken all of it, but Caleb knew her sticky fingers well. And all he could think about, as he ate his meager food, was the scared look of the youngest girl as the woman rushed the children away. That whole production just for three silver. That family might starve, but he wouldn't. He'd thought of his father's words then. The worst of men. Caleb had felt it hard. And that feeling hadn't stopped them from pulling a similar trick the following night. Or the night after.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A flick of his hand and the two of them were there in front of him. Dancing. Circling. Smiling. He didn't deserve her sweet smiles. The kisses he longed to give her. And he'd almost given in. Her lips were warm on his cheek. Eyes more lovely than ever before. Radiant with light and with laughter. She'd called him sweet, but his thoughts had been far from it. No better than that creep in Nicodranas. But she didn't seem to think so.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"She believes in you, too. So perhaps you should trust in her judgment."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He told her once that he was glad she could see good in him. Because if it was true, what she saw, he couldn't see it. Couldn't see past the worst things he'd done. He was trying to trust in her, but his father's words haunted him. The worst of men. Would giving in to this feeling prove him wrong? Or prove him right?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester was vulnerable for sure. Not just in her naivete, but physically. She was always so strong, but she'd been weakened by her injury. By dying. Would giving into this pull he felt toward her even be right in her weakened state? If it could be right in any state. He could, perhaps, try to deserve her. Become the man she deserved. But maybe that man already existed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They'd come a long way since he'd held a sword to Caleb's throat. Since their understanding signed in blood on the ocean floor. Fjord was a good man. And he adored Jester. A fool could see that. Whatever uncertainty had existed between those two back in Darktow was fading quickly. And whatever Caleb felt, there might not be a place for him in her heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan had warned him about pushing Jester away. Told him to give her a choice. To trust in her judgment. But if she'd already chosen </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>? He couldn't throw a wrench in her happiness by putting himself forward. All for a selfish sense of hope or closure? No. If he could ever be the sort of man to deserve her love, it couldn't be like that. She was going through enough. Her emotions were everywhere. She'd been jubilant and coquettish, angry and forthright, sorrowful and broken. All in a matter of hours. And it hadn't seemed to settle yet. Caleb couldn't confuse her further. Not when she was still finding her footing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Trust in her… He could do that. Trust her to tell him what she needed. Artagan said he'd leave to encourage her faith. But there were other ways of doing that. She was waiting to be abandoned. So Caleb decided he'd just have to be steady. If she looked for him, he'd be there. If she called out to him, he would come. He could be whatever she needed. No matter what happened; no matter which way the wind blew them, she'd always have him to come home to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"What if we can never go home?"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"You're our home. At least mine."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It's what she's been looking for. Ever since she left her mother, all she'd wanted was to have a home again. She'd found it in the Nein. In him. If it was home she needed… Caleb could be that. She'd asked him to be there when she woke up. So he would be. As long as he was able.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He floated back down to knock on her door. No response. So he poked his head into her bedroom to check on her. She still slept soundly. Curled up with his cat, her blanket had shifted to wrap around her middle. He gave into his desires for just a moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few seconds of concentration and he felt her arms, warm around him and nuzzled into her. Her breaths were soft and even and Caleb hated to wake her when she was at peace like that. So he let Frumpkin do it instead. He stretched and squirmed in her arms a bit to free himself. Once he'd managed to extricate himself from her embrace, he got to his feet and nudged her with his face. His tail swished against her nose when he turned around to make biscuits in her clothes. A soft meow cut through the silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulled himself back once she'd started to stir. She stretched. The blanket shifted, her shirt rising to display her midriff. Her tail flicked a bit against the blanket and Frumpkin pounced at it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester giggled. "Okay okay okay. I'm awake." She scratched his ears and Frumpkin's purr was loud. He leapt from the bed and trotted over to Caleb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He bent down to pick him up. "Yes. You are the best boy." Caleb placed him on his shoulders to scarf around his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're here." Jester's voice was thick with sleep, but not panicked like it had been last time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I promised. No bad dreams?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shook her head, yawning a little. "Not bad. Just weird. I can't tell what's a memory and what's just part of the dream, you know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Maybe it'll get clearer in time."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Maybe. What time is it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Almost eight o'clock. Late supper?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Will there be more waffles?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And some fried chicken."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"On waffles?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's good. I promise."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She lifted her hand to him and like a moth to a flame, Caleb closed the distance.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Flying was the best thing ever. And that wasn't the mind of the Eagle talking. Jester loved the feel of the wind in her feathers as she coasted along the rising air current. The way the light sparkled across the snow and ice around them. Everything seemed more beautiful from high up. The chill was a little much though, so it was fortunate that the spell only lasted an hour.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester lit upon the ground as she felt the spell fade. She shielded her eyes from the bright sun and looked around. A large bird circled overhead. Caleb seemed to be enjoying himself. He always got super into polymorph, frequently staying in the chosen form as long as possible. His amber eagle did loops in the air as they searched the area for signs of their friends. Nothing had caught their eyes so far.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bird overhead gave a squawk that became a yelp and Caleb, human again, plummeted toward the ground. He managed to grab his feather and yell out a spell barely in time to prevent himself from crashing headlong into the ground. Instead, he landed gently beside her, windswept and ruffled, but smiling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How did you run out that spell midair? I thought you had this clock in your head or something."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I guess I got sidetracked." He busied himself with smoothing his hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll say. I'm pretty sure that many loop-the-loops in a row is some kind of record, you know? But did you see them?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you think I'd have been time-wasting like that if I had?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shrugged. "Maybe. It looked like you were having fun."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You too. Did you catch the rabbit?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No," she said, remembering the little hopping creature she'd followed for about twenty minutes. "It got into its little burrow when I got close. It's okay, though. The chasing part was more fun anyway."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb nodded toward the cliffs to the west. "No sign of any exit over here. Should we check the other side of the range?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester nodded. "It's freezing up that high. Are my teeth still chattering?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb gestured her closer and pulled an empty healing potion flask from his bag. "Give me your waterskin."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It'll freeze."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Trust me." He plunked a few dried berries into the glass flask, pulverizing them with the end of the wand Cali had given him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She handed her water over and he filled, stopped, and shook the flask. "You want to see a cool trick?" Jester nodded again. He had that look in his eye. The one that said he was about to do something clever. Like he had when he'd shoved his hands into a loaf of bread.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester hadn't thought about that moment in a long time. He'd looked so proud of himself for the idea. It had confused her a bit at the time. Why would he shove his </span>
  <em>
    <span>dirty</span>
  </em>
  <span> hands into food he was going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>eat</span>
  </em>
  <span>? But now it left her feeling sad. Because there was a time when he'd had to choose between food and warm clothes. Such simple things that she'd taken for granted. Probably still did. But it hurt to imagine him cold and hungry. It made her grateful for the tower in a whole new way. He'd never live like that again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb yanked out the cork with a pop. He took her mittened hand and had her grasp the neck of the flask securely. Then, he let both his hands cup the bottom of the glass. They began to glow. Faintly at first, but growing brighter. Flame started licking a short way up the sides, but stopped short of catching on Jester's gloves. At first, nothing else seemed to happen. Then there were a few bubbles forming. Steam. The fruit-filled water inside the glass quickly began to boil. He let it for a moment, and then pulled back his hands. The flames in them went out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It'd be better with a little sugar, ja? But it's better than just hot water."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester took a few tentative sips. She probably couldn't have guessed what fruit it was supposed to taste like had she not seen him put them in, but it was definitely better than nothing. Almost like a faintly berry-flavored tea. Not super tasty--he was right about the sugar--but it warmed her from the inside. Jester carefully passed the vial over to him and he took a few swallows. He passed it back to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her breath steamed harder in the air with each gulp of steaming liquid. She took a deep breath in through her nose and opened her mouth wide to blow the steam in Caleb's face. "It makes me feel like a dragon or something." She swallowed the last dregs in the vial--the single mouthful was more flavorful than any of its predecessors--and handed it back to Caleb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stowed it away with a small smile. "Come on then, dragon girl, let's fly."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The far side of the mountain looked much the same as its opposite. Jester was getting tired of the emptiness. Snow could be pretty fun to play in sometimes--especially for someone who grew up where snow was a rarity--but it was just so barren. The trees that </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> there felt heavy. Like they looked like, if she talked to them, they'd be sad. Weighed down by all that snow. It was beautiful, but it almost felt lonely. Perhaps it was the lack of color variation, or the anxious edge they were living on for the moment, or the clouds that were already encroaching on what could be a decently sunny day, but the vast expanse of snow, trees, and mountains left her cold to the bone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And it hadn't been disturbed. No tracks. No trace of what happened beneath their feet. She didn't know what she expected, but she thought something might have looked like it had changed. She didn't see the city. Could it still fly? Should she be able to see it if it could? Or was it still down there, just waiting to explode the world around it? She eyed the ground with trepidation and continued to circle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She bumped playfully into Caleb, who let out a squawk and bumped her back causing him to drop suddenly as he lost his momentum. And that's when she spotted it. Movement low on the mountainside. A pop of pink as Caduceus ambled into view. Of black and green.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester squawked and took off for the ground. The flap of Caleb's frantic wings was audible behind her and they moved into a full-on dive. The cold air currents actually seemed to work with her and push her faster. She lit on the ground a few dozen yards from their friends and let the spell fade. She limped forward, waving her arms over her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jester!" Fjord's voice was filled with joy and relief. He ran for her, the snow parting easily as he moved. She moved as fast as the limp would let her, grateful that she could put weight on it in full again. Even if it was still tight and sore. Fjord reached for her as they got close and she let him scoop her up in his arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The kiss was unexpected. Hard and passionate. He was crying and holding her tight to him. Jester wasn't sure which of them were shaking. Maybe both. Her hands reached up to tangle in his hair. The scruff chafed at her face and it felt surprisingly good. Anchoring. Her name was a litany on Fjord's lips. He broke away, still holding her tight at the waist and pressing their foreheads together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I thought I'd lost you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm alright," she said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I heard your scream. The way Caleb called after you. I thought my heart was going to stop."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mine did. But she couldn't tell him that. Why couldn't she tell him that? She was alright. Mostly. Her leg was its normal color again and the limp would go away eventually. She could feel her strength returning, slowly, but steadily. She could reassure him that she'd be alright, but she remembered how badly he'd wanted to protect her. Keep her from danger. Jester could see in his eyes the tenuousness of the threads holding him together at the suggestion of something hurting her. He'd see it not as an accident, but a failure on his part. She wouldn't be the one to hurt him like that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, instead she smiled. "I'm alright. My leg still hurts a bit but, look, I can walk fine now and everything. Another day or two's worth of healing spells should get it back to normal." She needed to say nothing further. He scooped her up, bridal style, and cradled her to his chest. Jester hugged him back and pressed a quick kiss to the top of his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then she spotted Yasha and Beau. They had Molly's coat spread between them like a litter. Veth lay prone and motionless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No," she breathed. Tears filled her eyes, freezing in the chill wind as Yasha and Beau carried her from the well-blended cave opening. Small. So small. Caleb let out a guttural cry and ran toward them. He was frantic. Tilting her head this way and that as he attempted to glean what had happened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Let me down." She wiggled in Fjord's arms, but he held her firm. "Fjord, let me down."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In her struggle, she almost missed the slow rise and fall of Veth's breathing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"She's okay," he told her. "Stable. Just knocked out. Those two had to break through some rubble to get us out. The room was unstable. A piece of ice clocked her good and hard on the way out. She hasn't slept since the cave-in. Too worried. I know the feeling."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester looked back at him. "Have any of you slept?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"A little. Not for long. I think we all just wanted to get out of there."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We're not getting any farther today." Jester finally wiggled free of his grasp and limped her way over to where Veth lay sprawled. Beau and Yasha were busy trying to reassure an almost hysterical Caleb and Caduceus leaned, winded and weary against a rock outcropping. She clutched her holy symbol in one hand and touched Veth's face with the other. The magic flowed warm from her fingers and into her tiny friend. She stirred.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jessie," she said, weakly. "Are we alive?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester laughed. "Ja. We're all okay, Veth."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded. "Good. It's good to see you too, Caleb." He was clutching at her coat sleeve and finally just picked her up in a hug. Jester gave a teary chuckle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I promised your family I'd bring you home safe to them, Veth. Let's let me keep that one, ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You can't keep it if you get squashed in a cave-in. So you don't die, I won't die. Deal?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She held out her hand. Caleb took it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Deal."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Speaking of," she reached a small hand up into her hood and pulled out a wriggling red weasel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sprinkle!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Had to save him."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester smiled at them all, cuddling her pet close and pressing a kiss to his head. "Caleb? I think we should get inside. They're all looking a little bit rough. I don't think we'll get far today with them exhausted."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb nodded, passing Veth to her so he could cast the tower.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The moment they made it inside, he pointed upstairs. "Hot bath. Nap. Lunch. Before any planning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caduceus sighed a breath of relief and was already floating up to his room. The others followed. Veth was leaning on Beau for support, but was walking again. So that was something. Jester held Caleb back for a moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can you do me a favor?" She kept her voice low so it couldn't carry up to the others.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Anything."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't tell them I died?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Jester."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know, but I can't take any extra babying right now."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could just see their reactions. Teasing was one thing, but the </span>
  <em>
    <span>coddling</span>
  </em>
  <span> would be smothering. Her shoulders slumped. "I'll tell them sometime. Maybe when it isn't so fresh, you know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb took her hand. Squeezed. "Your secret is safe with me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gave him a tight smile and they headed up the tower. As they touched down on the floor she shared with Fjord and Beau, they heard a gutteral shriek from Fjord's room. They exchanged looks and burst into laughter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Jester! Caleb!" They opened Fjord's door to find him, shirtless and wild-eyed. "What the hell? Turtles? In my </span>
  <em>
    <span>room</span>
  </em>
  <span>? I recognize your handiwork." He pointed at Jester. "But did you have to make them move, Caleb?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He did </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?" Jester pushed past Fjord to look at their mural. It was alive. Still very much a painting, but Caleb had breathed life into it, like he had for the mural in Yasha's room. The water moved and flowed as the fish swam around. The turtles too. They played and looked like they were swimming toward you only to flip and swim away. The plants she'd made swayed with the water. It was even more beautiful than she remembered. She looked back toward the doorway to find Fjord eyeing her with annoyance. Caleb stood, still chuckling behind him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>amazing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Caleb!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Amazingly terrifying." Fjord agreed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The artwork is still mostly yours, but water <em>moves</em>, ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ja." She grinned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mostly? Did you help her?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Of course," Caleb replied. A sly half-grin formed on his face. "I'm going to help you too." He brushed his hand over a knot of wood near the door. A flurry of activity made Jester turn her head to watch as the turtles swam toward the edges of the mural and out of sight. "There. You're safe. Well leave you to your bath, Fjord, now that the turtles have been vanquished."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They left, chortling with mirth. The door shut behind them. And Caleb leaned down to murmur in her ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"For about six hours."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester grabbed his arm. "Are you serious?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Think he'll scream the second time?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She placed a hand over her mouth. "You are an evil fucking genius." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded at her door. "Think you can manage on your own today?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester nodded. "Look at me. I'm walking just fine. I think a few more spells and another night's rest will do the trick."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I hope so." He took a step back to leave. "I'll have the cats come get everyone for dinner."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No bath? You aren't backsliding are you, Caleb?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He chuckled, shaking his head. "Later. I wanted to do some more reading."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Have fun with your books."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Always," he said, and descended.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester pulled out her sketchbook as soon as she got into her room. She shucked off her coat and Sprinkle darted off as soon as she put him down, burrowing into one of her pockets. She dragged a chair over by the bath. A small table from the art studio. The bowl of blueberries. Carefully, she arranged it all so she could sit, legs over the side of the bath to soak her sore muscles. The table covered her lap and she set her sketchbook next to the berries. She popped one in her mouth and flipped to an empty page.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She closed her eyes. Trying to decide how to tell the Traveler about the last couple of days was no easy task. Did he know she'd died? She hadn't seen him in a bit. She tapped her pencil and tried to find the moment to tell him about. She sketched a few little moments. Caleb's face, hovering over her as she returned to life. Him holding her as she cried. An earth elemental with gemstone galaxies in its body. A turtle, swimming around Fjord's room. Fjord's face when they walked in. They were all small. Rough. Smaller doodles of the cats and waffles covered the page. When she held it at arm's length away from her face to examine it, she saw it. The negative space between all of her smaller pieces had coalesced. These little doodles had become the shadows against the white of her paper. Looking back at her, was Molly. Not the man they'd left dead in a collapsing chamber. The one she remembered. Smiling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't tell me you were in love with that one." Artagan appeared beside her, a look of playful disdain on his face. "It's too trite, Jester. Him dying to save you. You pining forever. That much saccharine absurdity might well kill me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What?" Jester sputtered. "Of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course</span>
  </em>
  <span> not!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Atragan took the drawing and tilted it to the side. "I suppose he was a little handsome, in a weird sort of way. If you're into that sort of thing." He took her face in his hand. "But we both know you can do better than that."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She took the book back and playfully swatted him with it. "I just miss him is all." She cradled the picture in her hands. "Do you think he would forgive us for killing him again?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Forgive </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?" His voice was lilting. Knowing. "That was a remarkable blow. You're getting stronger. I couldn't be more proud." Jester hung her head and he wrapped his arm and cloak around her in a hug. "That friend of yours seemed disdainful of the man he used to be. I'd say you did the world a favor by ridding it of the madman."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He was kind of awful, wasn't he? It felt all wrong for him to be saying all those things with Molly's face. Like some sort of creepy puppet thing."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Puppets." Artagan shuddered. "Yet another thing to hate about theatre."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You had fun on Rumblecusp and you know it. Theatre and all."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We'll agree to disagree."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughed. Hearty. Real. "Talking to you always makes me feel better."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm glad. You had me worried, Jester." He sat down on her bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I died."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know. Good thing your wizard is a quick thinker."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You saw that?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Would I have abandoned you?" She gave him a soft smile. "Someone had to help him. It would have been embarrassing for him to just sit there. And while I'm not usually opposed to that sort of thing, I figured for your sake I should probably </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span> to nudge him along."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester furrowed her brow at him. "But I didn't see you there when I woke up."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> prayer I answered. Once the spell had taken hold of your soul, I wasn't needed."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Prayer? Caleb </span>
  <em>
    <span>prayed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did you know he speaks Sylvan? It was like a fog horn in my ear. I couldn't have ignored him if I tried."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded, pulling her legs frim the water and spinning in her chair to face him. "Does that mean he believes in you? Do you think you have a new </span>
  <em>
    <span>follower</span>
  </em>
  <span>?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I certainly hope not. Did we all learn nothing on Rumblecusp?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, he didn't say anything about it." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And it was that part that confused her. Why hadn't he said anything? Was he embarrassed? Jester knew he wasn't a </span>
  <em>
    <span>religious</span>
  </em>
  <span> person. She couldn't recall a single time he had mentioned believing in anything. Except perhaps…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I stopped believing in much of anything a long time ago, but I believe in you. Now and always."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When had he said that? His voice had been a bit broken, but Jester could hear it so clearly in her mind. And yet, she couldn't place it. No recollection of a glance or facial expression crossed her mind. And she was certain that with those words and that tone? She'd remember something.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan, however, wasn't concerned about Caleb's silence on the subject. Not in the least. He actually seemed relieved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good," he said. "I'll take it as a promising sign. A one time deal. The power came from him. I barely did </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He can leave all the praying to you, and leave me </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester giggled. "Okay."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan shrugged.  "Although, that was an inspired prank the two of you pulled. The man has a little promise."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"See, I knew you liked him."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He is probably the least objectionable of these friends of yours. The rest are either entirely too nice. Or they're that girl with the staff."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Beau is actually pretty cool. I think she would definitely grow on you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I think she wants to punch me. Right about here." He pointed to his jaw.</span>
</p>
<p><span>"</span><em><span>You</span></em> <em><span>know?</span></em><span>" Jester said. "That's how she shows </span><em><span>affection</span></em><span>?"</span></p>
<p>
  <span>He laughed. "I'm glad you're alright, Jester. Exandria would be far worse off without you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm glad too. I didn't like it there."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Death does sound rather boring. Anything interesting there at all?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She got up and sat down next to him on her bed. "There was this woman who seemed to know me. She was familiar, but I can't figure out why."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The Raven Queen?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester shook her head. "She was human. Tall. I can't hold onto her face when I wake up." She flipped to a page with a messy, unfinished sketch. The face had refused to take form. "I tried again this morning. I even tried to disguise myself as her before I went to sleep last night, but the details had faded by the time I cast the spell."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That is strange, but passing between planes can be."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you know who she was?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I haven't the faintest idea."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She side-eyed him with a smirk. "Is it because I didn't ask you with a spell?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm not omniscient, Jester. Even with these powers you've helped me attain. I can get glimpses through your faith and, yes, through spells, but glimpses are all I get. We all have our limitations, aggravating as it might be."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester thought for a moment. She fingered her holy symbol and muttered a few words. The air between them seemed to shimmer as the magic took effect.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan laughed. "We can try it that way. What do you want to know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She bit her lip. "Damn. That one's not a yes or no. Uh… Aeor. Is it still on the ground?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan took her hands and let his eyes drift. He stared into the space over her shoulder and then blinked. "I think the ground would have shaken harder if that thing had managed to get free, don't you? It hasn't gone anywhere."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded. "Is there a way to destroy it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He zoned out again. "I can't say."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You don't know."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's unclear. But if I were the gods, and I created a weapon that could destroy an entire magical city, I wouldn't want the wrong people looking for it"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So, if it exists, we won't find it by magic." Her eyes drifted down to her drawing. She traced a finger over his smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can I bring him back?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Artagan hesitated with his answer. She looked up to see a sorrowful look on his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I can't. Can I?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shook his head. "I'm not saying no. But do you remember when we broke that vase that awful man gave your mother?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We did her a favor. It. Was. Hideous."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Much like the man who gave it to her, as I recall. But suppose you used magic to mend it. Good as new. As if it had never been broken in the first place."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester nodded. "Okay…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you broke the vase again, it would shatter differently the second time. There's too much chaos in the universe for even a single shard to be exactly the same as the first time."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Molly's piece of Lucien's soul wouldn't break off the same."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The chance would be infinitesimally small."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We've placed our hope in less."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's certainly true." He took her hand. "I'll never tell you to give up that hope. Trying could be interesting. But you are my closest friend. And it could be painful for you. I would not want that."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is there any way you can think of? I know the spell is over, and it doesn't work that way but you've seen a lot of things, right?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded. "I've travelled a lot. But…" He sighed. "For <em>this</em>? Probably nothing short of a wish spell. A very well thought out and carefully-worded wish spell."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can you teach me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not in my wheelhouse, sorry."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Then the arcane. Caleb might be able to do it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Perhaps someday. He's definitely got a lot to learn."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well he's pretty good at learning. He's super smart."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"One can only hope." A little rumbling mewl came from the smaller door into her room. A tiny, white and grey cat with dark stripes on its legs ambled over to her. She bent to scoop it up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is it dinner time already?" It squeaked out a mewl again and licked her nose. Jester nuzzled its face with her own and looked back at her bed to say goodbye, but Artagan was gone.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>"Putting babies to work, Caleb?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester plodded into the dining room, cat clutched protectively in her arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Noodles is so little. Why is she being sent to fetch me?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That isn't her name."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester grinned. "It is now. Look at her legs. They look like forks full of noodles." She dangled the cat by its middle in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tilted his head to the side, a confused look on his face. His brow furrowed in that way that said he was thinking really hard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shook his head. "You like the new nickname, Binx?" The cat meowed. "Then Noodles it is." He scratched her ears. "And she isn't a kitten. She's just small. These ones don't get very big. A good little messenger, ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The best. Too bad she can't come out of the tower. She's so cute!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, if she could, I think Frumpkin would be jealous of all this attention."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester set the cat down and she wound through their legs for a moment before dashing off toward the kitchens.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can I have him back?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb snapped his fingers. Frumpkin appeared in Jester's arms. She pecked a little kiss onto his head and sat down next to Caleb. "Any ideas?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The others will be down soon. Let's wait for them."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Wait for who?" Beau walked into the room, hair dripping wet and a towel draped around her neck. She turned the chair across from Jester around and straddled it. "Did you know that the bath water never gets cold? Like at all. Put a pillow against the edge for my neck and boom out like a light and also clean."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You slept in the bath?" Jester wrinkled her nose. "That's some strong Beau Soup."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau pointed at her. "Multitasking, bitch." She looked at Caleb. "Seriously. You are my best friend, have I told you that lately? Cause I should have."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are you saying that because you're glad to see me alive, or because of the six glasses of wine I saw Fluffy bring up to you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It was four. And probably a bit of both."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The cats started to bring out steaming pots of stew. "Well, this also has red wine in it, so you'll be happy, ja?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fuck yeah."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The stew was thick and rich. Jester picked around the carrots and potatoes for the chunks of beef. They were soft as butter, and a little sweet from the wine. She moaned in delight and reached again for the spoon for more. A cough. The other two stared at her. Beau had paused with her spoon halfway to her lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Gonna leave some meat for everyone else, Jes?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb's look was more amused. "I promise, vegetables aren't all that bad, Jester."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked at the two of them and reluctantly took a piece of carrot. It was dark. Almost looked burnt. They had to be crazy. She thought about leaving it for last, but thought better of it. Especially with their laughing eyes on her. She speared it with a fork and cautiously took a bite. Tender. Sweet. The burnt bits weren't bitter like she expected, but a rush of flavor and her eyes went wide.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She swallowed and looked at the two of them, faces expectant. "Does it always taste like that?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good, ja? Going to actually eat the whole soup?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester took more full spoonfuls. There weren't only potatoes and carrots. Mushrooms, onions, peppers, even some bits of what looked like giant oatmeal. She tried them all, tentatively. Unlike the rest, the green peppers hadn't improved with time and were carefully picked out of her bowl. Still, she was already starting to feel full by the time the others came into the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord took the seat next to her, fresh faced and looking much better rested. The darker circles under his eyes had faded considerably. He reached over as he sat, squeezing her arm in greeting. Their disagreement in the tunnel was still on her mind, but Artagan's assurances that there wasn't much they could have done for Molly anyway had taken the sting out of Fjord's words. It still hurt, but it wasn't his fault. So she smiled and popped another carrot into her mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No Veth?" Caleb asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yasha spoke up as she sat down beside Beau. "I checked in on her before I came down. She's still asleep. After the day she's had, I thought I'd better let her."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb nodded and instructed the cats to bring up some food for her. "Big bowl. Extra sherry."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did you get a good nap after your new friends left, Fjord?" Jester asked, mouth full of soup.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blushed and gave her a glare. "That wasn't funny, you two."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She swallowed. "You're right. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>hilarious</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Even the Traveler thought it was a good one. So that's pretty high praise." She held up a hand to Caleb for a high five and he slapped it with a grin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What did you do?" Caduceus was tucking into his dinner, carefully kept meatless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I just thought Fjord would like a mural on his wall too. He seemed super scared for some reason, though."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It was a lovely mural, apart from the turtles, Jester."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But that was my part," she protested. "So it's really Caleb you should be thanking. He did a super good job with the water and some of the fish."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, then yes, Caleb did wonderful. He didn't try to terrify me to death."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is that what the screaming was about?" Yasha asked. She leaned toward Beau, borrowing a corner of her towel to wipe away a trickle of water from her forehead. Beau flushed at the close contact and Jester gave her a subtle thumbs up. Beau made a face and shoved another spoonful into her mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I didn't scream, I yelled."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> screamed. Like, super loudly, Fjord." Jester had to press a hand to her lips to keep the laughter at bay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Like a little girl." Beau chimed in around a mouthful of stew. There was a general murmur of agreement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fjord gave them all a deadpan stare. "Can we talk about... </span>
  <em>
    <span>Literally</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything else?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We need to get out of here," Caleb said. "And I don't know if teleport is an option, especially not this close to that thing."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You, Jester, and I can fly. Carry the others as far as we can." Caduceus sipped at his tea.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But where to?" Beau set down her spoon. "I mean, can we just up and leave that thing? We're gonna have to bring it down, right?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's still in the ground. It hasn't gone anywhere."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau looked at her. "You're sure, Jes?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Positive. I asked the Traveler. And he also said that if there's a way to destroy it, he can't see it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So it doesn't exist?" Yasha's voice was quiet. Beau reached out and gripped onto her shoulder, causing a blush to rise on the large woman's cheeks. Jester caught her eye and gave her a wink.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It wasn't a no. He couldn't see. Like it could exist, but can't be located by magic."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We need to find it without magic then." Caleb looked over at Beau. "How much would the Cobalt Soul know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not sure," she responded. "I know that the Age of Arcanum is a bit spotty when it comes to records, but they had information on Aeor. So maybe something."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So we should stop in Zadash and get your people on it as soon as possible. If we can get to a safe spot, I can get us there."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Only a stop?" Fjord asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I want to go see Yussa as well. If there's knowledge from that time, it would definitely be in Halas's library."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He wanted to escape something, right?" Jester looked at Caleb. "Didn't he say that's why he set the happy fun ball to fast forward like that? He might have known something."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So we go straight to Nicodranas," Fjord said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb shook his head. "The Cobalt Soul is a resource we can't neglect. We may need their insight. I know we could send them a message, but twenty-five words isn't going to get the urgency across, I think."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You've got that right." Beau rubbed at her face. "I should probably report in on what's happened up here anyway. They'll want the information and we may need the numbers they could provide. If it comes down to a fight."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, it probably will," Caduceus said. "I mean, we can hope not, but I don't think the Somnovum is going to just lay back and let everything they've worked toward be destroyed. They didn't before."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How far do we need to go to be able to teleport, though?" Jester asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Far," Caleb answered. "Can you contact Essek? He's at the Vurmas outpost, ja? To the east? It's still probably too close, but they're ships. We can teleport out once we're far enough out to sea."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester closed her eyes. "Hey Essek! You're still at the outpost right? We're coming to see you. Things are pretty bad and we're going to need your help. Okay?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His response was swift. "Jester! You've been too quiet. I was getting worried. Does this have anything to do with the earthquakes?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She cast to him again. "Ja. It's a super long story, but Aeor is back and it's sort of alive and the Somnovum people are probably going to destroy everything-" Fjord waved his hand to signal the end of the message. "Shit. It really is hard to tell it in twenty-five words."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That," he responded. "Does sound… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Really</span>
  </em>
  <span> not good. I'll keep an eye out for your arrival. We're east of the Aeor Crater. Be safe. All of you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He is really good at that. He'll be waiting for us. East of the Aeor Crater."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Can we trust him?" Fjord looked nervous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He really sounded worried about us. He said to be safe."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Safe is the last thing we'll be if we don't get out of here," Caleb said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau took a long swig of wine. "And probably even if we do."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We'll fly out in the morning, then. That should be okay. Give us time to get our strength back." Caduceus gave them all a wan smile, still serene, but definitely exhausted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Caleb stood. "I better get started on some research before bed. See if I've got anything in here that can help us."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau leaned toward him. "Need a hand?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll be alright. Be sure you're not too hungover tomorrow, Beauregard."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beau waved a hand at him. "What am I, an amateur?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He laughed and headed for the library.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jester took one more bite of stew and pushed her bowl away. "I'm stuffed."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Didn't save room for dessert, Jester?" Ford gave her a sly grin. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>," she said, yawning and scooting her chair back. "I think I'll head up to my room, though. It's been a long day."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're telling me." Beau said, taking one more sip of wine before standing too. "Bed sounds fucking dope right about now. Well, workout first. Then bed." She looked over at Fjord. "No train, no gain, Captain."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yasha agreed, getting to her feet. She and Beau exchanged a quick glance and looked away. A flush came to Yasha's cheeks. Barely. But enough for Jester to notice. Jester gave her another wink and, ignoring the way the blush deepened, limped off toward her room.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Note the summary change. I relooked over some things and, through episode 120, nothing changes, plot-wise, for this fic. So we'll say canon compliant through there mmkay?</p><p>Also we've hit 1.5k hits on this fic which makes me wanna cry. So thanks for going on this ride with me. You guys are awesome!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She picked up her sketchbook as she crawled into bed, almost out of habit. Reached for her pencil. But after a few moments of tapping its point against the paper, she put it down again. It wasn't a black and white kind of night. Color was definitely needed. She considered the inks in her bag for a moment, but brushed the idea aside. Paint. Definitely paint.</p><p>Her art studio was still full of various pictures she'd drawn as she'd experimented with the vast amount of mediums Caleb had given her. A watercolor ocean scene. A chalk picture of Veth and Beau, drunk and laughing at a bar. Dozens of portraits of the many different cats about the tower. Her favorite featured Mittens atop a ladder, balancing on his back paws. There was a feather duster attached to his tail with a pretty yellow bow. A tiny outline of what was clearly a very concerned Caleb in one corner, peering up the ladder.</p><p>She set up a canvas and her fingers drifted through her brushes. The paints were restocked and it took her a moment to decide which pot to start with. She settled on green just as a loud shriek came from the other room. She dropped her brush and doubled over with laughter. </p><p>A moment later, there was a rapid knocking at her door. She opened it, doing her best to keep her face composed.</p><p>"Jester." He was breathing heavily.</p><p>She slumped against the door frame dramatically.  "Fjord. What <em> ever </em> could you need at this time of night?"</p><p>He stared at her. Deadpan. "Did it have to be in my room?"</p><p>"You love the ocean so much. I thought you'd love a mural of it, you know?" She batted her eyelashes, the picture of innocence.</p><p>He took a step toward her. "You are going to terrify me to death."</p><p>Jester let him take her hands. "I seriously doubt you'll die, Fjord. But I might. From laughing so hard." He pulled her in for a hug. Gentle. She patted his back. "Don't worry. I'll tell Caleb to make it go away next time."</p><p>"You sure you're done being mad at me?"</p><p>"I didn't do it because I was mad." She looked at him in confusion.</p><p>"You were in the tunnels." He looked away.</p><p>Jester paused. Had she been mad? She'd been upset. Sad. Confused. That look in his eyes when she pulled away from him. Had that been what he was thinking? That she was <em> angry </em> with him? Jester wrapped her arms tightly around his waist and buried her face in his chest. His heart thumped against her forehead. Warm arms covered her shoulders. She waited for him to calm a bit before looking up at him again.</p><p>"I'm not mad," she said. "I never was."</p><p>"I was so afraid that argument would be the last conversation we ever had. When that tunnel collapsed…"</p><p>She pulled back a bit. "Look at me. I'm okay."</p><p>"I saw that limp, Jester."</p><p>"Hey. I'm standing aren't I? I could barely do that yesterday morning. I'm fine. Or I will be."</p><p>"I swore to your mother I'd take care of you. And when your father sees what's happened… All this was more than a scratch and he doesn't seem the type for empty threats."</p><p>Jester smiled. "He doesn't, does he? But I'm fine! Why doesn't anybody listen to me?"</p><p>"I'm listening. I see you're alright. It's just too many close calls for my liking, Jester. I want you to be safe as much as they do. I thought my heart would stop down there."</p><p>She could feel each beat beneath her palm and tapped out its rhythm. "Still beating."</p><p>"Barely." He pulled her in and placed a soft kiss to her head. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said down there."</p><p>"Which part?" she mumbled into his shirt.</p><p>"When you said he'd died for us both. Molly."</p><p>Jester sniffed and pulled away. Her arms came to wrap around her middle again. Like, if she didn't hold herself together, she'd fly apart. </p><p>"You're right. He did. And I want you to know that I haven't forgotten that." Her leg started shaking a little, more from nerves than pain. Noticing, Fjord gestured to the chairs. "Sit."</p><p>Jester shook her head and jerked her head for him to follow her. Her bedroom was dark. As she left it. She didn't move to relight anything, knowing he could see as well as she could. Instead, she just moved to her bed, hopping up to sit on the end. She patted the spot next to her and he joined her.</p><p>"It's not that I'm trying to forget or that I wouldn't do the same for him."</p><p>"Then what is it?"</p><p>He shifted. "I <em> needed </em> to accept that he's gone. Seeing that man… <em> Puppeting </em> his body. I knew I couldn't let myself see him as Molly."</p><p>"But he was in there. You couldn't feel it?"</p><p>"The similarities were there, but I could feel the animosity every time we talked to him. I knew this was going to come down to a fight, Jester. And if I let myself look at him and see Molly, I wouldn't have been able to do it."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>Fjord nodded. "He was our friend. Not for long, but he was one of us. And he's still part of the Mighty Nein, even if he's gone. If I let myself believe he was in there, I'd have never made it out alive. Lucien <em> had </em> to be stopped. Everything we've seen in these ruins… Jester, Caduceus is right. It's not just unnatural, it feels <em> wrong </em>. I know what the Wildmother would have me do, and I couldn't let my heart get in the way of that."</p><p>"We failed anyway." Jester's arms tightened around her middle.</p><p>"We did everything we could. And we're not finished. Like the others said, we'll stop it. Whatever it takes."</p><p>She nodded. "You weren't entirely wrong. I talked to the Traveler about bringing him back. I will never have the power to do it. His soul isn't free."</p><p>"Where is it?"</p><p>"Part of Lucien again. Even if we shattered him like Vess Derogna did, his piece might not break off the same."</p><p>Fjord rested a hand on her shaking shoulder. "I thought it might be something like that."</p><p>"I just really hoped." A few tears slid down her cheeks, hot and angry. Not at anyone in particular, just the way the world worked. </p><p>"I know. I'm sorry."</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>He held her then. The way she wouldn't let him in the tunnels. She thought of telling him what Caleb had said. About how Molly had died, but thought better of it. He'd said to let Fjord move on from it if he could. To not be weighed down by the knowledge.</p><p>She'd never thought about how heavy it could be. Knowing. Her mother had always talked about how important learning was. But she'd never seen it as a weight. Only more fuel for her mind to take flight. To wander. To imagine. But her drawing earlier was proof of how knowing can pull you toward something. Not necessarily like an anchor, but a tether. Not pulling you back, but being pulled along as you go. She'd never seen knowledge as a responsibility before. Like Caleb had said. Carrying it. So someone else didn't have to. One person can't carry everything, so the ones who care for them spread out the burden.</p><p>She knew she was ready to carry some of these things now. The burdens that others helped carry for her. And she was strong enough to bear this one for Fjord. They all were. Because while it was heavy, she didn't have to carry it alone. And knowing that he didn't have to be weighed down by it gave her some relief.</p><p>She turned her head and he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. It was nothing like the last time. Much closer to the first. Warm and comfortable. He broke away and leaned his forehead against hers.</p><p>"How long until the turtles come back?"</p><p>"Six hours?"</p><p>"So I'll fall asleep only to have the shit scared out of me as soon as I open my eyes? Seriously. We leave the two of you alone for one day. One."</p><p>Jester smiled. "You have to admit, it was pretty funny."</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah. You've had your fun at my expense." He paused, rubbing a hand through his hair. "That is the only thing, right?"</p><p>She chuckled. "Promise. Caleb talked me out of the others.'</p><p>"Thank god. Well. Since I can't go back to my room tonight… Would you mind me staying with you?"</p><p>"Like here in my room?"</p><p>"If you don't mind."</p><p>Jester could feel her heart rate speed up. She bit her lip. The bed was big enough. They've slept close in the dome before. Suddenly Caleb's argument about the bath made more sense. It <em> was </em> different. Being alone together. The privacy. What that might factor into.</p><p>She nodded though, grateful for the lack of color in their vision so he couldn't see her blush. She thought for a moment she saw a cat's tail disappearing out through the little door she always kept open. Probably Mittens, curious if she needed a cuddle buddy tonight. Fjord kissed her again. Deeper this time. They laid back on the bed. She heard his boots hit the floor and waited for his hands to move over her body. But they didn't. He pressed one final kiss to her forehead, pulled her closer and closed his eyes. Asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.</p><p>Jester, however, couldn't sleep. She was super tired, but her eyes just kept flitting around her bedroom. From the photo of her mother, to the steaming bathtub, drawing table still shoved up next to it, to the framed copies of some of her drawings from the Chateau. Finally, her eyes landed on the picture of Nicodranas above her bed. She could hear the sounds of the ocean and could almost pretend she was back home. </p><p>But Fjord wouldn't have fit in her childhood bed with her. She and Caleb had barely managed and it was a tight fit. If either of them had moved, it might've nudged the other right off. Nugget appearing when he had, had done just that. Jester had leapt off the bed. And she didn't know why she felt like doing the same thing now.</p><p>Fjord was warm against her. His arm, wrapped securely as he'd fallen asleep, had loosened in the last... Hour? Twenty minutes? Jester wasn't sure how long she'd stared around at the dark room. Caleb would know. What with that constant clock in his head and all. But he wasn't there to ask. All she had was the beat of her heart. And she'd lost count. Because she couldn't get comfortable. And she didn't know why. Perhaps it was simply too warm.</p><p>She squirmed and rolled a bit away from Fjord's body heat. Flipped her pillow over to the cooler side. But she just found herself staring at a picture of herself and the Traveler. It was simple. Chalk. She was surprised when she found it among the pictures Caleb had copied. There were so many pictures she'd drawn of the two of them, but he'd singled out this one. He couldn't have known it was the first. Or had he? It was barely more than stick figures. Her first friend. Best friend. Her <em> only </em> friend for so long. She thought about talking to him. That always calmed her mind. But she didn't want to wake Fjord.</p><p>She looked over her shoulder at him. He slept soundly. Deeply. His face was buried in her pillow and each breath he took had a soft snore to it. She shifted again and he didn't budge. Perhaps the sea had given him the ability to sleep anywhere, but he was <em> out </em>. Like he hadn't really rested in days. He probably hadn't. He'd been so worried about her. Was it a bad thing that she hadn't been the same about him? She did have other things on her mind, at the time. Dying gives a person a lot to think about. She shuffled her feet under the blankets. Finally, she flipped them off and stood up. Fjord slept on.</p><p>The leg cramp came on suddenly. It wasn't as bad as it had been the day before, but she had to bite down on her lip to keep from screaming out the expletive on the tip of her tongue. She went out into the front room, hoping that she could limp her way to the other side of the pain. It was a fruitless hope, like so much these days, but she didn't know how else to make it stop. She couldn't just take a bath every time it did this. They'd be travelling in the morning.</p><p>She peeked into the hallway. There was some light thudding coming from Beau's room. Jester hesitated a moment before knocking.</p><p>"Beau. Are you busy?"</p><p>She answered the door, dripping with sweat. "Jes. Thought you went to bed."</p><p>"I did but my leg is super crampy. Do you know how to make it stop? I mean, I'm not <em> interrupting </em> anything am I?" Jester tried to peek over her shoulder.</p><p>Beau huffed out a laugh and pulled the door open for her to enter. "You're not <em> interrupting </em>. I did notice the limp. What happened, anyway?"</p><p>Jester followed her into the training room. Beau told her to sit down on the floor. She complied. "My leg got crushed and like pinned? I kind of passed out?" She hoped Beau didn't detect the fib. "Caleb said it took a bit for him to get me out. It was like super purple yesterday. Basically black. The healing spells are helping but it keeps cramping up and I can't take a bath <em> every </em> time this happens, you know?"</p><p>Beau took her leg and extended it. "It's probably from exertion and all the temperature changes."</p><p>"Ja. It's super tight."</p><p>"Ok, flex your foot like this." She flattened Jester's foot into a ninety degree angle as she raised her leg a bit. "Lean toward me and try to touch your toes. Just until you feel a pull in your calf."</p><p>Jester started to lean. "How will I know when--" she gasped as the cramp tightened. She tried to pull back but Beau took her wrist.</p><p>"Push through. Push through. Hold." Jester could see her lips moving as she counted. A few seconds later, Beau released her wrist. "Release." She allowed Jester's leg to relax.</p><p>"Ow."</p><p>"Yeah. Rehab's a bitch. Again." They went through a few more of those stretches. Jester pointed her toe after and heard the ankle pop. Not painfully, just loud.</p><p>"You definitely did a number on it. Hot baths are nothing to knock, though. Try doing stretches after, too."</p><p>"Like right after? Does being naked and slippery help?"</p><p>Beau cut her eyes at her. "I doubt Fjord would argue. I saw him go into your room, Jes. You two have fun?"</p><p>Jester wiggled her eyebrows. "So. Much. Fun." She chuckled. "No. We just talked."</p><p>"<em> Just </em> talked? I didn't hear him go back to his room." Beau leaned in. "We all saw that kiss. You've been holding out on us."</p><p>She squirmed in Beau's hold. "I dunno."</p><p>"How long has this been going on?"</p><p>"A couple weeks?"</p><p>"Seriously?" Beau dropped her leg. "And neither of you said anything? Come on."</p><p>"There was nothing much to tell. A kiss or two isn't earth shattering news, you know? Besides, there's been a lot happening and it never seemed like the time."</p><p>"Tell me about it." Beau leaned back on her hands, legs akimbo.</p><p>"Does that mean you and Yasha haven't… Talked?"</p><p>"We've <em> talked </em>. A little."</p><p>Jester let out a squeak and leaned forward. "Tell. Me. Everything."</p><p>"There's not much to tell." Beau raised an eyebrow at her. Jester waved a hand in a "go on" type gesture. Beau let out a grudging smile.</p><p>"Ha! What's that about?"</p><p>"We might have cuddled a bit." Beau looked her dead in the eye. "You know, for warmth. It was <em> fucking </em> cold down there."</p><p>"That's so romantic."</p><p>"Nothing about our teeth chattering all night was romantic, Jester. Besides, Veth wouldn't stop coming over for a 'ladies cuddle pile.' It wasn't as romantic with her on my back. Is she <em> unable </em> to read the room?"</p><p>"She's the only one of us who's married, though."</p><p>"Like Yeza was hard to catch."</p><p>Jester smacked her shoulder. "They're cute."</p><p>"I'm just saying. Not sure that one knows much about <em> romance </em>."</p><p>"But it did <em>feel</em> romantic?"</p><p>"For the few minutes before Veth joined in?" She shrugged. "Kind of."</p><p>"Kind of? Beau. I saw that smile."</p><p>"I wanna do something more for her. She deserves to be swept off her feet."</p><p>"I think she has been. Didn't she give you that poem? What more of a sign do you want?"</p><p>"How do you know about the poem?"</p><p>Jester bit her lip. "I might have helped. Just a teeny bit, though." She held up her thumb and index finger, pinched a hair's wisth apart.</p><p>"Well, for your information, she crossed out whatever was at the top of the page and wrote me a letter instead."</p><p>Jester frowned. "Aw, man. It was a cute poem though."</p><p>"The letter was better."</p><p>"How do you know? You didn't read it."</p><p>"Because everything she wrote felt just, like, raw and honest. I think I prefer it. A poem sounds so… Crafted? I guess? I don't think it would have felt so real. Special. I want <em> her </em> to feel that special."</p><p>"Did you have something in mind?"</p><p>"I dunno. I've been looking around for rare flowers. It's a long shot. But she collects them for her wife. I want her to know that I don't expect her to just forget or something. Everyone has a past and I just want her to know I accept her for all of it. Zualla is a part of her. What happened  with Obann is a part of her. I know she almost killed me and I know she would have hated herself if she'd succeeded."</p><p>Beau was <em>crying</em>. Which surprised Jester. She'd been teasing, but somehow this had turned serious. Beau wasn't finished though. "And I want her to know that we can leave that part behind us and move forward. But also that we pick which parts of the past to bring into the future with us. I don't expect her to just forget her wife. If she's going to bring her those flowers, I want to go with. I want to be by her side for all of it. Even the hard things. Maybe it doesn't need to be a grand gesture, but she deserves one."</p><p>"She really does." Jester squeezed Beau's hand. Beau looked up at her. "I'll keep an eye out for flowers for you."</p><p>"Thanks, Jes." Her nose was red and she sniffed.</p><p>"I haven't <em> just </em> been teasing you guys for my own amusement. I really want you two to be happy, you know?"</p><p>"You too." Beau pulled her in for a one-armed hug. Jester gave an exaggerated grin. Audible. Beau laughed and wiped at her eyes. "Man. Since we all got our own rooms, it's been awhile since we did this girl talk thing, huh?"</p><p>"Ja. I've missed it."</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>Jester stood, the muscle loosened again. "Thanks for helping me with my leg."</p><p>"Is it feeling better?"Jester nodded. "Good. Thanks for listening to me... Cry about my love life, I guess." She wiped at her eyes again.</p><p>"Anytime." She turned to leave, but then paused. "When you have your big moment, you should tell her all that, you know? <em> I'd </em> feel pretty special if someone said that kind of thing to <em> me </em>."</p><p>Beau cocked her head to the side, nodding. "I'll think about it. You know. If it fits in the moment. I'm sure I'll tell her all that eventually, but I don't wanna sit there rambling because I'm not sure I'll be able to stop. I don't know if you've noticed, but she's really hot and it makes me nervous." She tapped her fists on the floor.</p><p>"I've noticed," Jester said with a giggle. "Should I stop teasing you guys?"</p><p>"No." Beau stood up, dusting off her pants. "Like, I don't want her to think anything's weird. Just act natural. Play it cool."</p><p>Jester smiled. "I'm totally cool."</p><p>"The coolest. Night, Jester."</p><p>"Night!"</p><p>Jester closed the door behind her. She considered going back to her room, but walked instead to the hole that led down toward the kitchen. A glass of warm milk and maybe some freshly baked cookies to go with it… Were the cats still there? Did they actually <em> sleep </em>?</p><p>The kitchen was empty when she got there, so perhaps they <em> did </em>. They worked hard, she figured. They deserve a break sometimes. She found a saucepan and some milk and began to heat it on the stove. A jar of vanilla beans sat on the counter and Jester pulled one bean out, scraping its insides into the pan. She rifled through the pantry and grated a bit of nutmeg. Some cinnamon. A tiny piece of ginger root. Some chocolate chunks. A bit of sugar. A bit more.</p><p>The mixture came to a boil and after a moment, Jester carefully poured it into a mug. She fished out the piece of ginger and popped it into her mouth. Hot. Spicy. But comforting. Like those ginger candies she'd grown up eating. She chewed on it for a minute as she stirred her beverage and then spat the remains into a garbage can and took a sip from her mug. Perfect.</p><p>She carefully picked it up, swiping a pastry from a basket and walked back toward the opening. A noise came from below. She opened the hatch to look into the salon. It was lit up. The library was a bit of a mess; books were in disarray, dangling from shelves and stacked precariously on a chair. Jester floated down to find Caleb sitting at a desk, tossing aside one of his books in frustration.</p><p>"Gottverdammt. It's got to be in here somewhere."</p><p>"What does?"</p><p>He jumped. "Jester. I thought you'd gone to bed."</p><p>"I couldn't sleep. Thought I'd get some warm milk."</p><p>He sniffed the air and raised an eyebrow at her. "And the chocolate just fell in?"</p><p>"I got a <em>little bit</em> carried away," she admitted with a shrug. "But hey, it's pretty tasty. Want some?"</p><p>"I… sure." He grabbed another book, flipping through the pages.</p><p>His eyes were a little wild around the edges. Red rimmed. Bloodshot. Almost like he'd been crying. He pressed his hands to them and rubbed at them with the heels of his palms. That explained it. When he pulled them away, his face was even more wild and frustrated. Tossing the book aside, he grabbed another one.</p><p>Jester moved to touch his shoulder. "Caleb? Are you okay? You've got crazy eyes right now."</p><p>He finally actually met her gaze. Not for long though. His eyes were darting around the room. Probably a lot like hers had been doing earlier. The redness made the blue of his irises stand out and Jester could see the gears turning in them.</p><p>"I'm onto something. I know it. But I just can't find… Ughhh!" He tossed another book. "I feel like I'm right on the edge of it." He flattened his palm on another book, smoothing its open pages.</p><p>Jester peered down at it. Scrawls and diagrams filled the pages. A branching tree of symbols. Or roots, maybe. She tilted her head to get a better look. There were few words in common. Words like elemental resistance, increased velocity, constitutional strengthening, and... Enhanced vision capabilities?</p><p>"Is this the stone thingy?"</p><p>"Ja." He gestured to the middle row of symbols. "There are four main basic capabilities and I knew about those ones. But it's <em> these </em> I can't decipher." He jabbed his finger at the bottom of the page.</p><p>The four symbols at the bottom were more intricate. They formed almost a pyramid; one on top, three branching down below.</p><p>"Nothing?"</p><p>"Well, the top one is obvious. It has the same base as many of my other transmutation spells. This one seems to be more powerful and not as temporary as some other spells. But the others? Don't make any sense."</p><p>Jester pulled a chair up next to him. "Walk me through it? Sometimes it helps to have someone to talk it through with. I mean, I know I'm not really great with this stuff…"</p><p>Caleb gave a strained smile. "You're plenty powerful. You can do many things I can't. We all have our strengths."</p><p>"Still, try? What do the words mean?" She gestured to the ones in what she assumed to be Zemnian.</p><p>Caleb ran his fingers over the text. "Build. Blood. Being. Body."</p><p>"Whoever wrote this liked alliteration."</p><p>"Build is to transform. The symbology is familiar. The others though… The transmutation sigils aren't there."</p><p>"Maybe it's not transmutation magic?"</p><p>"That's all that's in a transmuter's stone."</p><p>"Maybe it's the magic that's being transmuted."</p><p>"I…" he grabbed the book closer. "That's impossible… But. This could be necromancy, I suppose." His brow wrinkled. A finger traced the second symbol again. "Abjuration perhaps? Maybe evocation? Two at once?" His eyes fell on the third. "That one's almost <em>definitely </em> necromancy." He grabbed another book to compare and started scribbling notes in the margins in what appeared to be shorthand.</p><p>Jester gave him a proud smile. "Did I help?"</p><p>His eyes met hers, bleary and a little unhinged. "Immensely. I told you that you're brilliant."</p><p>She nodded. "I'll be right back."</p><p>She went back to the kitchen and dipped her pinky in to check the temperature. "Ow. Good. Still hot." Hrr tongue darted out to lick her finger clean and she swirled the leftover contents of the pan with the other hand for a second before dumping it into a second mug. Carefully, she carried it back to Caleb. His head drooped over the page, pencil still held limply in the air.</p><p>"Caleb?"</p><p>He jumped. "Hm?"</p><p>She set down the mug next to him. He sat up straighter. A hand reached out for it, absent-mindedly, and he took a sip, a frown of approval appearing on his face. "This <em> is </em> good," he said, taking a bigger gulp. "You <em> made </em> this?"</p><p>"I couldn't find a cat. Do they actually need sleep?"</p><p>"I don't think so." He looked around, noting a cat carrying books with its tail. "I think they might all be cleaning up after me," he said, apologetically.</p><p>Jester shrugged. "I didn't mind. It was kind of fun, actually. I mean, it was supposed to be warm milk. But then I remembered Mama used to have them put vanilla and cinnamon in it for us and then I saw ginger and nutmeg and then I saw chocolate and it sort of stopped being just milk."</p><p>He chuckled. "I thought you could only cook scones."</p><p>"You <em> remember </em> that?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean, I know you remember everything, but holy shit. I mentioned that like <em> once </em>."</p><p>He shrugged. "You'd be surprised what sticks." He raised the mug. "Thanks for this."</p><p>Jester giggled. "You have some on your face."</p><p>She reached out with the bottom of her shirt. Caleb tried to dodge her, but she grabbed his scruffy chin in hand and gently wiped it away. He wrinkled his brow at her making her laugh hard.</p><p>A hand came up to scratch at his beard. "Thank you?"</p><p>"You're welcome. And here. I'll do you another favor." She took one of the ribbons on the book and marked his place. Then, quickly as she could manage, slid it away and closed it before he could stop her. She rested a hand on his arm. "I'm pretty sure if I don't get you up to bed in the next five minutes, we'll find you face down on the rug in the morning."</p><p>"What? But I'm close." He swayed in his chair.</p><p>"It'll be right here, ja? You can make sure it's here next time?"</p><p>"Ja," he said, reluctantly.</p><p>"You don't have to figure it all out right this second, you know? You need sleep, too. It'll be here later."</p><p>He set the mug down. "I'm right on the edge."</p><p>"The edge of falling over. Come on. Bed."</p><p>Jester grabbed him by the sleeve. He glanced back at his books as she dragged him toward the hatch. It almost made him topple over. She sniffed.</p><p>"You haven't been drinking again have you?"</p><p>"One ale. An hour ago."</p><p>"No wonder your brain is fuzzy. Careful." She braced his back and pulled his arm over her shoulder to keep him upright.</p><p>"It was only one."</p><p>"How strong of a one?" He looked at the floor. "That's what I thought. Up."</p><p>She held tight to him as they rose into the air and pulled him up to his room. The amber door opened to reveal the plain room she visited when he'd read her 'The Cat Prince.' It had been weeks and it still looked the same. She shook her head and dragged him further in. The door led straight to his bedroom. No special extra room in between like he'd done for everyone else. 'No time for me,' he'd said that night. Her chest hurt at the thought. This was his home too. He deserved something special.</p><p>His bedroom was also sparsely furnished. Almost perfunctory. No stained glass. No pictures. No personal touches. Nothing to say that Caleb took up space here. The only major feature was an extra fireplace in his bedroom. He lit it with a wave of his hand as they entered and the room was almost instantly warmer. The soft glow bounced off the bare, wooden walls. It felt cosier, but still empty.</p><p>Jester pulled back the thick, heavy blankets on his bed and tucked him into it. Almost like she had that night in Hupperdook.</p><p>"We've got to do something about your room, Caleb," she told him.</p><p>"It's fine. It's just a room."</p><p>"Exactly. You gave us each something so perfectly <em> us.</em> You should have the same thing. This room doesn't <em> feel </em> like you."</p><p>"No?"</p><p>She shook her head. "I mean, an extra fireplace is a <em> start.</em> At least it's <em> warm</em>. But there's no color."</p><p>"I'm not really a colorful person."</p><p>"Liar. That scarf you wear is definitely proof otherwise."</p><p>"I honestly don't know what I'd do for me. I don't actually spend much time in here."</p><p>"I'll think of something."</p><p>"Like what?"</p><p>She thought for a moment. What screamed Caleb? Books? He had those downstairs. Magic? That was everywhere too. Caleb was warmth and simplicity. The fireplace really <em> was </em> a good start, but it needed… Something more. Something bigger. She scooted next to him, lying back to get a view from his perspective.</p><p>"Stars," she said. Caleb tilted his head. She gestured above them. "You could make it look like the night sky. Like how we could see it through the dome? <em> And</em>? And. As a bonus, they don't have to be the <em> exact </em> same. You could hide your own constellations if you wanted."</p><p>He smiled. "Recreate the night sky?"</p><p>"Ja. You know, when we were Rexxentrum, we saw a lot of clouds. It reminded me of how sad you've been. Like you had your own personal rain cloud following you. And all those years <em> inside</em>? I think it'd be nice if you had a nice clear sky full of stars without having to sleep on the ground to see them, you know?"</p><p>He stared at her. Nodded slowly.</p><p>"And for the walls? Maybe like the stars continued down and the dark blue color from the sky could fade into like some trees or something. With teeny tiny lights in them. Like fairies in the branches."</p><p>"Fairies?"</p><p>"The fey. Like Frumpkin. And The Cat Prince. Remember? How all the cat eyes lit up the dark?"</p><p>He laughed. Full-on laughed. It was infectious. But so was decorating his room. She didn't even need to think. The words just kept coming to her. She pointed to the base of the wall. "A wood trim. It could have carvings in it like swirls and waves that criss cross and stuff and it'd look all formal from a distance, but if you looked close, the lines would look like a bunch of cats playing with yarn."</p><p>Caleb smiled. "What else?" His voice was soft. Barely audible.</p><p>"Your bed frame would match the trim," she continued. "Solid wood. With amber inlay swirling around and down the posts. These blankets can stay. But they should be blue. You like blue."</p><p>You'd think that golden amber color since it was so tied up in his spellwork, but as she said the word blue, she was certain she was right. She wasn't sure why. He didn't <em> wear </em> a lot of blue. Never mentioned a particular fondness for it. His eyes were blue. The bluest blue. But that wasn't why. Something in his presence; the peacefulness of the color. The way it balanced against the golden amber. Yes. Blue was definitely a Caleb color. He didn't correct her and she looked over at him. His eyes were closed. His chest rose and fell, breathing steady and deep. A smile played at the corner of his lips.</p><p>Jester smiled back at him, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. "Sweet dreams, Caleb."</p><p>The room was warm, cozy. The images she'd created in her mind seemed to surround her and could have lulled her to sleep. But her fingers itched for a paintbrush. She got up and tread quietly from the room. In the antechamber, she paused, stared at the empty space above his fireplace for a moment, and then headed back to her art studio.</p><p>The paints waited for her, refilled and ready to create. She looked at her canvas, tilting it toward the light. She knew she needed sleep too, but she grabbed a light sketching pencil and began to make a rough outline. With each scratch of lead on canvas, her smile grew. As she finished, she took a step back. This would be complicated. Definitely was going to take awhile. She put back the pot of green she'd pulled earlier and looked at her canvas again.</p><p>"I've got to start somewhere." She ran her fingers over the paint pots and pulled a jar of an amber yellow. She loaded her brush and made a few strokes. Stepped back. Nodded. "This is going to be so cool."</p><p>She left the brush in the pot to mark her place and, stretching her arms over her head, headed back to bed. The sheets were cool against her skin. She almost wished for a second fireplace in <em> her </em> room too. But the fabric slowly started to warm around her and, burying her face in her pillow, she drifted away. It wasn't until morning that it registered: Fjord was gone when she'd come back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So. We're getting closer to canon in the sense of where they're going and why so I might lean on present canon a bit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In a way, it was good. It might help if he kept telling himself that. Knowing and seeing are two very different things. He knew there was something there between Jester and Fjord. He'd suspected it for a while. But seeing it plain as day was a far cry different from whatever he thought he knew.</p><p>Caleb shouldn't have eavesdropped. He hadn't meant to. Hadn't seen Fjord go into Jester's room before he sent Frumpkin up to keep her company. The moment he heard them talking, he knew he should leave, but he stayed rooted to the space right outside her door. Sat down on his haunches and listened to them through the cat's ears. </p><p>"Since I can't go back to my room tonight… Would you mind me staying with you?"</p><p>It had hit him like a knife to the heart. It shouldn't have. He'd seen that kiss on the mountainside. The way she'd kissed him back. He knew he could never hope for a love like hers. But it didn't stop him from wanting it. From craving her touch. It didn't stop him from wishing it was him. </p><p>He could feel the wet tears on his human face as the cat's eyes remained clear. In a fit of what was probably masochism, Caleb poked Frumpkin's head through the tiny door she always left open. He could just make out the outline of their bodies sitting close together on her bed. Her head nodded in response to Fjord's question. She didn't need a cat for company tonight. So he turned and slipped back out the door.</p><p>He ran up to Veth's room instead, instructing Frumpkin to watch over her and to get him if she needed anything. And then he pulled his senses back into his own body. His senses. He needed to get a grip on them. It was good he'd seen them together like that. He had needed the reality check. Needed to see all the ways he'd never have her.</p><p>He'd ordered a glass of the strongest ale in the tower and retreated to the library. Where he belonged. He lost himself in the familiar act of research. It was comforting, the way books were always there. Not much of a distraction, due to Jester's presence on the edge of his questions, but it was where <em> she </em> should be, too. On the edge. The periphery. Just out of reach. Always out of reach. Because she had chosen Fjord a long time ago. And every time he thought he'd accepted that fact, she would do or say something to pull him back in.</p><p>And tonight was no different. She startled him out of his reading with a smile and a cup of hot chocolate on offer. Like a key in a lock, a simple suggestion seemed to open up the exact door in his mind he needed to understand the puzzle of the book in front of him. And then she was pulling him up to bed and he could only give the faintest of resistances. Because he could never really say no to her.</p><p>Not even when she started rattling on about redecorating his room. He never put much thought into it, when he made it. There were so many other rooms for him to be spending time in. He came here to sleep. Eyes closed. What could he need to look at?</p><p>But each suggestion brought a smile to his lips. And every word made him feel seen. She had always seen him in ways that others didn't. Recognized something, even if he couldn't see it himself. No, he didn't know what to do to make his own space special. But Jester did. And he really needed to stop being surprised when she did that.</p><p>Stars, so he wouldn't feel caged in again. But warm and cozy, so he could have them without a hard ground or wind-chilled skin. Trees and lights like in the story he'd read her. The story his mother had read to him a thousand times. He'd give the world to hear her voice read it just one more time. </p><p>He was warm in his bed and Jester was beside him and her voice was just as comforting. He could listen to her talk for hours. About anything she wanted, really. It didn't matter. As long as she was beside him as she said it. The smell of her soft, clean hair tickled at his nose. He longed to bury his face in it. To breathe her in and hold her close.</p><p>But he couldn't move. His arms were like lead. She wasn't his to hold. But he couldn't push her away anymore, either. So he leaned closer to her as she talked. His head almost rested on her shoulder. Almost. He drifted to sleep with her lovely voice in his ears. The closest he knew he'd ever get to true happiness. And he knew that when--not if--she left, a part of him would be waiting for her to come back. However fruitless that hope would eventually be.</p><p>Morning, as usual, came on too soon. They'd cast the tower early the day before, so breakfast was a rush. They had barely grabbed their things to depart before they were all thrust back into the cold, the tower dissolving around them. </p><p>Veth shivered, quickly donning her earmuffs. "Great. Which way do we go?"</p><p>Caleb paused, his long scarf trailing on the ground as he looked up and around them. He pointed to the north, but then dropped his hand. East of Aeor, Essek had said. But where was Aeor? They were going to lose time trying to find it again, so they could know where to fly east from. There were mountains everywhere. But how far had they gotten from the crash site? They could only pray for it to not have been far. </p><p>"East of Aeor." Caleb finished wrapping his scarf around his neck. He looked to Fjord, who was pulling out the map they'd gotten from Vess Derogna.</p><p>"There's not much east of the crater," he reported. Mountains all the way to the coast. It's going to be a bit difficult if we have to search all these mountains for him."</p><p>"We shouldn't have to," Beau said. "Didn't Dagen say it was a mobile outpost? They wouldn't be very mobile in the mountains. I say we head for the coast."</p><p>"A ship-based outpost?" Fjord asked.</p><p>"Sounds about right." Caduceus said. He transformed himself into a giant pink eagle, grabbing Beau and Veth in his talons as he took off.</p><p>"Could've given us a warning!" Beau's voice was almost lost in the sound of the flapping of wings.</p><p>Caleb followed suit, also transforming and picking up Yasha. He could see Jester doing the same to Fjord beside him. They flew east for a bit and then banked to the north. The mountains curved and they easily spotted the crater. It took a few hours, but they reached the mountains on the eastern border of the crater before dusk. They had just enough magic reserve to make a final push for the coast.</p><p>The top of the last mountain range was in sight, but their spells were on their last gasps. Caleb found himself human again, Yasha clutched in his arms as they fell. He hadn't noticed the others start to land and felt the effects of Veth's feather fall spell take hold before he could reach for his spell components.</p><p>"Did you see anything?" Caduceus asked as they landed.</p><p>Caleb shook his head. "Couldn't get high enough to see over the range. Did you?"</p><p>Cad shook his head. "I'm about spent. We can try one last push, but if we do, I think we might not have anywhere warm to sleep tonight."</p><p>"I've got a bit extra in me. Polymorph is a specialty of mine."</p><p>"You sure like that spell, Caleb," Jester said, the snow crunching under her boots. They fit again and her limp was barely noticeable. "You ran it all the way out again."</p><p>"Had to try. One more hour?"</p><p>She looked around. "There have been wolves all over this area. Have you seen them from up there? You know, I'd hate to have to fight them without all my most powerful spells. We've got to try to get to Essek tonight."</p><p>Caleb nodded. "On three. Eins. Zwei. Drei." The three of them transformed and picked up their passengers.</p><p>The wind was harder up so high, probably worsened with the breeze off the ocean. Caleb could feel the ice clinging to his feathers, but kept going. They soared over the peak, a surprisingly sharp cliff on the windward side dropping down into the trees below them. But there it was. Beyond the trees, the coastline stretched for miles. Freezing water lapped onto the rocky shore, waves looking almost like they'd freeze as they crested onto the sharp-looking stones.</p><p>The inlet wasn't wide. The opposite shoreline was easily visible as they banked down toward the snowy trees that covered the lower half of the mountain. Beyond it, a few miles out to sea, sat a group of three ships, flags snapping in the harsh sea wind. The emblem of the Bright Queen was clear even from that distance. But Caleb knew they wouldn't reach them before their spells gave out. Instead, he stayed just above the tree line, trying to get as far as possible before they simply <em> had </em> to land.</p><p>They were a little more than two-thirds of the way down the mountain when Caleb signaled for them to descend. Jester had barely enough time to dump Fjord on the ground before she went crashing into it, just unable to get her footing. She slid several feet, rolling over to land face down in the snow.</p><p>"Everyone alright?" Caduceus asked.</p><p>Caleb signaled a thumbs-up as he reached a hand out to help Jester up. Fjord looked worried, but as she grabbed Caleb's hand, he could see her shoulders shaking with laughter.</p><p>She raised her hands as soon as she was standing again. "That. Was. Awesome!"</p><p>"Looked painful," Beau said.</p><p>Jester shrugged. "Not really. Are you okay? Your skin is really red."</p><p>"I can't feel my face," Beau confirmed.</p><p>"I take that to mean I'm setting up the tower?"</p><p>Beau shook her head. "I think we should press on until dark."</p><p>"We've got to try and get out of these trees," Jester agreed. "So at the very least, Essek can see us coming."</p><p>"The trees might provide some shelter from the wind," Caduceus said, blowing warm breath into his hands.</p><p>"What do you think, Caleb?" Veth looked up at him.</p><p>"Would you be alright going further?"</p><p>"I've been a passenger all day. I'm good to keep going. It's you three I'm worried about." She pointed to him, Jester, and Caduceus. "You all have pushed through a lot of magic today."</p><p>Caleb shrugged. "I'll be alright. Fjord?"</p><p>Fjord looked over at Jester. "I agree with Veth. I'm fine, but I don't want you burning yourself out."</p><p>Beau looked at him. "Look. We've still got daylight, right? Maybe not a lot, this side of the mountain, but enough. I say we push on until we can't anymore. The four of us can keep the three of them out of any major trouble."</p><p>Yasha chimed in. "The more distance we cover today, the better." Beau shot her a grateful look.</p><p>Caleb nodded. "So we press on. At least until dark."</p><p>Beau nodded and took the lead, heading downhill into the trees. Yasha was right on her heels. Veth and Fjord took the rear, ushering the three of them to the middle.</p><p>"Spellcaster sandwich," Jester noted as they walked.</p><p>"Let's just hope nothing tries to take a bite, ja?"</p><p>She grinned.</p><p>Traversing this landscape was a lot easier with Dagen leading the way. The snow was deep and the trees were surprisingly thick. They wound their way carefully downward, Beau grabbing Caduceus after a slick patch sent him sliding into a tree. The impact caused snow to tumble off the branches overhead. Thick, wet slush landed on Jester's head. She jumped around for a moment, Sprinkle running out of her hood and down inside her armor at the commotion.</p><p>"You alright Jester?" Fjord took her arm as he spoke, Jester continuing to wriggle. "Ack! It went down the back of my coat!"</p><p>Fjord laughed. Jester, finally shaking the snow loose, shot him a glare. With the pine needles sticking out of her damp hair like some sort of headdress, it only drove him further into a fit of giggles.</p><p>She shivered. "It's really not <em> that </em> funny."</p><p>Caleb hid his own smile behind a fist. Reaching out with the other hand he plucked a twig from her head, spinning it between his thumb and index finger in front of her face.</p><p>Her brow furrowed. "Not you too, Caleb."</p><p>"Are you hurt?" he asked.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Then it's absolutely funny." She smacked him lightly in the chest. "Ow."</p><p>She reached a hand up to grab a fistful of slush and smashed it into the face of the still chortling Fjord.</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>She gave the two of them a begrudging smile and giggled. "Now we're even."</p><p>"Guys?" Caduceus's voice was a harsh hiss. They turned to face him. As their laughter faded away, they could hear it. The crunch of snow underfoot. And none of them had made it.</p><p>A loud growl ripped through the air as a large frost covered wolf leaped out from behind a tree. Two more appeared next to it. They honed in on Beau, who let out a loud scream as they all attempted to bite at her. Her lithe body dodged two of the creatures, but the third connected with her shoulder. Blood hit the snow with a sickening splatter.</p><p>Everyone readied to defend themselves. Fjord raised his sword and sent three bursts of energy straight at the one dripping with Beau's blood. One grazed past its ear, but it took the other two square in the face. The creature let out a yelp. Veth shot two bolts in that direction, a third misfiring, but also connecting. The creature fell to the ground, a bolt sticking out of its eyeball. Yasha screamed, grabbing her sword. She took a swing and carved a deep gash in the side of the one on the right. The second swing was just as vicious. Her sword sank into the muscle over its shoulder. The beast roared with pain and reared back onto its hind legs. Beau took the opportunity to crack her staff twice into its underbelly. It fell back into the snow. Unmoving. Without missing a beat, she cracked her fist into the final wolf beside her. It too, yelped in pain, taking a step back. She managed to land one more punch to its ribs. The creature let out an angry scream. Beau pulled back again, staff readied.</p><p>Jester brandished her symbol of the Traveler. A beam of radiant light hit it in the face, leaving a faint, glimmering sheen clinging to its fur as it moved. Caduceus waved his staff in kind, though his spell gave off a lighter green color than Jester's. The creature was left barely standing, though still shimmering with light. Caleb took a deep breath and murmured an incantation as he swirled his hands in the air. He lifted one out in front of him and sent a fire bolt streaking toward the wolf. The scent of burning fur and flesh filled the air and the scream of pain it let out was loud and echoing.</p><p>As the smoke rose, the area around the burning beast's corpse was lit by the embers. A dozen or so eyes glinted in the firelight several yards back. The sound of growls echoed around them. Boxing them in. Caleb turned his head to see more wolves creeping ever closer from behind.</p><p>Seven of them leapt forward, teeth bared and gnashing at their quarry. Veth just managed to duck out of the way. Beau dodged one only to be caught in the jaws of another. She went tumbling to the ground with the force of the attack. Its mouth opened wide, biting her raised arm, tearing at the flesh. More blood flew as a fourth caught Yasha in the back, ripping at her shoulder blade. She screamed, in anger as much as pain.</p><p>Fjord dodged two of the creatures as they charged forward at him. Caduceus caught one with his shield. A blast of energy shot out on impact, pushing the frost-covered wolf across the clearing toward its pack mates. Yasha ducked as it flew over her head toward the wolf on her heels. A few more jumped forward, jaws reaching out for Jester. She ducked out of the way of one, but the other's teeth headed straight for the face. Blood poured from the wound. Jester screamed something in infernal and the beast that struck her was surrounded by dark hellfire. It yelped and jumped back.</p><p>Another wolf howled and headed straight for Caleb. It's teeth were glistening with saliva that glinted in the dull firelight. He raised a hand and it bounced off a forcefield of pure energy that surrounded him. Seeing this, a second creature made an attempt with the same result. Their claws bit into the ground with frustration. </p><p>The wolf behind them opened its mouth. Its breath, already fogging in the cold air seemed to fog even further. It roared and a blast of freezing wind tore at Caleb's skin. Jester and Caduceus beside him, seized up at the sheer force of the onslaught. Jester seemed to shrug it off, but Caduceus and Caleb both had started to shiver violently as icy wind tore through them.</p><p>"<em> Galas'var </em>," Fjord yelled, his sword beginning to glow in his hand. He swung it at one of the wolves next to him. It collided with a splatter of blood, radiant light searing into the wolf's flesh. One more slash left the other with a gaping hole in its shoulder. Veth pointed her hand crossbow not at the one bearing down upon her, but at the one Fjord had first attacked. She fired twice. They met their mark. The beast fell to the ground with a thud and a high howl of pain.</p><p>"Thanks," he called out to her.</p><p>She nodded, turning and ducking around the side of the wolf still breathing down her neck. It took a bite, but she agily flipped out of the way as she ran and ducked behind a tree for cover.</p><p>Yasha's fury rose from the cuts in her back. She screamed again, less from pain than fury, and slashed at the wolf at her back. Her sword sunk deep into the beast's side. She pulled it out and took another swing. The wolf went down, its cries of pain cut off quickly by her blade.</p><p>"Nice," Beau called out to her, taking two strikes with her staff against the big beast in front of her. Each blow hit with a resounding smack and the creature looked dazed before she even came back at it with her fist and a resounding elbow to the jugular.</p><p>The wolf Jester had flambéd earlier was suddenly screaming in pain as she smacked it in the nose. Its skin and fur began to rot away. It looked even more menacing as its bony skeleton came into view. Teeth still bared and dripping with saliva that started to freeze as the chilly air found the open wound.</p><p>Caleb shuddered and turned back to the three wolves on him. He heard Caduceus tap his staff on the ground and murmur a few words and a swarm of iridescent beetles surrounded them, honing in on the five wolves surrounding the three exhausted spellcasters.</p><p>Caleb murmured a few words and four rays of fire shot out of his hands. Two blasted into the creatures on either side of him, singing their fur. Two more flew toward the one with the gaping hole in its maw. It took them square in the face and fell to the ground.</p><p>The beetles had found their mark, digging into the wolves' fur. They cried out in pain, but shook it off. The uninjured wolf near Beau let out a breath of cold air as it roared. Yasha shook next to her, but Beau stood firm, seemingly unaffected. Yasha dodged another bite, as did Jester. But the one at Caleb's back sank its teeth into his shoulder. He screamed, but managed to pull himself free from the beast's grip. The pain throbbed all the way up to his neck.</p><p>One wolf followed after Veth, taking a few steps toward the forest where she disappeared, but perhaps deciding that there was easier prey to be had, let out a snarl and moved for Fjord instead. As did its pack mate. His shouts of pain rang in Caleb's ears. Until all he could hear was the icy wind jetting from both sides of him. Jester mostly pushed through it, but Caleb, shaking and shivering, took the full brunt. His knees almost buckled with the freezing pain of it. But he glanced at the fierce glare on Jester's face and straightened his shoulders.</p><p>One of the wolves on Fjord let out a sharp cry as Fjord's attack flung it into one of the wolves attacking Caleb. The other followed suit, almost hitting a nearby tree. Three bolts shot out from a nearby tree. Two sank into the one at Caleb's back killing it on impact. The third shot over Fjord's shoulder burying itself into the wolf Fjord had thrown.</p><p>Yasha carved into the beast by her with two strikes of her sword. Devastated by the attack, the creature crouched in the snow, bleeding profusely. Beau put it down with one strike of her staff. It crashed down on the beast's head and she pulled it back to jab the one behind her with the other end. Swinging back around, she aimed two kicks at the still stunned wolf's snout. The blows knocked it out of its stupor, but barely strong enough to stand.</p><p>Jester looked around at the nearby wolves. Caleb had to raise his voice to be heard over the noise of the battle.</p><p>"I've got this one. Help Beauregard, ja?"</p><p>She nodded and turned her head. A giant spectral lollipop appeared right between the two wolves attacking their friend. With a smack, the creature fell limp.</p><p>"Woo!" Jester bounced on the balls of her feet and turned to throw a hand out toward the beast attacking her. A wave of radiant energy tore through it. Caduceus said a quick prayer and when Caleb hurled a handful of fire at the beast, it flared twice as bright. The creature lay smouldering in the snow. Dead.</p><p>A loud buzzing sound filled the air as the swarming beetles attacked again. They dug into the flesh of the nearby wolves. Three of the beasts Fjord pissed off by throwing the two wolves moved toward him to attack. Caleb and Jester moved at the same time. Caleb hurled another mote of fire and the wolf closest to him collapsed in a heap. Jester's wolf jumped over its fallen pack mate, radiant flames searing it as it moved. The two beasts opened their mouths and their frosty breath caught Fjord in the middle.</p><p>Beau dodged another savage bite. "Nope. Fuck off, you son of a bitch." Caleb, likewise, managed to move his arm in time to avoid the gnashing teeth aiming straight for it.</p><p>Fjord let out a grunt as he struck the wolf in front of him. It flew back toward Caleb and Jester, hurt but scrambling to its feet. The beast growled with fury, eyes still focused on Fjord. He spun on his heels and ran at the beast behind him. Another dull thwacking noise and the second wolf flew directly into a tree with a loud crack.</p><p>A bolt shot out from behind the tree and struck one of the wolves next to Caleb and Jester. It went down, bolt embedded in its throat. A second struck the wolf on their other side. The wolf whimpered, but stayed standing.</p><p>On the other side of the clearing, Caleb could see Yasha and Beau going to town on a singular wolf, Jester's bright pink lollipop hovering behind it. Yasha hit it twice, leaving large gashes in the wolf's side. Beau followed up with two hard strikes to the ribs. Jester's lollipop came down hard on its head, knocking it to the ground. It didn't get up.</p><p>Jester reached out to Caleb for a high five. Eyes wide, he slapped her hand with his. She pumped her fist and thrust it into the face of the wolf Fjord had thrown their way. Like the one before, its face began to rot away. It let out a roar of pain,  eyes now intent on Jester. Caleb was ready to throw fire at it, but Caduceus laid a hand on his shoulder as he walked around them and over to Fjord. Caleb could feel a few of the wounds the wolves had given him close up. He stared at Caduceus.</p><p>"It'll be fine," he said. The beetles moved with him as he walked. Circling. They came to rest on the two remaining wolves.</p><p>Caleb looked around and nodded. He sent four bolts of flame toward the wolf by the tree. The flames licked up the creature's fur. It screamed as it rolled in the snow, attempting to quench the flames searing its flesh. And then the beetles dug in. The two remaining wolves, already on their last legs, howled with pain. Their cries cut off as life left their bodies.</p><p>Another howl came from somewhere far off.</p><p>"We've gotta get inside," Beau said, glancing around at the fifteen dead wolves. "If they've got any more friends, we might be in trouble."</p><p>Veth strolled out from behind her tree. Unscathed. "I don't know. I think we could take them." She held up her crossbow and blew on the end. Beau gave her an incredulous look, wiping away some of the blood from her wounds.</p><p>Caleb let them argue and sat down to cast the tower. The chill from the wolves' breath still seemed to linger in his bones. He was spent. There were only two things he needed now. A hot meal and a warm bed. And a hot bath. Three things. As long as it involved being warm, Caleb was in. The light of the doorway opened up before him and Jester pulled him to his feet.</p><p>"Are you guys going to argue all night or are you coming inside?" Jester asked.</p><p>Beau and Veth responded at the same time. "Who says we can't do both?"</p><p>Dinner was fast and hot. For all her willingness to try new foods the night before, Jester's sweet tooth was back in full force. While the others were downing bowls of hot macaroni and cheese, she tucked into a piece of fried bread she referred to as an elephant's ear. Caleb hadn't known what to make of it when she'd described it to the cats, but she grinned wide as the moon when the huge disc of freshly fried dough, dusted with cinnamon and sugar, was placed in front of her. A small bowl of fruity butter that smelled like an orchard joined it.</p><p>"This is just so good."</p><p>"It's like a giant doughnut?" Beau said</p><p>Jester shook her head. "Better."</p><p>Caleb snuck a small piece earning a playful glare. She pushed the butter toward him. "It's not really as good without this."</p><p>It almost reminded him of an apple pie. But better. Jester hadn't been wrong about that. Sweet and crispy, but fluffy in the middle. The buttery applesauce mixture was good enough to eat by itself. And he was sure that, if there was any left over, Jester would do just that. </p><p>He raised his eyebrows at her in pleasant delight.</p><p>"Right? So good."</p><p>"I've never had one of those before."</p><p>"They're really big at street fairs in Nicodranas in the fall. Bluud used to bring me them."</p><p>A pang of sadness hit him because she probably watched those street fairs from her window. Caleb hadn't been to many fairs either, but that was only because they couldn't afford it. He and Wulf once managed to cobble together enough money to buy some caramel popcorn to share. They'd watched some of the night time festivities and savored every last piece, licking the sticky caramel from their fingers when they were finished. They wished for one of the sparklers they'd seen people waving, but food would always trump entertainment for a pair of poor and hungry boys.</p><p>Caleb had never given Marion Lavorre's bodyguard much thought, but he was grateful to him. For letting Jester at least have a <em> taste </em> of a normal childhood.</p><p>Caleb gave her a soft smile. She was back to her food, large globs of the apple butter disappearing with each bite. She wiped the last of it from her bowl with a small piece of the bread.</p><p>"I may have to get everyone some of that for dessert."</p><p>She grinned. "Mind if I take mine upstairs? I'm working on something."</p><p>He gave her a curious look, but shrugged. She stayed only long enough for a round of elephant's ears to be brought out and then skipped out of the room, dessert in hand.</p><p>Caleb didn't stay much longer than Jester did. He devoured the sugary confection and headed straight upstairs, leaving the others to their own devices. His eyes were already fighting to stay open. He was unconscious in minutes, the twinkling of lights bouncing off his closed lids.</p><p>Morning came, as mornings are wont to do. By the time they made it to the door, they were all in higher spirits. Veth especially, who was pressing a blushing Jester and a sheepish-looking Fjord about the kiss someone had clearly filled her in on.</p><p>"No, that was the first time," Jester insisted. "I'm sorry you missed it, Veth."</p><p>Caleb could see the lie in her eyes. Veth however, looked happy for Jester, if a little disappointed that she'd been too unconscious to see it.</p><p>"Well, what does it mean? Are you guys a <em> thing </em> now? We've got to nail this down."</p><p>There was a knock at the door. The conversation stopped. Caleb looked around at them all, counting. Everyone was accounted for. They waited a few moments, no other sound came.</p><p>"Maybe a bird got confused?" Beau said, shrugging.</p><p>"Only one way to find out." Caduceus pushed to the front and opened the door.</p><p>Standing a few yards away, bending to examine one of the dead wolves was Essek. His white hair was a bit disheveled. As though he'd been running his hands through it. The thick, Xhorhasian cloak he wore had been buttoned hastily. Jester ran out the door and crushed him in a hug from behind.</p><p>"Did you miss us?" she asked. He let out a grunt at the impact, but looked relieved, though seemingly unsure of what to do with the tiefling on his back.</p><p>"I had hoped all that noise and smoke was you."</p><p>Caleb stepped forward. "Hope, Thelyss?"</p><p>"What can I say? It appears you all have rubbed off on me."</p><p>Jester snickered and released him. "You aren't floating."</p><p>"I needed my wits about me." He gestured to the wolves. "We waited until first light, but when you all didn't show, I got concerned."</p><p>"See? I told you he was worried about us."</p><p>Essek smiled at her with raised eyebrows. "Well, not without reason. This close to the water is wolf territory. That racket last night echoed all across the inlet. I'm surprised there were only fifteen."</p><p>"Good." Beau walked over and punched his shoulder. He winced. "Get used to being surprised. You'll probably be making that face for awhile."</p><p>He looked around. "Shall we walk as we have this conversation? Most of the packs in this range tend toward a nocturnal pattern, but not all of them."</p><p>Caleb nodded. Jester was kicking at the ground the fire had managed to uncover. Veth ran around, retrieving crossbow bolts from the bodies. Jester bent to help her. Caleb turned his eyes on Essek.</p><p>"What are you doing up here?"</p><p>"I could ask you the same question. I mean, I know you all end up in really unexpected places sometimes. I've helped you get to some of them. But what could have brought you all the way up here?"</p><p>"The Assembly." Caleb's words had a chilling effect on Essek. He turned his head, as though expecting to see one of them come out from behind a tree. "To start with, anyway."</p><p>He began to walk downhill. Caleb was hot on his heels. "I know they have interests up here. It's why the Bright Queen sent me. To keep an eye on the area. We have our own interests in this direction and the tenuous peace with the Empire does not necessarily extend this far north."</p><p>The others had caught up to them. Jester poked her head in between them. "What kind of interests?"</p><p>"The kind that are better discussed back on the ship."</p><p>"I thought there was an outpost here." Beau sidled up next to him.</p><p>"There are several in these mountains surrounding Aeor. Most of which are not exactly friendly to visitors. They tend to shoot first and ask questions second. I figured things might be more… Comfortable on the water." He shot a glance at Fjord. "You're fond of ships, yes?"</p><p>Fjord nodded. "I've captained a vessel or two before."</p><p>"We got a new ship," Jester informed him. "I really hope you haven't tried to teleport onto The Ball Eater cause a dragon turtle destroyed it and you would end up underwater."</p><p>"A dragon turtle?"</p><p>"Ja. We also went inside an active volcano and we killed a pretend god who was making people forget and holding them hostage on an island. And then we definitely pissed off the Moonweaver, but I think she forgave us? We've got so much to catch you up on. Seriously. TravelerCon was super awesome. You really should have been there."</p><p>He looked horrified. But also intrigued. "You all certainly don't live <em> dull </em> lives, do you?"</p><p>"Nope." Beau said, lips popping on the P.</p><p>"How are things back in the Dynasty?" Caleb asked.</p><p>"The same. Perhaps more tense. With the beacons restored, the focus has been on ensuring their safety. I'm not sure they entirely believe that the culprit behind the theft was caught. So when the Bright Queen mentioned keeping eyes on the situation near Aeor, I volunteered to take the position."</p><p>"Anything out of the ordinary?"</p><p>"You. And then earthquakes. What happened down there?"</p><p>Caleb cleared his throat. "Perhaps that's something else best discussed on the ship. You may want to be sitting down."</p><p>"I have an odd sense that I should have wine brought in."</p><p>"I don't think there's enough wine in the world to help cope with this shit," Beau said. "Whiskey might be better with this kind of news. If you get fucked up enough, you won't have to think about it." Jester pulled on her arm and she fell back, the two of them hunching together and whispering.</p><p>"I've also got hot chocolate if you'd find that more comforting." Caduceus patted him on the back as they walked.</p><p>Essek just chuckled. "Is it strange to say that I think I <em> have </em> missed you all?"</p><p>"Really? I sort of thought you couldn't wait to get rid of us." Yasha looked him in the eye and he looked down at his feet.</p><p>"That might have been true once. But I've never had friends before. You all believing in me; trusting in me... Even when I never gave you much reason to do so. I was never <em> ashamed </em> of what I did. Not until I had to explain it all to you." He looked at Caleb. "The look on your face. You saw yourself in me, didn't you?"</p><p>"Anything for knowledge and power? It's a familiar tale. Common for people like us."</p><p>"Exactly. Common. Everyday. But not for you. Any of you."</p><p>"Power has tempted me before. Knowledge, all the time. It's a drug. Hard to quit." </p><p>"I expected you to hate me. To try to stop me or out me. Your distrust of the Assembly, not unfounded, would be my undoing. I never expected forgiveness. Or kindness after that. But you still gave me that. Offered me a second chance. You all made me expect more from <em> myself </em> . And being your friend wasn't something pushed on me, but something I <em> wanted </em>. Even when I wasn't sure our paths would cross again. But I'm glad you all reached out to me. I don't know how much help I can be, but I will do what I can."</p><p>"We appreciate that." Fjord said.</p><p>Caleb nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Redemption takes time. I'm not even sure that <em> I'm </em> fully there for <em> my </em> past, but the willingness to work at it is what counts, I think."</p><p>As they came to the water's edge, they saw the three large ships in the distance. Flags whipped in the icy breeze. The men aboard, barely glanced at the shore.</p><p>Essek turned to Caleb. "Mind helping me fly us all across?"</p><p>"That won't be necessary," Caduceus said. He murmured a few words and lights flew from his staff, almost like the beetles had the night before, but smaller. They circled around the group, separating to swirl around each of them. Caleb felt a tingling sensation as it spiraled from his head to his feet. It seemed to settle in his legs. They almost felt lighter.</p><p>Caduceus took a confident step over the edge of the rocky embankment and down onto the water's surface as though it were made of glass. Little ripples formed with each step, but remained above the water line. Fjord followed first, holding out a hand to help Jester step down. She took it and stepped down beside him. She hopped in place for a second, ripples pooling under her and spreading outward in tiny waves, then skipped forward, but Fjord didn't release her hand. He tugged her back to his side with a grin and pressed a kiss to her head.</p><p>Caleb's eyes couldn't tear themselves away from where they stood, hands still locked together. He kept his face emotionless as the lead that had formed in his throat hearing Veth's earlier teasing sank into his stomach. He thought he might sink from the weight of it, but he stepped down onto the water. Looking at his feet, he stomped a couple times for good measure. Firm and solid as ice. He kept his face down, attempting to school any pain out of his expression. Happy for her. That was what he'd promised himself.</p><p>"Well," Essek said. "That's a handy trick."</p><p>"Yeah. It's been useful before. It only lasts about an hour though, so we'd better get moving." Caduceus's voice gave Caleb the gentle prodding he needed to lift his face and take a step forward.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Did I set up an entire encounter and roll dice for that fight scene? Obviously.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The room Essek led them to was comfortable. There weren't enough chairs for them all, but they made do with what was available. Jester collapsed onto a bench next to Beau.</p>
<p>"You alright? Leg?"</p>
<p>"Fine." Jester kicked it out in front of them a couple times and then turned to put her feet on Beau's lap.</p>
<p>Beau rolled her eyes, but kept them on Essek as she massaged Jester's calf muscle anyway. "Any pain when I do this?"</p>
<p>Jester shook her head. Beau's hands moved to her ankle. "Here?"</p>
<p>"Beau, I'm alright."</p>
<p>"You've been doing the stretches I taught you?"</p>
<p>It was Jester's turn to roll her eyes. "Ja. Totally."</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" Essek looked over at them and Jester pulled her leg free.</p>
<p>"Nothing. I'm fine."</p>
<p>"Her leg got smashed when a tunnel caved in."</p>
<p>Now Fjord sounded worried too."What? You didn't tell me that."</p>
<p>"Because I'm fine." She drew out the last word with a whine. She hadn't limped even once today. They didn't need to make a big deal out of it.</p>
<p>She told them so, but Fjord just knelt down next to her, putting a hand on her knee. "We're just concerned. Your leg was <em> crushed </em>?"</p>
<p>"Technically? But it's fine now. Look." She stood and hopped around doing a little shuffle step. Throwing her arms wide, she gave a bow, tilting her leg out to the side. "Ta da! See? Completely fine."</p>
<p>"Don't push yourself," Fjord said. "Feeling better doesn't necessarily mean it's fully healed." He took her by the shoulder and guided her back into her seat. Once she settled, he sat down criss cross applesauce in front of her. He leaned back against the bench, pulling her hands around his shoulders. She bent as he gently tugged her hands. Her chin settled on his shoulder and he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Lean on me." She nudged his head with her own and sat back up.</p>
<p>"Are we safe to talk now?" Caleb leaned against the door frame, arms crossed.</p>
<p>Essek nodded. "The whole ship is warded against divination magic. We're safely cloaked. What happened down there?"</p>
<p>They told him. Everything that happened on Rumblecusp. Being hired by Vess Derogna. About Molly, Lucien, and the Nonagon. Those eyes. The fight at the heart of the ruins.</p>
<p>"An anti-magic field?"</p>
<p>Caleb nodded. "A big one."</p>
<p>He looked troubled. "It's familiar, but I can't put my finger on why. But you destroyed these… Tombtakers?"</p>
<p>"We didn't stop them though." Beau gratefully accepted the flask Veth held out to her and took a swig. "Whatever they did, brought that thing back through from the astral plane."</p>
<p>"And then the quaking started." Jester toyed with a shoulder latch on Fjord's breastplate.</p>
<p>He reached up a hand to squeeze hers. "We all barely made it out. And I've got no idea how we'd even get close enough to it again to do any damage."</p>
<p>"Your people have been around since the Calamity," Caleb said, pushing off the wall. "Has any knowledge been retained as to what happened up here?"</p>
<p>Essek shook his head. "Not much. But we think it's all tied to the Luxon somehow."</p>
<p>Jester started. "The beacons?"</p>
<p>"We discovered one of them on an excavation up here several years ago. The one you returned, ironically."</p>
<p>"How many beacons <em> are there </em>?" Fjord asked.</p>
<p>"No idea. But they definitely date back as far as Aeor at its height. We've discovered some similar iconography to ours in some of the ruins."</p>
<p>"They weren't from here and scattered in the crash, were they?" Veth had that look on her face like she was onto something, but Essek shook his head. Beau and Caleb joined him.</p>
<p>"The fallout of the crash doesn't extend beyond Eiselcross." Beau pointed out.</p>
<p>"And how many beacons have been unearthed across Wildmount?" Caleb asked.</p>
<p>"Three," Essek said. He rolled out a map. Caleb leaned over to look. "Another one came from Tal'Dorei, uncovered in the bay south of Stilben. We have no idea just how widespread they are. But the people of Aeor had some interest."</p>
<p>"Worship? Or just curiosity?" Caduceus asked.</p>
<p>"It's unclear. Perhaps both?"</p>
<p>"The Somnovum were philosophers, ja? Intellectuals?" Caleb looked over at Bea, who nodded. "They'd look at them as something to study."</p>
<p>"And there was a division in their society," she reminded them. "The Somnovum isolated themselves for some reason."</p>
<p>"Who were these people? What were they after?" Caleb muttered.</p>
<p>"Preventing death?" Beau asked. "Seems pretty on brand."</p>
<p>"You mean how they transferred the entire city to the <em> Astral Sea </em> ?" Fjord asked. "From the look of it, it's as bastardized as the other experiments we've seen. The only <em> living </em> thing we saw was the city."</p>
<p>"We don't know how many of the <em> people </em> survived," Veth agreed. "If saving the people even <em> was </em> their goal."</p>
<p>"Some of them were frozen in those bubbles, but I wouldn't say that's them having <em> survived </em> . We don't know what will happen if those bubbles <em> pop </em>, you know?" Jester's fingers gave a quick burst outward. Essek nodded, the familiarity clear on his face.</p>
<p>Veth leaned over. "If they're anything like the Assembly, it was probably more about saving <em> themselves </em>."</p>
<p>"I think circumventing death is a powerful motive for <em> most </em> mages." Caleb was tracing his finger along the map. "How far out does Aeor affect our magic?"</p>
<p>Essek pointed. "About to here."</p>
<p>"Triple the range of your beacons. What happens when you bring them together? Does the range extend?"</p>
<p>He shrugged. "I don't know. They do have some effect on the area they're contained in."</p>
<p>"Like in Felderwin," Veth said.</p>
<p>Caleb looked at her. "Exactly."</p>
<p>"You think there's more in there?" Essek asked.</p>
<p>"I think it's possible. The people inside those bubbles looked frozen in time. Yeza's experiments under the Assembly did something similar for short periods."</p>
<p>"Time dilation…"</p>
<p>Caleb nodded. "We already know these people were experimenting. A beacon in <em> those hands </em>? Like I said, defying death is kind of a wizard's trademark. I can think of few who wouldn't be tempted by the idea. The possibility."</p>
<p>"We have no idea what else these beacons are capable of. It's why I wanted to study them."</p>
<p>"The stories say they were creating a weapon to destroy the gods."</p>
<p>"That's pretty much all I've heard about it. If there's any deeper knowledge, it's probably heavily protected."</p>
<p>"The Bright Queen might know. Or one in her circle. They are said to be ancient, ja?"</p>
<p>"The queen is over twelve hundred years old. Some souls are as old as hers, but not many."</p>
<p>"That's all the way back to the Calamity. At least. Think they'd share if they understood the threat?"</p>
<p>"Not with me. I can't risk going back. Too many rumors that there's still an inside man running free. The work of the Assembly, I expect."</p>
<p>"You guys not getting along anymore?" Beau asked. Caleb and Essek looked up from their heated discussion.</p>
<p>"I think they have no further use for me," Essek said. "And whatever tenuous peace exists isn't exactly threatened by infighting within the Dynasty itself."</p>
<p>"It's a distraction." Beau rubbed at her head, face lost in thought.</p>
<p>"It's true, though." Veth pointed out. "Essek isn't exactly innocent."</p>
<p>"And the Assembly would want the focus elsewhere. I knew in Nicodranas that I'd lost my use to them. And I know too much. My life is as good as forfeit if I go back. At least <em> here </em>, I'm hard to get to."</p>
<p>"But you could help topple them in the Empire." Beau's hand dropped. "My people with the Cobalt Soul are interested in taking down the Assembly. You could be an asset to them."</p>
<p>"I'm an asset to nobody if I'm dead. I'm safer here than anywhere else at present."</p>
<p>"Caleb could transform you like he did Veth," Jester piped in. "You could be anybody. And then afterward you could disappear, you know?"</p>
<p>Essek looked like he was actually considering it. "That's definitely a thought."</p>
<p>"How long until we can teleport?" Fjord asked.</p>
<p>Essek shrugged. "Two days. If the weather cooperates."</p>
<p>"Is there a way to fast track that? We are in a bit of a hurry."</p>
<p>"That is the fast track. The ship's already pushing top speed in this ice. You could try it right now, but I wouldn't recommend it outside the established safe zone."</p>
<p>"Safe zone?"</p>
<p>"It's taken nearly a century of study," he said, spreading his map out again. "The exact range seems to fluctuate a bit, but there are some landmarks that we've pinpointed that seem to be in a safe range. Two days is a lot when time is of the essence, but the results are less… messy."</p>
<p>"What do you mean by messy?" Fjord looked apprehensive, and folded his arms across his chest. "Will it rip us apart?"</p>
<p>"It can, a bit, yes. The range for error is definitely much larger. I haven't seen anyone leave <em> body parts </em> behind, but I have heard of them arriving embedded in something or vice versa. Hard to say which is worse."</p>
<p>"Embedded in something? Glad we didn't try that option." Jester shuddered. The blood pumped in her ears and she could feel them growing hot.</p>
<p>"Permanent circles are a bit more reliable, but the pain can still be excruciating inside that range. I've seen a man drop dead from it. He wasn't nearly as strong as you all, mind you, but still. Definitely nothing to be taken lightly."</p>
<p>"So, two days," Caleb said. "Then there's some time to decide."</p>
<p>Essek nodded. "In the meantime, make yourselves comfortable."</p>
<p>"Will do." Beau grabbed Caleb by the arm and led him away to exchange whispers and a few sheets of paper. He nodded at her and tucked them in a pocket.</p>
<p>Fjord headed up to the deck and Jester followed a few feet behind him, lost in thought. She thought about running forward. About grabbing Fjord's hand, the way he'd effortlessly done earlier. But it felt weird. She glanced back to see Veth waiting for Caleb. Their eyes met and she gave Jester a wink and a wiggle of her eyebrows as she jerked her head in Fjord's direction.</p>
<p>"Go. Have some <em> alone time </em>," she mouthed.</p>
<p>Jester spun back around to face forward. A blush rose on her cheeks. She trailed up the stairs up to the deck and saw Fjord chatting with one of the crew. Apparently a steam powered ship was still a novelty to him and he followed them to the upper decks as they discussed something animatedly.</p>
<p>She smiled. Another time. Instead, her feet drew her to the side rails. The water below churned as the choppy waves smashed into the side of the boat. Bits of ice pummeled against the metal with a dull grinding sound as the ship cut through the icy water.</p>
<p>Steam-powered engines pushed the ship faster as they moved further out to sea. She shuddered as she walked around the deck of the ship. But this time from the cold. It didn't usually bother her, but the wind was blowing pretty hard. She pulled her coat tighter around her and looked out at the icy ocean. Thunder sounded in the distance. She started to count the seconds until the flash, but was startled out of her reverie.</p>
<p>"Are you cold? You're never cold."</p>
<p>Fjord came up behind her and draped an arm over her shoulders. It didn't really help; he was probably as cold as she was, if not colder.</p>
<p>"I don't mind much. I'm just thinking."</p>
<p>"About what? The beacon stuff in Aeor? Cause that part's kinda freaking me out."</p>
<p>But she knew it wasn't that. Essek's words just kept playing over and over in her head. <em> "I've seen a man drop dead from it." </em></p>
<p>Dead. Vess Derogna had warned of the dangers of teleportation magic in Aeor. But, Jester hadn't taken it very seriously. Being off course wasn't that much of an issue. She'd prepared every day to give Caduceus the signal and get them all out of that place. All the times she had almost used it to get them out of danger… If it'd worked, they'd all probably have died anyway. And it would have been her fault.</p>
<p>She thought of Fjord and Orly, falling out at sea. Veth, still trapped in her goblin form, collapsing in the happy fun ball… Caduceus, dead in the cave beneath Asarius. Of Molly. She'd been right there. Helpless and half asleep as she unknowingly listened to him die. Losing them all one by one was hard enough. But everyone? All at once? Because of the spell she foolishly kept tucked in the back of her mind?</p>
<p>She shook her head.</p>
<p>"Then what is it?"</p>
<p>"So much has happened in the last week."</p>
<p>He nodded. "Yeah. How's your leg feeling now? Beau said she taught you some stretches?"</p>
<p>"I told you, I'm fine. It cramped up for a little bit a couple nights ago. Beau helped me stretch it out. That plus some more healing spells and now I'm not limping anymore."</p>
<p>"Is that where you went?"</p>
<p>"You were gone when I got back."</p>
<p>He scratched a hand at his hair. "I thought you had changed your mind. That it might have been a bit... Too much? Too fast."</p>
<p>Cuddling? Too fast? He'd slept with Avantika after knowing her for two seconds, and <em> this </em> was too fast? Jester swallowed back the comment, however. She wasn't really <em> jealous </em> of Avantika. Not anymore. Just confused. Love, she found, was super confusing.</p>
<p>Did it mean anything at all that they hadn't had sex yet? It wasn't the end all, be all that some people made it out to be, but she didn't know what to expect. Their first kiss had felt comfortable, but everything since, with a few exceptions, had been so awkward. The way they'd held hands a bit when the others weren't watching. Like they'd be in trouble if they were caught. It felt like a big deal and yet <em> not </em> at the same time.</p>
<p>But maybe she was just overthinking it all. Perhaps it was just a matter of adjusting to the new dynamic. But how? What was she supposed to do? Should she take his hand? Plant a kiss on his mouth? Rip his clothes off? She'd read so many books and it all seemed so natural in them for the characters to just <em> be </em> together. But how do people know what to do next?</p>
<p>Fjord called Avantika his ex-girlfriend. So would <em> their </em> relationship progress similarly? Was it supposed to? Or was he holding back because he regrets how he handled that? She'd thought when he'd asked to stay the night that <em> something </em> was going to happen. But it didn't. And Jester didn't know how to feel about that. Was she even ready to have sex with Fjord? Maybe not, if they were still figuring out how to be comfortable with <em> kissing </em> . But how was she supposed to <em> know? </em></p>
<p>Jester bit her lip, shaking her head, both to clear her thoughts a bit and to answer his question. "I couldn't sleep. I got up to draw another picture for Artie, because that always helps me wind down. But then my leg cramped up real bad. I heard Beau still up and thought she might know how to help."</p>
<p>"You should have woken <em> me </em>."</p>
<p>She shrugged. "You were super tired."</p>
<p>"I wouldn't have minded."</p>
<p>"It's fine."</p>
<p>"I thought I heard you talking to Caleb, too? On my way back to my room. You two aren't plotting anymore pranks are you?"</p>
<p>"<em> No </em>." Jester thought of Caleb's face when he'd told her that he had a prank in mind for Beau. She should probably tell him to call it off, given their talk the other night.</p>
<p>"Somehow, I don't believe you."</p>
<p>She narrowed her eyes and then felt them go wide when she jumped at the much closer lightning strike.</p>
<p>"You should go inside."</p>
<p>"Why?" Had she always been breathing so hard?</p>
<p>"This is going to be a bad one." He looked around at the clouds. "I can feel it."</p>
<p>"We've been through worse."</p>
<p>"Still," He nudged her toward the stairs. "I'd feel better, knowing you were out of harm's way."</p>
<p>She never told him she died. She'd been worried about the coddling. But it didn't seem to matter. It was the fourth time he'd done this today. Checked on her. Pushed her away from some perceived danger. It was sweet. Caring. A little smothering. She'd promised him she'd try to stay safe, but she was fine now. Alive. Healed. She could handle herself.</p>
<p>Veth passed by, waving teasingly at them as she crossed the deck. Fjord rolled his eyes at her and turned back to Jester. "Ignore her," he said. "But really. You should rest that leg. It's barely healed. Don't push yourself too hard."</p>
<p>"I'm not. I want to be on hand if anything else pops out of the ocean to kill us."</p>
<p>"To kill <em> me </em>?"</p>
<p>She shrugged. "It amounts to the same thing. Being on the ocean hasn't really gone super well for us so far, you know? I mean how many boats have we lost now? Or been attacked on? I'd rather not be caught unaware again."</p>
<p>"We fought them off alright last time."</p>
<p>"One of those times literally killed you, Fjord. Literally. I don't want a repeat incident. With you or anybody else."</p>
<p>He cupped her face in his hands. "Hey, I'm alright." His forehead pressed to hers.</p>
<p>She kissed his cheek. "I know. But you might not have been."</p>
<p><em> She </em> might not have been. Caleb could have failed to bring her back. Could have died trying. Or his spells could have brought that tunnel down on him too. She turned in Fjord's arms to stare back at the water. Her heart was racing. Was that Fjord's doing? A storm cloud on the horizon sent out a bolt of lightning. It crashed in her ears like the earth itself was rending in two. She jumped, clenching her fists around the railing.</p>
<p>"Come on, Jester. Inside. We'll be passing under the storm soon."</p>
<p>"You go. I'll be fine." </p>
<p>"Jessie."</p>
<p>She looked at him. His face showed clear concern, brows furrowed. But that little buzz of irritation welled up in her chest. Why was she so frustrated? It was why she'd come up here to think. She could feel everything growing tighter around her and even Fjord's touch felt confining. Too many words. They pressed in around her mind. Tight. She felt like she was back in those tunnels. The walls caving in around her.</p>
<p>Jester shrugged out of Fjord's embrace. She knew he meant well, but how do you tell your… Boyfriend? Is that what he is? They hadn't even talked about it. Veth's teasing is the closest they'd come to defining what was between them. Was a few kisses something that <em> needed </em> defining? But how do you tell your potential something that you <em> feel </em> too much? <em> Everything </em> was too much. Even him. Everything Essek had said about the beacons in there. About how close she'd come to unknowingly killing all her friends. It was adding to an already full plate in her mind.</p>
<p>She didn't have room to wonder what it all could mean. Too many things were at war in her head and she just wanted quiet. Another thunder strike. She could feel it. Smell it in the air. She almost turned her head to look for the dragon. But it was dead. And the happy fun ball was back in Nicodranas. Far, far away in the south. The waves up north weren't as comforting as the ones she'd always watched out her window. These were choppy. Fierce. They weren't remotely comforting and her heart only seemed to pound harder in her chest.</p>
<p>"Did I do something wrong?"</p>
<p>"No!" She curled her hands to pull at the wrists of her coat. Confining. "It's not <em> about </em> you!" His face was stricken. She hadn't meant to snap, but it was all too much.</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" He grabbed her arms to steady her.</p>
<p>"I. Don't. Know." She pushed him. Not just away, but a full on shove. He hadn't been expecting that. A crash sounded on the deck as he hit the ground. Jester screamed.</p>
<p>The others came running onto the main deck. Beau had her staff drawn. Caleb looked at her. She probably looked insane. Pulling at her hair, she sat down and hugged her knees, face in her lap.</p>
<p>"I don't know what's wrong." Fjord's voice sounded shaken.</p>
<p>"Jes?" It was Beau now. She could hear all of their feet creaking on the deck as they approached her. Her breathing grew more frantic.</p>
<p>The sound of Caduceus's staff as it tapped. "Not magic," he said.</p>
<p>Caleb shushed them all. "Back away." His voice was firm.</p>
<p>"But she's--"</p>
<p>"I know what this is. Back. Away. And quiet."</p>
<p>Jester's heart was pounding in her ears. It was so loud. She heard one set of feet coming closer and tightened her grip on her knees, bracing for the contact. But it didn't come.</p>
<p>"Look at me, Jester." She shook her head. "It'll be alright. Look at me."</p>
<p>Her head tilted to the side and she found his eyes. So blue. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't speak. But his face was calm.</p>
<p>"It's alright." She shook her head again. "I know. It isn't right now. But it will be." He reached a hand out and placed it on the ground next to her. "I'm right here. Take my hand."</p>
<p>Jester stared at it for a minute. He didn't move. Just waited. Ages seemed to pass. Still, Caleb didn't move. Not an inch. His hand sat there on the deck. Waiting. She forced her fingers to unlace. Her hands, slowly, moved from her knees. Every muscle was twitching. Every nerve ending fired at once and the newly falling rain was almost like little lightning bolts all over her skin. Tentatively, she reached a fingertip out to brush against his palm. Then another. He sat, waiting for her. Staring her directly in the eyes. Her chest was so tight it hurt. Was she dying again? Is this what it felt like? It had happened so fast the first time. Her palm was finally flush with his and she felt his hand tighten around hers.</p>
<p>"Breathe with me." She watched him inhale, deeply and then let out a long, slow breath. She tried, but her lungs wouldn't cooperate. One shallow breath in was like daggers.</p>
<p>"Now out as long as you can." The breath escaped from her. She pushed. And pushed. All the air. Out. Away.</p>
<p>"In." Inhale.</p>
<p>The cold bit at her lungs. More painful than it should have been. Almost like ice was growing on the inside. Freezing her lungs. She could almost feel the ice starting to crack.</p>
<p>"Out." Exhale.</p>
<p>Each breath grew deeper. Fuller. She couldn't look away from those eyes. Bluer than the ocean around them, and calm. Nothing like the turbulent waves beating against the sides and rocking the ship under her feet. More like the water gently lapping the Nicodranian shoreline.</p>
<p>"What's happening now, Jester?" His voice was far away and she tried to push her senses out to hear him better over the sound of her pounding heart.</p>
<p>"C-can't," she squeaked. The words were escaping her. She could feel the blood pumping through her. Her head pounded with each heartbeat.</p>
<p>"Too much?" Yes. She let out a little more air. Easier this time. Someone understood. Caleb knew. He would help her. She nodded. He nodded back. His hand pulled away from hers and her fingers scrambled to hold onto it. But then it was back. Pressing something between their palms. Hard. Cold. She looked down to see the metal of her symbol of the Traveler in her hand.</p>
<p>Caleb held tight, pressing it firmly into her palm. "Transform with me, ja?"</p>
<p>"Fly?" Her eyes darted away to look at the encroaching storm.</p>
<p>"Nein. Stay with me, Jester." A squeeze to her hand brought her eyes right back to his.</p>
<p>"Bird?" She could barely squeak out the word. Didn't know if he could even hear her.</p>
<p>But he shook his head. "No. A cat." He snapped the fingers of his other hand and Frumpkin appeared, sitting serenely on his haunches. Caleb's eyes darted from hers to look at his cat. Just for a moment.</p>
<p>"Can't."</p>
<p>"Ja. Yes you can." His hand tightened against hers. "The Traveler will guide us." She stared at Frumpkin and then at her hand. Back up to his eyes. Blue. </p>
<p>"Together," he whispered.</p>
<p>She took the deepest breath yet and murmured a single word to the Traveler. "Please?"</p>
<p>Then she was small. And Frumpkin had darted close to her. He was purring loudly and bumped her face with his, pressing firmly against her as he swirled himself closer. Jester gave out a mewl and another cat came up to her, also purring. Golden brown fur. Dark tabby-esque stripes. His eyes were blue and curious. He moved close to her, nuzzling at her with his head.</p>
<p>The amber cat meowed at her, trotted away, turned back toward her and then away again. Lightning struck. Close. She could feel the hairs rise. Her back arch. She dug her claws down into the floor. The Caleb-cat darted back to her and nuzzled at her face again, before darting toward a door. She followed him, this time. They wound down some stairs, the third cat following behind. He led her to a warm and secure spot below decks, a good pounce or two away from a large glowing flame. He nudged and prodded at her until she curled up on the warmest patch of floor. The two cats surrounded her then, snuggling in close. A pile with Jester in the middle. As she curled up tighter, the two cats cuddled in beside her. She felt a rough tongue licking at her fur, grooming her. All around her was the sound of purring. She purred back, pressing closer to them.</p>
<p>Before long, she found herself lightly dozing. The heat from the boiler washed over them. She almost wanted to curl onto her back in the light from the fire, but she was too comfortable nestled amongst the two beside her to move. The sound from outside was dimmer here. She heard heavier feet, but warm in the cat pile, she nuzzled in closer.</p>
<p>And then she was running. Frolicking through some tall grass. She looked up to see a dark bird soaring overhead. Her legs moved faster as she hopped through the field around her, chasing it. Paws reached toward it as it lit on a fence post and then she was rising. Jester once more. Standing in front of a small house. A tree sat off to the left of the door, a branch brushing against an upper window. Shuttered.</p>
<p>The bird croaked at her and she reached a hand out to stroke its feathers. Soft. He looked up at her, but didn't resist the touch. Instead, he turned a bit. The scarred eye faced away from her now. A crack gaped on the side of his beak.</p>
<p>"What happened to you?" She held out her arm and he stepped onto her wrist. One talon was missing where his feet clamped onto her, but not enough to upset his balance. She stroked him gently with her free hand. "You've seen some shit, haven't you, pretty guy?"</p>
<p>He let out another deep call and lowered his body to take flight. She turned to follow his path and found herself face to face with a woman. </p>
<p>"You don't need to be afraid, Jester," she told her.</p>
<p>And Jester wasn't. Her eyes were familiar. Not the color, but the shape. The crows feet around the edges, the lines around her mouth… This woman had spent so much time smiling that it showed. Jester could only wonder if they would show on hers someday. The statues had sped things up a bit, but she couldn't tell yet if they were forming or not. Mama always said it was an honor to earn those lines. That it meant you were blessed, but how could that be? They were both dead.</p>
<p>Jester turned back to face the house, a wand of honey shoved in her mouth like a lollipop. But she was inside. Facing an intricately woven tapestry that seemed to go on forever.</p>
<p>She reached out a finger to trace along the panels. Each one on that line depicted a boy of no more than six. "I don't think I know this story."</p>
<p>The woman appeared at her shoulder. "How many of us know the entirety of anyone's story?"</p>
<p>"Is it real?"</p>
<p>"As real as anything. Would you like to hear it, Jester?"</p>
<p>Jester nodded. "I love stories."</p>
<p>The woman took Jester's finger and traced it all the way to the top where a woman stood, holding a bundle in her arms. A man next to her held them both, a wide smile on his face.</p>
<p>"This is a story about a little boy called Mischief."</p>
<p>"Mischief? That's a funny name for a kid."</p>
<p>"A funny name for a funny boy. See, his mother knew the first moment she held him in her arms and he opened his tiny eyes that her little one was going to be trouble."</p>
<p>"What kind of trouble?"</p>
<p>She smiled and it was familiar too. "The kind that his mother knew would be the death of her if she wasn't careful."</p>
<p>Their hands traced along the fabric as the boy grew. "His father worked long hours in the nearby towns, leaving his mother to watch over him as she helped work the fields of their small farm. And Mischief was true to his name."</p>
<p>She pointed to a picture of a boy hiding in a laundry basket, waiting to scare his mother when she came inside. He fell asleep in the sun-warmed linen and she searched for him for hours only to find him when she came back inside, sending the basket toppling over in her worry.</p>
<p>"She tried to keep him closer as she worked, but he ate an entire plant's worth of beans while she was pulling weeds from the cucumber patch." Jester laughed.</p>
<p>"She tried to encourage him to help around their small home, but even the supper wasn't safe." The boy had grabbed dough balls for rolls from the countertop and tried to juggle them. His mother turned around to see a ball of dough splat right down onto Mischief's head.</p>
<p>"Every night, before bed, she would pray to the Dawnfather. Asked him to bless her child. To shine his light down upon him that he would grow to understand compassion. Kindness. Mercy. But most of all, she prayed for the strength to be able to help teach him. Every morning, she'd sneak up to his room and see the rays of light play across his face and as each freckle bloomed, she hoped it was the light she'd prayed for.</p>
<p>"Too often, the boy would be out of bed already, hiding in the high beams of the roof above. Waiting to jump down onto his bed to frighten her." She pointed to a picture of a small boy, hunched up in the rafters above his bed, bouncing down onto his bed, arms raised as though to say, "Gotcha!"</p>
<p>"One night, as they made supper, his mother turned to find him wearing the pie crust she'd trimmed on his face like a monster's mask. He grimaced and roared just as she turned and she wasn't upset or even startled. Instead, she laughed. His little eyes lit up at her laughter and he hugged her with a wide smile back.</p>
<p>"She realized then, he hadn't been trying to frighten her or upset her at all. Mischief, for all his tricks, had only been trying to make her smile. And she did. She laughed and laughed and laughed. And her son joined her.</p>
<p>"'You're so pretty when you smile, Mama,' he said. And she was certain the Dawnfather had heard her prayer. For her boy had definitely been blessed with kindness."</p>
<p>Jester grinned at the boy on the tapestry. She could understand him. She hated to see the look on Mama's face when she talked about her lost love. The woman in the story was probably sad to see her husband go away all the time, too. Mischief, like Jester, had only wanted to take some of that sadness away.</p>
<p>The woman tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and continued. "As Mischief grew, his mother knew it would soon be time to send him to school. But she could never get him to sit still for anything. He was always running off. Disappearing. He never could stop climbing things, as though he'd reach right into the sky itself.</p>
<p>"One blustery, fall day, he climbed the tree in their small yard. It was a tall maple tree, ready to be tapped for its sap. Every day he climbed higher and higher. Determined to reach the top. But the top branches of trees are thin and fragile and the boy came tumbling down in a heap."</p>
<p>Jester gasped. "Was he okay?"</p>
<p>The boy in the picture clutched at his leg, unable to get up. His mother found him and carried him inside. She took four long sticks and some bandages and carefully wrapped the boy's leg.</p>
<p>"His mother and father couldn't afford a doctor, for the farm only earned a meager living. Instead, they bandaged him up as best they could and prayed. Mischief couldn't walk. For months, he stayed in bed, bored and lonely. Every night, however, his mother would come upstairs and read to him. He sat, enraptured at the stories she wove just for him.</p>
<p>"She'd tell him the same ones, over and over. But she longed to give him a story book of his own so he could read it himself and have the characters for company while she worked. She saved every last copper she could, and finally had saved just enough to buy one children's story from the village.</p>
<p>"The prospect of a story all his own filled him with determination. He eagerly listened to his mother as she taught him to read, though he still loved nothing more than when she tucked him in and read to him."</p>
<p>She pointed to a picture of the boy in a full leg cast, cuddled up on his mother's lap with a story book.</p>
<p>"As he healed, he was able to move a bit more, but Mischief's mother often found him reading his new book over and over until he could recite it from memory. His mind proved to be quick and clever. And when his leg healed, she knew school was going to be just fine.</p>
<p>"But she'd worked so hard to give him the book, that she pushed herself past her limits. Her body grew weak and ill and she was confined to her own bed just as he'd grown strong enough to leave his. She worried what Mischief would get up to with her too ill to watch him and his father away all day, but seeing her too ill to leave her bed, the boy brought his book to her room.</p>
<p>"'Don't worry, Mama,' he said. 'It's my turn to read to you until you are well again.'</p>
<p>"And she knew that her prayers had again been answered. For the look on his little face was full of compassion. The deepest that anyone could boast. And so he stayed by her side, true to his word, taking care of her until the illness had passed.</p>
<p>"She hoped that it meant his wandering days were over, but as soon as she was up and about, so was Mischief. He was growing older and wandering farther and farther from home. The wood near the edge of their yard was rumored to be full of fey creatures. And she knew the fey loved children, and worried each time that he disappeared that he'd be trapped in those woods forever. She warned him of the tricks of the fey, but he paid her no heed. His curiosity pulled him deep into the woods.</p>
<p>"One day she went up to his room, but the boy was gone. He was missing for hours. His mother was frantic. Until she saw him strolling from the woods with something small clutched in his arms. A kitten. Injured and badly burned. It mewled pathetically and they thought to put the poor creature out of its misery, but Mischief wouldn't have it. </p>
<p>"'I promised him, Mama,' he said. 'When I freed him from that hot metal trap, I told him I'd take care of him. Get him well again.'</p>
<p>'He won't make it, my son,' she told him. 'He is too small and too hurt.'</p>
<p>'But I promised him. He might be miserable now, but so was I with my leg. And I am better now. So I have to try. He needs me. He doesn't deserve to die.'</p>
<p>"His mother couldn't argue with that. Nor with the clear sign that the Dawnfather had blessed her child with the deepest mercy. To care for a creature on the brink of death, determined to restore it to life. All her prayers were now answered. And she was grateful for his blessings."</p>
<p>"The kitten healed and boy and cat grew into steadfast companions. When the cat couldn't accompany the boy, he sat by the door, waiting for his master to come home. They'd explore the fields, the orchards, the woods. And every day, his mother would watch them come home, a smile on her boy's face and a growing cat draped over his shoulders.</p>
<p>"Day after day, they grew and grew. Mischief was no longer a little boy, but almost a young man. And they all knew, even Mischief, that soon he'd have to leave. His mind was too bright to waste away in a small farm town. He had been accepted to school in the biggest city in the area. But he could not bring his beloved pet with him. The cat had to stay behind.</p>
<p>"His mother worried that the light of the Dawnfather might not reach him there, and was afraid to let him go. But Mischief, so much more than his name, with all the kindness, compassion, and mercy he could muster, knelt down before the cat.</p>
<p>'I must go away and cannot bring you with me. But I have a much more important job for you.' He placed the cat in his mother's lap. 'Watch over her for me. Keep her safe while I'm gone.'"</p>
<p>"Did he? Keep her safe?"</p>
<p>The woman gave Jester a sad smile. "He tried."</p>
<p>There was a noise then, and Jester stirred from her sleep, the dream fading quickly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Caleb carefully tread down the stairs into the boiler room. It was surprisingly quiet compared to outside. The crackling fires were almost comforting as they licked at the metal. Fortunately, the area remained empty save for Jester's sleeping form. Magic fires didn't need tending to stay lit.</p>
<p>Jester and Frumpkin were still curled up where he'd left them. A small smile barely touched her lips and he was grateful. They'd all been worried when she'd panicked. Fjord had caught Caleb by the sleeve as soon as he'd come upstairs. And he's pretty sure Beau would have done the same had Fjord not beaten her to it.</p>
<p>"How is she?" Fjord's eyes had gone wide.</p>
<p>"Sleeping for now." Caleb folded his arms for a little warmth. "Are <em>you</em> alright? Thought I heard a crack when you fell."</p>
<p>He waved his hand, bending the fingers experimentally. "Just my finger. Caduceus took care of it. I wasn't expecting her to push me like that. What <em>happened</em>?"</p>
<p>"Panic attack. They happen to the best of us."</p>
<p>"But why?" Beau interjected. She pushed off the wall she'd been leaning against. "What the hell set her off?"</p>
<p>Caleb shrugged. "That's a good question." He looked at Fjord. "Did she say anything?"</p>
<p>"She was worried about the ship being attacked. Again."</p>
<p>"Not unreasonable, given our track record. But to melt down like that?" Beau shook her head. "Doesn't make sense."</p>
<p>"I think it's more about one of us dying. She mentioned what happened to me. But then she said it <em> wasn't </em> about me. Sometimes I have no idea what's going on in her head."</p>
<p>Caleb felt a wave of understanding flood over him. He opened his mouth to speak, but then snapped it shut. His promise. </p>
<p>Beau caught it, however, and pointed a finger. "What? What aren't you saying, Caleb?"</p>
<p>"Nothing," he lied. His mind was racing to find a good cover. He could do that much for her. </p>
<p>"That face wasn't nothing."</p>
<p>"She's had a hard week. Everything that's happened? It's a lot, ja?"</p>
<p>"It is for all of us." Fjord pointed out.</p>
<p>Caleb sighed, making a decision. "She killed him, Fjord," he said, looking him dead in the eye. "She killed him, and then we left him behind."</p>
<p>"Molly," Beau sighed. She leaned back against the wall and slid down into a crouch.</p>
<p>Caleb nodded, glad they seemed to accept the half-truth. Lies always go down better coated in a layer of honesty. He sat down against the wall with her and awkwardly patted her knee in an attempt at comfort.</p>
<p>"She wanted to save the body."</p>
<p>"So did I." Beau and Caleb spoke at the same time.</p>
<p>"Lucien wasn't him." Fjord said, firmly.</p>
<p>"No, but somewhere in that crazy dickbag was our friend. And we owed it to that friend to at least give him another burial." Beau stared at her feet.</p>
<p>"I'd say he's probably plenty buried," Fjord replied.</p>
<p>"There's no point arguing about it now," Caleb interceded. "A proper funeral might be in order. At some point. But right now, she's got to deal with the fallout of what just happened. It's been less than a week. Give her time."</p>
<p>"I should talk to her." Fjord ran a hand over his face.</p>
<p>"Probably. But let her come to you when she's ready. What she's just been through... A battle is a battle, even if it's only inside your own head."</p>
<p>"You're speaking from experience." Beau said. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>Caleb didn't even try obfuscation. "Not recent, but yes."</p>
<p>"Then she'll be alright?"</p>
<p>He smiled a little at the foolish implication that he himself was at all <em> alright </em>, but nodded all the same. "In time."</p>
<p>"How do we help?" Fjord's voice broke a little. The strong stance he had managed to keep through the conversation had fallen away. He looked small. Helpless. Far from the man who'd once confidently held a blade to Caleb's throat. It didn't suit him. </p>
<p>Caleb placed a hand on Fjord's shoulder. "None of us can fight this one for her, but I think just being there will help. Trust her to tell you when she's ready." And now he sounded like Artagan. The words tasted strange on his own tongue. Like <em> Caleb Widogast </em>should be a source of advice for anyone.</p>
<p>Fjord's nose wrinkled in distaste. "I hate this."</p>
<p>"I don't particularly enjoy it either."</p>
<p>"She seems okay with you, though."</p>
<p>He shrugged. "Maybe because I have no room to judge her? I don't know."</p>
<p>And he really didn't. They'd always seemed to have this bond. She told him things she kept from the rest of them. Her doubts. Her worries. Even when he had been too cowardly to be honest with her about <em> his </em> problems, she'd never really shied away from confessing hers.</p>
<p>When the others had given her shit about the Traveler, it was Caleb who had listened. Supported her. And maybe <em> that </em> was it. What she needed. Support.</p>
<p>
  <em> "Trust in her judgment." </em>
</p>
<p>He had. And perhaps that really did make all the difference.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes and pushed his senses into Frumpkin's for a moment to check on her. She still slept, her face snuggled up in the cat's side. Another blink and he was back with Fjord and Beauregard, the latter of whom was stretching her arms above her head.</p>
<p>"Should I cast the tower now?"</p>
<p>"Save it until later," Beau said. "I kinda wanna sleep in tomorrow and I'd rather not get tossed out on my ass in the morning."</p>
<p>"That's fair."</p>
<p>"Just… Take care of her, okay?"</p>
<p>"I will. I've dealt with this before. She'll be alright."</p>
<p>Beau took a deep breath and headed back up the next flight of stairs and back outside. Fjord followed for a moment before turning back to Caleb.</p>
<p>"What does she need?"</p>
<p>"For now? Quiet. When she comes back up? We'll play it by ear." Caleb turned to leave and then paused. "Oh. And tell everyone not to dwell on it. She's probably going to be embarrassed about all of this."</p>
<p>"Pretend it didn't happen?"</p>
<p>"No. But let <em> her </em> be the one to push the subject, ja?"</p>
<p>"Let her come to me." </p>
<p>"Exactly."</p>
<p>His face was tormented. It wasn't only Caleb who felt physical pain at the idea of her hurting. Fjord truly cared about her and it made the ache in Caleb's heart subside a touch. She would be alright. He would make her happy in ways Caleb never could. He patted Fjord on the arm and headed to find a bite to eat.</p>
<p>Caduceus pressed a tray into his hands as soon as Caleb entered the galley. A pot of fresh tea. Cups. Sugar. Crackers. Dried fruits. A few travel biscuits he'd managed to coat in a thin layer of icing. It was fresh too, the imprint of Caleb's fingerprint lingering as he touched it.</p>
<p>"She'll probably want some sweets. Not much I can do out here, but..."</p>
<p>"She'll love it. Thanks Caduceus."</p>
<p>He nodded. "Let her know it'll pass." Caleb wrinkled his brow in confusion, but Caduceus just gave him a serene smile. "Didn't mean to eavesdrop, but your voices carry," he said. Then he adjusted the biscuits on the platter as he continued. "It's jarring at first, but you catch up to it after a bit. Feels too big, like it'll swallow you. But just breathe. It'll pass. Everything does eventually." He met Caleb's eyes. Piercing. "Tell her that."</p>
<p>Caleb's stomach dropped, but he nodded.</p>
<p>"I made that blend myself. Enjoy." A pat on the shoulder, and Caduceus was heading back up to the deck.</p>
<p>Caleb had tried to remain as silent as possible as he crept down the stairs, but his boot caught on something underfoot and he stumbled a bit as he drew closer to her. Just enough. The sugar bowl clattered against the tray as it tipped over, sending its contents all over the tray.</p>
<p>"Mist." He knelt next to her, placing the tray down on the floor. A lock of hair tumbled into his face, but he pushed it back and took a breath. He reached a hand out over the tray and muttered a few words. His hand and the sugar lifted into the air in unison. A flick of the wrist sent the loose white granules swirling neatly into a single curved line. He righted the bowl and directed the sugar back inside, placing the lid on with a soft clink.</p>
<p>"Caleb?"</p>
<p>"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." He busied himself with assembling a cup of tea for her.</p>
<p>Jester sat up, Caleb's coat falling away as she did. She pulled it back to cover her legs and looked at the fire where it roiled and cracked under the boiler. Her breathing was calm again and she took the cup he handed her without complaint.</p>
<p>She took a sip. "This is good!"</p>
<p>"Caduceus will be glad to hear that. He said he made it himself. It smells like something between tea and hot chocolate."</p>
<p>He mixed himself a cup, only with far less sugar. Floral, sweet, lightly spicy, with the smoothness of the chocolate. Something about it was simplicity itself. Comforting. Nostalgic. Even though he'd never tasted anything quite like it. Jester kept sipping at hers. He was sure that the threat of having her taste buds burned off was the only thing stopping her from gulping the whole thing right down. When it was empty, she set the cup down next to her. Her hands came to rest on her knees. She stared at them, bent up in front of her.</p>
<p>"Are you feeling any better?"</p>
<p>She shrugged. "I feel a little bit like I'm going crazy."</p>
<p>"You're not. You just got overwhelmed."</p>
<p>"I thought I was going to die."</p>
<p>"<em> No </em>." He said, waving a hand. "You're made of stronger stuff than that."</p>
<p>"Am I?" Her gaze was a million miles away.</p>
<p>"Don't you start doubting yourself, Jester. That could have happened to anyone. Especially with the week we've had."</p>
<p>"But it didn't happen to everyone. Just me. In front of everybody." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Did you tell them?"</p>
<p>"No. I promised you I wouldn't."</p>
<p>"What <em> did </em> you tell them?"</p>
<p>"I told them the truth. That you had a panic attack. But I think Caduceus seemed to sense what I wasn't saying. He didn't say it directly, but…"</p>
<p>"You think he knows?"</p>
<p>"If anyone has worked it out, it figures it'd be him."</p>
<p>She nodded. "He's been there before. Not for long, but… He knows."</p>
<p>"He knows. So I'm not alone in telling you that you're going to be alright."</p>
<p>"Am I?" she asked again. Her voice was a little broken. "I haven't felt like myself, Caleb."</p>
<p>He tilted his head. "In what way?"</p>
<p>"I can't keep my emotions under control. One second I'm fine. I'm happy. And the next I'm sad, or angry, or something else. And before I can process it, it changes again. It's too much, you know?"</p>
<p>"You've always worn your heart on your sleeve."</p>
<p>"Not like this. Nothing like this." She wiped at her nose. "You told me I get to decide. What being me means, you know? But I don't feel like I'm deciding. It's just happening."</p>
<p>"That's not exactly what I meant. We can't always control how we feel." Falling in love with Jester hadn't been a decision. It had just happened. It happened and it happened and it happened. Again and again. She would do something incredible or say something so funny he'd almost break a rib from trying to maintain his composure. He never even had time to brace for the fall.</p>
<p>"I don't even know <em>what</em> I'm feeling half of the time." She stared at her hands as they clenched in the leather of his coat.</p>
<p>He reached to place his hand on top of hers, but pulled it back before it made contact. "That's okay." She looked at him. "To not know. What I meant by saying you get to decide, was that whatever you are now, is okay. What you're thinking. What you're feeling. Who you are moving forward. There's no wrong answer."</p>
<p>"No right one either, huh?" she asked, an eyebrow quirked at him.</p>
<p>Caleb's nails dug into the scar on his palm for a moment and then he lifted his hand and gently rested it over hers. "Whoever you are is the right answer. And if that changes tomorrow or five minutes from now, that's alright. You'll be alright. This trip has been difficult for all of us. Especially you. First the statues. Then Molly. Then the tunnel…"</p>
<p>"Veth was hurt too." She said, bluntly. "I was worried about them all coddling me if they found out what really happened, ja? But as far as they know, she and I got hurt the same amount."</p>
<p>"Ja."</p>
<p>"Me versus Veth. Who's been asked to sit down? To not push herself? Nobody has questioned <em> her </em> ability to take care of herself. And I'm <em> older </em> than her. Even more so now."</p>
<p>Caleb stared at her. "Have <em> I </em> been too coddling?"</p>
<p>"No. Which also makes no sense. You <em> know </em> that it was worse. Way worse. And yet, you're the only one who treats me normal. Ja, you've taken care of me, but you haven't… I don't know. Doubted me?"</p>
<p>"I told you. You're made of stronger stuff. But you're not invincible, Jester. They might not know entirely what happened, but I think they can sense that something is off, ja? They want to help."</p>
<p>"Help how? What's wrong with me, Caleb? Why am I feeling like this?"</p>
<p>"Feeling what?"</p>
<p>"Caged? Trapped? I'm having a hard time relaxing."</p>
<p>"To avoid the dreams?"</p>
<p>She paused. The question had clearly taken her aback. Her brow furrowed and her arms tightened as she hugged her knees closer.</p>
<p>"Did you have another?"</p>
<p>Her head bobbed up and down. "Why do you think I'm having them?"</p>
<p>"You said it yourself. You're remembering it. Perhaps it's your mind's way of dealing with everything. But you don't have to deal with it alone, Jester."</p>
<p>"You think I should tell them."</p>
<p>"I think holding it in is only going to make it harder."</p>
<p>"Did it make it harder for you?"</p>
<p>It was his turn to be taken aback. His eyes flashed in surprise and he looked over at one of the fires. "I'm not an example anybody should follow."</p>
<p>"You're too hard on yourself."</p>
<p>Caleb shrugged. "We'll agree to disagree, but to answer your question, yes." He lit a fire in his hand and made the little ball flip around his fingers like some people do with coins. Fidgeting. "Telling everyone was hard. Being forced to face it. I told a few at a time, and each time it was harder than the last. Letting people in leaves you vulnerable. And you worry about what they'll say or do… But I suppose, people can surprise you."</p>
<p>"Like who?"</p>
<p>"You."</p>
<p>"Me?" Her eyebrows raised and he was glad to see her eyes free of tears.</p>
<p>"I told you. I enjoyed being seen as the person I should have been. And I was worried you'd see me differently. Family is important to you, and I didn't know how you'd react when you learned that I'd murdered mine."</p>
<p>She shook her head. "It wasn't your fault."</p>
<p>"I believed I was doing the right thing, Jester. Stamping out traitors to the Empire."</p>
<p>"The methods may have been yours, but you were built up to that. To not question. Like that scourger in Xhorhas. Do your duty. Feel nothing. You didn't fail, Caleb. You succeeded. You overcame their brainwashing. That's not nothing."</p>
<p>"Too little, too late. But that's what I'm talking about. You know what I've done. Who I was. Hells, you saw me in that cell. The things I was trained to do. That part of me is still in there. And yet, you still see good in me."</p>
<p>"Because you <em> are </em> a good person. Whatever you were before, you're a good person now. And I'm pretty sure you were before Icky-thong got his hands on you."</p>
<p>"How do you mean?" He let the flame in his hand go out.</p>
<p>"What did you want to do before he took you? With your magic?"</p>
<p>"Serve the Empire."</p>
<p>"How?"</p>
<p>He thought for a moment. "I thought I'd become a soldier like my father, but a different sort. By the end of the first year, that had shifted."</p>
<p>"Into what?"</p>
<p>"I loved learning. Loved the Academy. Before Ikithon, I thought of becoming a teacher. Nurturing young minds."</p>
<p>"Like with Veth. You helped her learn some of those spells, ja?" He nodded. "And how did it feel? Teaching her?"</p>
<p>Caleb smiled, sadly. "It felt good. Like I was doing something useful."</p>
<p>"See? That's the person you once were, too. The person you still are."</p>
<p>"When did this become about <em>you</em> comforting <em>me</em>?"</p>
<p>She grinned. "We've all done bad things. Trusted in people we probably shouldn't have. Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing so that you know what the wrong thing <em> is </em>. You're the one who keeps saying that you're a different person than you used to be. You know better now. You've changed. And grown."</p>
<p>"So have you."</p>
<p>"I don't know what I've grown into."</p>
<p>"Me either. But you're different than you were when I met you."</p>
<p>"I guess. That's not a bad thing, though. I was super spoiled. Do you remember that fight? You hated me."</p>
<p>"I didn't."</p>
<p>"You smeared shit all over your face because of me. Because I was a complete brat." He made a face. "It's okay. You can say it. But, ja. I've changed. I mean, you like me better now, right? I didn't fuck it up? You told me not to, remember?"</p>
<p>
  <em> "I'm slowly, ever so slowly, beginning to like you. So please don't fuck it up." </em>
</p>
<p>Caleb chuckled. "No. You didn't fuck it up. Far from it."</p>
<p>"Even if I'm going crazy?"</p>
<p>He shrugged. "I've been crazy. Who am I to judge?" Jester laughed. "You're not though. You're just learning to deal with the change. It's only been a few days. Give yourself a break, ja?"</p>
<p>Jester nodded. "I don't think I'm ready to tell them just yet."</p>
<p>"Well, we'll be in Nicodranas soon."</p>
<p>"You think I should tell <em> Mama </em> that I <em> died </em>?"</p>
<p>"I think it might help. You're close to her. And she might be able to give you a perspective that I can't."</p>
<p>"Ja. But she worries."</p>
<p>Of course she did. His mother had always worried about him, too. She was ever reminding him to be careful. She'd fallen apart when he'd left for school.</p>
<p>
  <em> "Stay out of trouble," she had said through tears as she'd pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Do what your teachers say. And promise me you'll come visit." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "You'll have Frumpkin to keep you company." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Ja, ja. I'll look after your cat. But a cat is no replacement for you, Bren. You have to look after my son for me." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He'd rolled his eyes and leaned back on his heels as she tied a scarf around his neck. "Ja, Mutti. Eat my vegetables. Don't stay up all night." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> She tugged him forward. "And come home. No matter how much you grow, you'll always be my baby, ja?" </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "I have to grow up sometime." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Not too fast. I swear it was only yesterday, you were falling out of that tree." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Bren kicked the ground. "My leg's been healed for years now, Mutti." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "And you make sure it stays that way, or my heart will stop. No coming home broken. But promise you'll come home." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Ich verspreche es, Mutti." </em>
</p>
<p>He smiled ruefully at the memory. "Worrying is a mother's job, I think."</p>
<p>"I don't want to be another reason she's scared of the world."</p>
<p>"Maybe she <em> needs </em> to hear it." Jester gave him a confused look. "You don't want to be coddled. Want everyone to stop doubting you?" She nodded. "Perhaps she's the same. A little belief in a person goes a long way. Look at what your belief did for Artagan."</p>
<p>"He told me you prayed to him. To help bring me back." His eyes darted away again, but he could only avoid her gaze for so long. "You didn't say anything."</p>
<p>"It felt more like an <em>argument</em>. But I don't know. I've never prayed before."</p>
<p>"Not even as a kid?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "My mother did."</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"There's a small temple to Pelor in Blumenthal. Mother would take me with her sometimes when she prayed."</p>
<p>He could see it clearly. The small stone building. As a small boy, he'd believed that that building was the famed Whitestone he'd heard of. Everything else in town was either wooden, or a dark and coarser stone. The white marble of the temple was smooth. Solid. Like it had been there for centuries and would still be there when everything else was gone.</p>
<p>He remembered the inside too. The way the ceiling arched into almost a point at the top. He'd hung upside down in a pew once and imagined sliding down the curved marble. How had they gotten it so smooth? And so high? The windows were almost that high too. So many windows. Mutti had said it was so that the light of the Dawnfather could hit every surface.</p>
<p>And it sure seemed to. The stone seemed to glow with it. Even at night, they lit it up and the firelight bounced off of every surface. Warm. He'd had to be carried home so many times because he'd fallen asleep in the heat of the light. His mother would never let him in the daytime. Not in the sun. As a child, his skin would burn in two minutes flat, if they weren't careful.</p>
<p>Awash in memory, Caleb continued. "Father only came with us once that I can remember and he waited outside."</p>
<p>"Did he not believe?"</p>
<p>Caleb wracked his brain. "I don't know. He never said anything about the gods. Any of them. Mutti would mention Pelor all the time. She was a very devout woman. But my father was… Quieter."</p>
<p>The only thing he could ever remember him believing in were superstitions. Luck. He remembered helping his father build a small flower garden for his mother. They had painstakingly gathered stones to surround it.</p>
<p>
  <em> "See here, Bren?" He pointed to a line circling the rock in his hand. "This line goes all the way around, ja? That means it's a lucky rock." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Really?" He had pulled Bren in close to trace the line with a tiny finger. He spun it over and over in his hands. It really went all the way around. Unbroken. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Ja. Can you find any more like this one? We'll need lots of them. These flowers are to make your Mutti happy. We want them to grow strong for her. Let's give them all the luck we can." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He was only about four, but he had a good eye. He dug around in the dirt at the edge of the nearby fields, pulling a rock out of the earth. A few ants ran across his hands as he disturbed their hiding spot. It was a dark greenish-grey. Egg shaped. Layered. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He geld it into the air. "Like this, Vati?" </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> His father dusted off his hands and came over to inspect it. "Perfect!" He dropped it into a pocket. "Keep looking for more," he said, and went back to flower planting. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Energized by his success, Bren threw himself into lucky-rock hunting. He knew better than to go into the fields, which limited his range considerably. The rest didn't come as easily as the first. It took him most of the day to find enough lucky rocks to make a small bordering line around the flowers. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Bren held the bottom of his shirt bunched up like a pouch to carry his findings over. His father patted his shoulder and helped Bren space them out. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "Now they'll grow really really strong. Right, Vati?" He'd looked up to stare at his father. So tall. Bren wondered if he'd be as tall as him someday. He wouldn't have a beard, though. Too scratchy. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Leofric lifted him up and settled him on his hip. He pressed a rough kiss to his cheek and ruffled his hair with a free, if dirty, hand. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> "So strong. We've given them a lot of luck. They'll need it." </em>
</p>
<p><em> He wasn't wrong. It wasn't the best spot for a flowerbed. There wasn't a lot of sun on this side of the house. All the best spots for planting were reserved for crops. Things people could actually </em> eat <em> . Flowers weren't much of a commodity in Blumenthal. More of a luxury. </em></p>
<p><em> And they grew. Not well, but steadily. Every month, from spring until the end of harvest season, his mother would get at least one fresh vase of flowers on the table. For a few weeks out of the year, the house would be more lively. Their presence seemed to brighten their plain dwelling. </em> <em> His mother would bury her face into the fragrant petals every time she passed by. Smiled brightly at the gift from "her boys." But nothing could live forever. Not even a handful of daisies.  </em></p>
<p>"It's <em>possible</em>, I suppose, that his was an unapproved god?" But even as he said it, he felt the doubt creep into his voice. That didn't feel like his father. He was always so loyal to the Empire. It wasn't his way to be defiant. Caleb should have known better than to believe it for even a second.</p>
<p>"But that wouldn't be like him, would it?"</p>
<p>He smiled softly as she, again, seemed to read his thoughts. "No."</p>
<p>She tilted her mouth to the side. "Up there. You reminded me that the Traveler was with us. Not <em> me </em> . <em> Us </em>. Does that mean you believe in Artie now? I mean, I know he doesn't really want any more followers, but..."</p>
<p>Caleb quirked up the corner of his mouth. "It would be a good trick to play on a trickster, ja?"</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. It's worth thinking about."</p>
<p>She leaned toward him. "He's a really good friend to have, you know?"</p>
<p>Caleb nodded. "He is. If anything is clear to me, it's that he really does care about you."</p>
<p>"I know that the others worry about him, but if he were going to hurt me, he'd have done it a long time ago."</p>
<p>"That's true. I might be more concerned if you were a child. The stories aren't all superstition. The fey have been known to take children."</p>
<p>Jester waved a hand at that. "He never took me anywhere for long. Just for a few hours sometimes to show me something. Mama never even knew I was gone. I think she thought the things I told her came from my imagination, you know? Most of the time, we stayed in though. I was worried that Mama would miss me too much. Like in the story, ja?"</p>
<p>"Ja. Well, there are definitely some good ones out there. He's proof."</p>
<p>"Artie is definitely a good one. Ooh! And Frumpkin." She scooped him up. "He's a <em> fey </em> cat, right?"</p>
<p>Caleb smiled and nodded. "Frumpkin and Artie," he agreed, reaching out to scritch the cat's ears.</p>
<p>He turned his head as a wooden crate tumbled over with a crash. Frumpkin darted out of Jester's arms. Caleb snapped him away for protection. The rocking of the boat grew harder. Jester gripped his arm in alarm. The rocking jerked them off balance and they tumbled into a heap. She buried her face in his chest and held onto his sleeve.</p>
<p>Caleb wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "I think we've just hit the worst of it. Hold tight."</p>
<p>A thunderous crash sounded and she pulled back a bit in alarm. Her eyes were wide. The fire around them glimmered in her teary eyes. Each breath shuddered. "Caleb. The lightning."</p>
<p>"Can't get us in here." The waves crashed against the sides of the ship. The floor beneath them gave another jerk, sending more crates toppling over. One slid in their direction and Caleb rolled the two of them over barely in time. It crashed into the wall and he arched his body over hers to cover her from projectiles.</p>
<p>Their foreheads pressed together. Her eyes were darting. Wild. "It was like all the worst things happening at once. The dragon. In the happy fun ball, ja? And then the cave-in. All at once."</p>
<p>"It'll pass." He remembered Caduceus's words and spoke them aloud. "It's jarring at first, but you catch up to it after a bit. Feels too big, like it'll swallow you. But just breathe. It'll pass. Everything does eventually."</p>
<p>He wondered if his heart, too, would learn to let her go. If the love he felt beating hard against his ribs, demanding to be set free, would ever fade with time. As he watched her with him, if the pain that always zapped through him would ever ebb away. It seemed impossible. As she held tight to him while the waves sent the ship rocking ever harder, his heart thrummed with hope. Because she felt so <em> right </em> in his embrace. In a way no one in his life ever had. Like puzzle pieces slotting together just so.</p>
<p>So Caleb held her. Close. Tight. And he knew it was wrong to take from her like that. To find pleasure in her fear and vulnerability. To hide his longing under his concern. Their faces were so close. He could kiss her. He could feel her breath on his lips and knew it would be so easy to lean in and fuse their mouths together. But he turned his head instead. For now, her comfort was in his arms, but that couldn't last. Shouldn't. He was weak. Selfish. And she deserved better. Even if his heart screamed against it.</p>
<p>Another box came their way and Jester saw it before Caleb did. She rolled them again, the wood barely grazing the side of his face as she pulled him out of the way. She was on top of him now. Her weight grounding and too wonderful for words. He was disgusting.</p>
<p>"Careful, Caleb," she said, her finger brushing the spot. "You're not bleeding, but you're squishy, ja? I've got you."</p>
<p>She braced herself over him. Strong. His arms moved to wrap around her waist and hold tight. And they rode out the storm. Together, like he'd promised her upstairs. That fear had gripped her whole body up there and he'd known he'd do anything to make it go away. Because he knew that fear well. That irrational, ever tightening fear. So easy to tangle yourself up in. Unless someone was there to cut you loose.</p>
<p>The fierce rocking of the boat that seemed ready to sink the ship, slowly subsided. Caleb thought he heard a creak or two on the stairs, but nothing appeared. More creaks and the sound of footsteps overhead. He heard people calling out from above. Checking in.</p>
<p>Jester looked up too. "Is it over?"</p>
<p>"Ja, schatz. I think the worst of it is over. Are you ready to go back up?"</p>
<p>"They're all going to be worried."</p>
<p>"Probably, ja."</p>
<p>"And I should apologize to Fjord. I shouldn't have shoved him like that."</p>
<p>And there he was. Between them, like he should be.</p>
<p>Caleb moved to stand. "He'll be fine. Just glad to see you're alright."</p>
<p>She took a deep breath. "Am I alright, Caleb?"</p>
<p>"You will be. I promise."</p>
<p>She nodded. "One day at a time, ja?"</p>
<p>"Ja."</p>
<p>He helped her to her feet. She handed him his coat and he slipped it on, gesturing for her to go first. When she got to the stairs, she paused. Took a moment to steady herself. And then, pushing back her shoulders, Jester strode up the stairs.</p>
<p>Caleb followed behind her. The metal creaked a bit under his feet. As they reached the level above, Essek peered out of his door at them. Jester waved at him and he waved back without a word. She strode past and climbed up to the main deck. Caleb paused.</p>
<p>"Is she alright?" Essek asked.</p>
<p>"Are any of us?"</p>
<p>Essek shook his head. "That's a fair point."</p>
<p>"Have you made up your mind yet?"</p>
<p>"To help you? Of course."</p>
<p>"To help us <em>topple the Cerberus Assembly</em>?"</p>
<p>He winced. "I think we should start with <em> this </em> problem first. There's something I want to show you."</p>
<p>He held the door wide and Caleb stepped through. The room was dimly lit and Caleb found himself reflexively throwing up four globules of light.</p>
<p>The chamber was plain. Slate grey. Simple sleeping quarters. A few papers lay on the desk, the only personal touches in the room. But Essek led him past all of it and ran his hand along the wall. He pressed a hidden switch and the metal wall shifted. Split. The hidden door slid open with a creak of metal to reveal a dark chamber. Caleb sent his lights in and poked his head inside.</p>
<p>"Did you wonder why this ship was cloaked?"</p>
<p>"Not anymore."</p>
<p>On the ground, carved intricately into the metal, was a teleportation circle. Essek gestured to it. "An anchor. So you can easily find your way back."</p>
<p>The dark elf's eyes had been looking just past him since he'd first brought up the Assembly back on land. Even as they'd brainstormed about the beacons, Essek almost seemed to be having that conversation with the wall. He wasn't sure if the others had picked up on it, but Caleb definitely had. He reached out to place a hand on Essek's shoulder and he froze in place.</p>
<p>"I'm not sure how much help I can be. You've all trusted me. Chosen to see a friend where you've had every reason to see an enemy."</p>
<p>"The Assembly is the only real enemy I have."</p>
<p>"And I helped them." He finally met Caleb's gaze and Caleb was surprised to see a few unshed tears. "I don't understand how you all can forgive me so easily. I started a war with your people. Because I was curious. People have died. Thousands. And for what? What has even been gained?"</p>
<p>"I helped them too." Essek tilted his head. "I helped them ruin my life and the lives of hundreds, if not thousands. I was no different from that girl we disposed of in that cell." Caleb rolled up his sleeves. "I killed. With no remorse. All to feed my own ambition. These will forever be proof of what I've done. Of what trusting in the Assembly brings."</p>
<p>"Ruin your life?"</p>
<p>"They ruin the lives of everyone they get their claws into. And some gleefully help them do it. I killed my own parents. It wasn't until my life was literally in flames, my mother's screams ringing in my ears, that I even questioned my own actions. I spent years running from them. From what I did. But with these people," Caleb pointed upward. "I might finally be able to face them down. To stop them. No more children or families need to be torn apart by the Assembly's lust for power."</p>
<p>"I don't know if I can be like you."</p>
<p>"You still have a chance. To turn the screws on them. I think your queen might be forgiving if you frame it as a plan to destabilize and destroy a too-powerful branch of the Empire's government. Or you can blame their thirst for your blood on your connection to us. On me. They probably want me gone anyway. Or will. They care nothing for anyone outside their own ranks and only barely for those within. Only for their own influence. You can help destroy all that."</p>
<p>"You're talking about the most powerful mages I've ever met. Ludinus Da'leth alone could flatten us. The whole Assembly? Our lives would be forfeit."</p>
<p>"Your life is only forfeit if you let it be. You've lost your use to the Assembly, ja? But to the Cobalt Soul you are an untapped resource. Make yourself invaluable to someone and you're worth protecting. And if needed, Jester is right. That transformation spell you helped me with can be your salvation. I think you knew that. Or you wouldn't have asked for a copy."</p>
<p>Essek shrugged. "There's truth in that, I suppose. And I've been living on borrowed time since I took those beacons..." He sighed. "I'll help you as much as I can. But returning to the continent will have to wait. You'll need eyes up here while you're gone. I can do that much for now. The rest… We'll see if all this doesn't help me find the courage you all seem to have in spades."</p>
<p>Caleb raised an eyebrow. "You'd rather face down a living city filled with unknown horrors and abominations than your own actions."</p>
<p>"For some reason, the former seems more survivable."</p>
<p>Caleb let out a huff of laughter and stared at the sigils etched into the metal for a moment, committing the circle to memory. He turned to thank Essek, but the ship rocked again. Hard. Shouts from overhead. A sharp scream shot through the air, piercing right into Caleb's heart. Jester. He and Essek looked at each other for only a second before running for the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So. It's been a long couple of weeks. Life has been a bit hectic lately, between family health problems and applying for a new job. So, thanks for your patience while I took a week off to deal with some shit and beat this chapter into shape. You guys are the best!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Pardon the late post. And thanks so much for your patience and kindness while my life has been all topsy turvy. You guys are amazing. On with the new chapter!</p><p>EDIT: I've upped the rating mostly because of the violence. Just FYI.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Jester mounted the stairs, she took a deep breath. Braced herself. She could smell the salt from the ocean on the air as she came out onto the deck. The storm still swirled around them. Thick fog blurred out the horizon at every angle. It wasn't really snow pounding down on them, it was sleet. Thick. Heavy. The wind only made it hit harder.</p><p>She looked at the torches, still burning brightly as the wind and sleet blew the flames this way and that, and was grateful for the magic that came out of every inch of the ship. She would never relish traversing a sea storm, but it'd definitely be worse in the dark. And the dark would come eventually. Sooner rather than later, if the dark clouds overhead had their way.</p><p>In what was left of the mid-afternoon light, she could see Beau and Fjord helping a crewman with the riggings. Fjord was coiling a thick rope around his arm and hand. They had to shout to be heard over the wind. Beau and Fjord looked over at her as she came up, giving her a nod and a smile, respectively. Fjord dropped his rope as she approached.</p><p>"Is everything alright?" Their voices were simultaneous and they both let out an awkward chuckle. She pointed to the rope.</p><p>"We're in the eye of the storm, so it's calmed down a bit," he called over the whistling wind. "We're preparing to go back through the other side since it seems to be moving south."</p><p>"This is calm?" Her throat hurt a bit, but she made herself raise her voice.</p><p>He laughed, shaking his head. Sleet flicked out of his hair at the movement, hitting the deck with a splat. "Believe it or not? Yes."</p><p>It was nice to see him smiling. Every glance since the tunnels had been full of worry. But Fjord seemed lighter now. Something about being on the ocean always agreed with him. The air? The smell, maybe? His shoulders almost looked broader, like the freezing ocean breeze was pumping him full of strength and confidence. He picked up another rope, coiling it in a practiced motion that spoke of the hundreds of times he had to have done it before.</p><p>Despite also growing up in a sprawling seaside city, Jester never really had that connection to the ocean that others seemed to. Perhaps it was the fact that she'd spent most of her life indoors, or her long-held belief that the ocean took her father from her, but while she <em>liked</em> the ocean, it had never called to her. Fjord on the other hand? His face was strained and his muscles shook with the effort of tightening down the ropes in the nearly gale-force winds, but the joy that almost glowed in his eyes with each crash of a wave on the side of the boat? Jester could see that Fjord heard that call. With every move, every breath, it rang in his ears. And she knew he'd follow it.</p><p>He'd seemed like such a fish out of water when they'd first met. So kind and dashing, but unsure. If it hadn't been for Fjord seeking answers from the Soltryce Academy, Jester would've continued looking for her father in all the wrong places. Meeting Fjord set her on the right path. And it was good to see that that chance meeting had done the same for him. He'd been walking far away from it at the time, but the ocean was his calling. His home. And home was a precious thing.</p><p>"You alright, Jester?" His voice was so relaxed. Casual. For once, the question didn't beg for the answer to be yes, but open to the possibility of a no. But for the moment, seeing that calm strength radiating off him made the grin come naturally to her lips.</p><p>"Ja." She knew that the wind had drowned out her whispered affirmation and gave a firm nod of her head.</p><p>That was when she spotted it.</p><p>She rubbed her eyes, thinking it was a trick of the light at first. Circling around in the clouds, it looked like a giant snake. It rode the wind currents almost like it was dancing. She moved instinctively, copying the movements. It seemed almost to blend into the clouds, only for its tail to flick at the air as it turned back around to loop the other direction.</p><p>"What are you doing?"</p><p>"Dancing with the clouds! That one kind of looks like a snake." She pointed and Fjord turned to follow her finger.</p><p>She didn't know his face could go that pale. He stared at the cloud as a flicker of lightning seemed to encircle it and trail down its long body. It had a body. Jester stopped dancing and leaned forward. The snake was more solid-looking now. Wings seemed to sprout off of it at odd intervals. Its mouth opened wide and the gale seemed to blow harder.</p><p>"Take cover! All of you!" Fjord's alarm almost went unheard.</p><p>"What is it?" The crewman nearby asked.</p><p>"I thought they were only legends." A second said as Fjord pushed the men toward the cabin door. He ran up toward the captain, his boots sliding underfoot.</p><p>"Tempest," she barely heard Fjord shout to the man. "And it's getting closer!"</p><p>Another lightning strike sent a chill down Jester's spine. It was up near the crow's nest. She could see its jaws moving. Its teeth. At least, what looked like teeth. How had it moved so <em>fast</em>? A loud thunderous slam filled the air around them. The sound of the body hitting the deck at her feet was one she knew she'd never forget. She let out a piercing scream as she looked the dead sailor in the eye. Dead before he even knew what had hit him.</p><p>Caleb burst onto the deck just as the creature let out a roar. Lightning danced across the deck. Sizzled into the damp wood. Jester jumped out of the way, but the bolts seemed to jump from the places they landed, reaching out like hands to brush against her. She let out another scream of pain. Fjord raised his sword in what was probably an attempt to deflect the bolt, but it followed the metal down his arm and he seized. His muscles twitched with the energy flowing through him. But he shook it off. Jester looked around to see the others in similar states, but Caduceus looked dazed by the shock. Fjord muttered a spell under his breath and something seemed to come over the creature. Fjord shot three blasts of crackling energy toward it, but its lithe body just weaved around them.</p><p>Beau took a running leap at the rigging and was in the crow's nest swinging wildly at the tempest with her staff. Jester could just barely hear the smacking blows making contact with it. Yasha let out scream and her wings shot out from her back. She flapped them and shot a good way up the rigging. The wind tore at her wings, preventing her from getting any higher. She grabbed tge rigging nearby and climbed up as far as she could.</p><p>Jester raised her holy symbol and murmured a quick word of prayer to the Traveler, but the blast of radiant energy zoomed past its head. The tempest turned on her and shot a lightning bolt in her direction. Fjord and Caleb reached out to nudge her out of the way, making contact with the bolt as it connected to the deck. Jester could feel the energy reach for her again. Like it had with the dragon in the happy fun ball. She could smell it on the wind and the pain coursed through her as the energy jumped into everything close to where the bolt touched down. Fjord let out an agonized scream, but Caleb clenched his jaw. Like he wouldn't give the pain the satisfaction of an outward response.</p><p>Essek appeared on the deck just as Veth fired her crossbow. He barely had time to take it in. Both bolts were buffeted by the wind and veered off-course. Veth swore loudly and moved toward Essek. Toward the place he'd just come through. There was no shelter on deck. Nowhere to hide as the creature moved toward them like the wind itself. Too fast, even for Beau to hit as it flew by. It swirled down toward the deck, stopping a few feet short, eyes full of fury.</p><p>Caleb stepped forward, gripping one of the everlit torches. It barely even reacted to the winds as they swirled around. He waved his hands around it in a familiar way. Sweeping gestures, a wave of force reaching out to push the creature off this plane. It hit the tempest square in the face, but it stayed. It shook it off and another bolt of lightning smashed into the deck. The wood blackened. Caleb tried to protect her. A field of force surrounded him and he stood in front of her as though attempting to reflect the sizzling energy away. But it didn't matter. It crackled down his shield into the deck and seemed to reach for her from beneath. The pain shot up her legs and she tried to grit her teeth against it, but couldn't hold back the scream.</p><p>Fjord yelled at the thing as though to pull its attention away and something seemed to pierce its head as he fired three more balls of energy at it. One soared by, but the other two smacked hard into its face. Its mouth opened in a scream and a beam of thunder and wind flew their way. Jester managed to dig her heels in, but Essek flew from his place on the stairs. He hit the ground with a smack. Caduceus flew a few feet back and hit the wall to the rear upper deck. Fjord and Caleb were likewise flung in his direction. They barely managed to keep their feet as Caduceus fell to the ground with the force of their bodies colliding with his.</p><p>Beau leapt from the crow's nest to land on the tempest's back. It almost seemed like she was flying. It looked like it was made of clouds, but she settled solidly between a set of wings, gripped onto it with her legs and drove her staff into its back twice. The first was knocked off course by a wildly flapping wing, but the second connected. Beau jabbed her elbow into its spine, harder than usual. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Essek moving his fist down in time with Beau's strike. She shook her fist out with the second blow, her fist sliding ineffectually off its surprisingly firm skin.</p><p>"Beau," Yasha screamed out as she joined her, two slashes cutting deep into the beast's side. Blood rained down on them. It yelled in pain, mouth opening wide to display a mouth full of teeth and Jester braced herself, but fortunately it seemed out of lightning for now. Caduceus stood and tapped his staff. Jester couldn't hear the words he spoke, but a few dozen of the scales on its body darkened and rained down on the deck. The holes it left rotted and a few mushrooms grew from them.</p><p>She pointed her symbol at the nearest hole. "Guide us, Artie." The beam of light seeped into the chink in the tempest's armor. A gigantic, translucent green cloak seemed to appear around its body and tightened around it like a vice, seeping into its very skin. The creature began to glow, soft green against the dark clouds. Pulsing.</p><p>Essek stood. He reached out a hand and sliced a finger with a dark piece of stone. He threw it up at the tempest. A dark sphere appeared at a point near the creature's rearing head. It seemed to pull the tempest closer. Veth took advantage of the creature's weakness and fired twice toward the thing's body as she ran by. The first bolt sank deep into its skin. The second blew off into the ocean. Veth didn't stick around to find out. She ducked inside for cover.</p><p>Caleb reached into his pockets and pulled a stone out with one hand and a bit of some powder in the other. He began to swirl the dusty powder around the stone, clenching it in his hands and twisting. From his pointer fingers, a small green ray of light shot toward the beast. It shifted as the beam hit, pulled closer toward the ball of dark energy nearby. The beam shot down its body, but again the creature shuddered. Caleb let out a growl of frustration as it again shook off the force of his magic.</p><p>Realizing its predicament, it pulled against Essek's spell. It pushed through almost as if it wasn't there. It's head escaped unscathed, but the force seemed to crush its body as it moved. Not enough however. It called down another flood of wind and lightning on them. Beau was barely keeping her grip on its body as the lightning and wind washed over her. And then, Jester couldn't see. She only barely heard the shouts of her friends. The whistling wind blew past her and the sharp arcs of power seared through every muscle. Her vision came back to her just in time to see Caleb fall to the ground.</p><p>Yasha fell too. Jester could hear her grunt of pain as she hit the deck. Fjord shouted and sent three more blasts at the beast still hovering out of his reach. Only one sizzled past its face. The other two found their mark. It thrashed, its body swirling through the air in agony. Beau couldn't maintain her grip. She swung at it as she fell. Her staff cracked into its side, but the second sweep only threw her off balance. She twisted in the air and landed in a crouch, turning an angry face back at it.</p><p>It screamed again and shot lightning directly at Caleb's unmoving form. Caduceus, Yasha and Beau practically lit up with the energy flowing through them. Beau shook it off, but Caduceus and Yasha were dazed. They were both panting hard as they tried and failed to get up.</p><p>Jester looked at Caleb, begging him silently to move. The tempest opened its mouth as though to attack again, but Jester was already raising her symbol of the Traveler.</p><p>"Don't you dare, you piece of shit," she yelled. </p><p>Her holy symbol radiated with light. A loud gong rang through the air.</p><p>For a moment, she was afraid it had done nothing. The creature seemed to move away from them. But the wind was dying down a bit. No longer so forceful. And then the winged snake dipped and plummeted toward the roiling sea.</p><p>It hit the water and it splashed up over the deck. Ice skittered across, carried by the wave. Jester barely took notice. She ran to Caleb, falling to her knees as she went. Her stomach rolled. Her heart pounded painfully against her ribs. Not him too. Please. Not him. His head lolled to the side as she placed it in her lap. </p><p>Caduceus shook off his daze and tapped his staff. He murmured a few words. Caleb coughed as he came back to consciousness. Instinctively, he attempted to sit up, but Jester pulled him back. His muscles twitched under her hands as she braced him. Like the lightning was still shooting through them. She glanced up at Caduceus to thank him and he gave her a wan smile. His face was windswept and singed. Blood dripped from his nose and he winced as he lifted an arm to wipe it away.</p><p>Jester gripped her holy symbol and swirled her index finger around the gem on her opposite hand. She reached out one hand toward Caduceus and placed the other on Caleb's forehead.</p><p>"Artie and I can fix this." The light flowed through her fingertips and into the two of them. Wounds sealed. Blood seemed to dry and blow away on the wind. Bruises changed colors, rapidly moving from black to purple to yellow and then the skin faded back to its original color.</p><p>"Well that feels better," Caduceus said. He gave Jester a smile. "Thanks."</p><p>"Ditto."</p><p>"You're welcome. You okay, Caleb?"</p><p>"Ja. It's gone?"</p><p>"Dead as a doornail." She clapped her hands together once. "You should have seen it. Ding dong, that bitch is <em> gone </em>."</p><p>He chuckled and sat up fully. Took a deep breath. His color was better. She felt a tap on her shoulder. Veth held out a potion towards them.</p><p>"I'm fine now," Caleb said. He pushed it toward Jester. "You were hit pretty hard too. Take it."</p><p>She downed the liquid and looked around to see the others tending to their wounds. Essek held an empty flask in hand as he walked around inspecting the damage. Beau and Yasha were leaning on each other. Yasha reached out a glowing hand toward Beau but Beau grabbed it and pressed both their hands to Yasha's cheek. A gash on her forehead healed.</p><p>Fjord, similarly, rubbed at his own face, palms glowing with light. When he brought them down, he looked better. Like he'd just splashed his face with fresh water.</p><p>"You're the one experienced with ships, yes?" Essek called out to Fjord.</p><p>Fjord looked over his shoulder for a moment and then back to Essek. "Yes?"</p><p>Essek nudged a limp body out from behind the helm. "Good. We need a new captain. Can you get us out of here?"</p><p>Fjord nodded and headed up the stairs. Caduceus sent another healing spell his way as he passed.</p><p>"This could get rough. Everyone should probably hold onto something." He spun the wheel and directed the ship toward the fog.</p><p>Jester gave Caleb a hug. His heart beat firm and solid against her cheek. "You're sure you're okay, Caleb?"</p><p>He nodded. She could feel the movement of his chin against her hair. "Could be worse. Thank you."</p><p>"It would've been better if you hadn't needed healing to start with. We almost had it when you went down."</p><p>"Healing is probably for the best. I have a feeling this is only going to get worse."</p><p>As they moved further into the fog, the wind picked up a little, but not as bad as it had been before with the tempest. In fact, in its death, the fog seemed to encroach upon the ship. Like the tempest had been the only thing holding it back. The precipitation picked up. The snow got bigger and bigger. It was almost more like chunks of ice were falling from the sky. Not hail; it was too cold. Literal chunks of ice. Like they'd been sliced off an unseen glacier from above. They got bigger and bigger the further they got into the fog bank.</p><p>Jester could barely see ten feet in front of her own face. She jumped when a few larger chunks of ice shot down and lodged themselves into the wood like thrown daggers. Yasha and Beau smashed a few of them to bits and they all had to duck the shards as they burst. They were almost like ice bombs.</p><p>Essek noticed something over Veth's shoulder. He pointed and Veth pointed her crossbow over her shoulder and shot twice without looking. Something made a noise that sounded like the screechy scratch of ice as it rubbed together. Shards of ice flew at Veth from the direction Essek still pointed. She dodged them, expertly.</p><p>"What the fuck was that?"</p><p>But he had no time to respond before they were on them. The rest of the ice shards in the deck moved. Shifted. Pointed icy white--almost translucent--faces peeked out from behind wings as they stretched out and took to the air around them. Swarmed. Jester couldn't even count them all. They were everywhere. About twice the size of bats, but with limbs like some sort of gargoyle or something. They were breathing fog that seemed to seep into their bones. Jester wasn't too bothered. Cold never <em> really </em> got to her. Probably her father's blood. But her companions were already shivering. A bit. It probably wouldn't have been too bad if there was only <em> one </em>.</p><p>"What are these things?" Jester asked, her back pressing against Caleb's as she tried to keep an eye on them.</p><p>"Dunno. But I bet they don't like fire."</p><p>Three bursts of heat shot out of Caleb's hands towards some of the creatures nearby. They exploded into shards as each ray of flame hit. Veth easily ducked out of the way. Most of them did. But they were coming from every angle. With Caleb's back to hers, she could at least be sure nothing would get her from behind.</p><p>Up on the upper deck, Fjord lit up his sword. He swung twice at one of the creatures flapping around his head. He managed to deflect most of them, but a single shard dug into his bicep. Lightning crackled from around Beau's knuckles as they gripped her staff. Pop. Pop. Another ice creature burst in front of her. Beau and Veth managed to get out of the way, but Caleb took the full brunt of the ice as it pelted him.</p><p>"Ow."</p><p>"Sorry," Beau said. She air boxed and exploded another right out of the sky with bolts of lightning. The ice didn't seem to faze any of the other creatures. They just kept coming.</p><p>The wind seemed to pick up again. From two directions this time. Jester watched as Essek and some of the ice creatures went flying. He crashed into the deck. Hard. The ice creatures didn't stand much of a chance either. A few of them shattered and Caduceus was many things, but fast was never one of them. He took all the shards to his torso. He bent in pain but raised a hand to reassure them all. Hurt, but not too badly, it seemed.</p><p>Jester turned her head to see a large funneling cloud pulling in the fog around it and inching closer to Veth. A vague semblance of a face seemed to appear on its surface. Made of light and shadow rather than substance. More of the icy creatures were pulled close by the air current and then blown to bits as they were thrown. Veth dug her heels into the wood. But Caleb and Jester went down in a heap. The wind was too hard. The exploding shards dug into their skin and they weren't cold so much as sharp. They sliced at her cheeks and her exposed neck. Blood dripped from the wounds she glimpsed on Caleb's cheeks and seemed to freeze on contact with the air.</p><p>Yasha let out a primal scream and cut into a couple of the creatures batting around her. They exploded with each swipe of her sword. She seemed to move in time with Beau. Their bodies twisted to dodge or knock away most of the projectiles from the explosion, but Yasha couldn't dodge them all. She took a few to the back, the fury pouring from her every breath seeming to keep them from cutting too deeply. Beau stood in her shadow, protected from the assault by Yasha's larger form as well as her own agility.</p><p>Caduceus moved closer to the upper deck where Fjord was still being assaulted by a bunch of the ice creatures as well as the other looming funnel cloud. He tapped his staff and beetles flew from the tip. Encircled. Protected them both. They glowed and flitted ethereally, unbothered by the wind, settling into a wide perimeter and onto the backs of the creatures nearby.</p><p>Jester got to her feet, rubbing her hands together. "Come on, Artie. Think they're hungry?"</p><p>A large pink and blue lollipop appeared on the other side of Yasha, the edges serrated and sparkling despite the cloud cover. With the flourish of a hand it sank into the back of one of the flying creatures near Yasha. It maintained its flight. Barely. Gritting her teeth in frustration, Jester whispered a few words and pushed her open hand forward. A beam of radiant flame tinged with pink and green seemed to burn the creature. It let out a surprisingly low shriek that continued until it shattered into pieces. Jester ducked, but a few of the shards embedded themselves into her shoulder.</p><p>Essek's hands seemed to pulse as he moved them first closer together and further apart. Over and over. The air around them rippled and he pulled them further apart with a jerk, splaying them out in front of him. At least a couple dozen of the ice creatures went flying, fortunately exploding far enough away not to cause further damage.</p><p>"Fuck," Jester said.</p><p>"Think he'll teach me <em> that </em> one?" Caleb asked, still on the ground.</p><p>Jester held out her hand. "You can always ask, I guess?"</p><p>Veth, ignoring the danger before her, pointed her crossbow at the cloud creature on the upper deck. The bolts flew. Rather than passing through, they stuck for a moment before being pulled horizontally around as the current took them. The face seemed to grow to fill the surface. Shifting shadows made it look like it was screaming, the howling of the wind almost sounding pained and alive.</p><p>More of the flying ice gargoyles swarmed around them. Their tiny claws were too easy to bat away. Jaws of icicle-like teeth clenched in agitation. When they weren't dying, the little things were practically harmless. But they were everywhere, filling up Jester's field of vision with their wings. A few claws tore at her clothes, creating tiny slashes in the fabric. They were small, but the sheer numbers were distracting. So she didn't see the creature come up behind her.</p><p>The wind faded. Chill seeped into her skin. Through her clothes. For a moment, it was almost blissfully warmer but the freezing cold around her settled in. She couldn't breathe. The water surrounded her and she flailed her arms to no effect. She could see. Barely. The blurry sight of red hair flowing through the water next to her made her stomach drop. She would've breathed a sigh of relief, if she had a breath to give. Caleb's chest was puffed out. At least <em>he'd</em> gotten a good breath. He must have seen it coming.</p><p>She recalled the moment Fjord had given her that life-saving bit of air as she drowned in the temple of Uk'otoa. The confusion of whether or not it counted as her first kiss. For the briefest of moments, she wondered if Caleb might do the same. And despite the chill, she could feel a trace amount of heat rush to her cheeks at the thought of Caleb's lips on hers. And then she remembered something. Nott's urging in her ears that mouth to mouth was the only way to save him. She'd pressed her lips to his, without even a <em>hint</em> of hesitation, and blew into his mouth. His lips were soft. He'd shuddered. Coughed. Sat up. Eyes wide and beet red, Caleb had regained consciousness. Jester stared at him now with blush tinged cheeks. She'd done it first. Perhaps had given Fjord the idea. And if saving a life counted, it was Caleb, not Fjord, who'd been her first kiss. And she didn't know how she felt about that. And then she could barely think at all. The weight of the crushing water pressed against her and practically crushed their bodies together.</p><p>Caleb, not as lost in thought, wasn't looking at Jester at all. Fortunately, couldn't see the blush as it bloomed on her cheeks. He was staring at something outside. Intently. His hands were making arcing motions and suddenly a ripple crashed through the water as something impacted the creature around them. It shuddered with the blow, but Jester and Caleb stayed submerged. A few seconds later, more ripples in the water as what looked to be Beau's staff and feet crashed into the sides of the water elemental. The weight wasn't so crushing now. She and Caleb moved a few inches apart as the creature engulfing them adjusted to the furious attacks. And it was good they did.</p><p>Yasha's sword chopped down the center once. Twice. And the freezing air was back as the creature lost its form and the liquid fell to the deck. Jester coughed and sputtered taking a painful gulp of bitingly cold air. She looked up just in time to see a beam of radiant flame descend onto the cloud creature near Veth. Caduceus was closer now, the threat on the upper deck seemingly vanquished since they'd been under.</p><p>A gong sounded as Jester coughed out, "Just die, okay?"</p><p>The face on the tornado's surface seemed to shudder. As though the sound was pulled in too, reverberating around and around the interior of the funnel. Jester jerked a hand over her shoulder, crashing the lollipop that fortunately still hovered nearby, into one of the ice creatures. It didn't die, but it hung limply in the air as though the wind had been knocked out of it.</p><p>Essek muttered a few words and thrust his hand out to push down on the air. The whirling cloud compressed a bit, just for a moment. Where before, it had appeared to float just above the deck, it touched down. Surprisingly, the boards beneath it stayed put. Solid. Essek's face was strained with effort. Jester gave him a thumbs up. He winced, but nodded to her.</p><p>Veth looked at Beau and the two of them nodded. She jumped over a fish or something that had been caught up in the air current as it had moved in, and took off to put some distance between herself and the apparently weighted down tornado. It seemed to reach for her, whatever was inside slamming toward her, but she easily dodged. Beau was there then, smacking it soundly.</p><p>She called over her shoulder to Yasha. "I knew I could punch <em> ghosts</em>. But punching the air? And hurting it? That's tight."</p><p>Veth fired her crossbow then. The bolt cut through the center of the face and the funnel dissipated around it. Debris dropped onto the deck. Veth fired one more bolt at the same ice gargoyle Jester had hit. It burst apart. Only one shard made contact with Yasha, but she paid it no mind.</p><p>Caleb pulled a string from the pouch at his hip and his fingers dexterously flicked as it criss-crossed into a web shape. He slammed his hands to the ground then and five beams of light slid across the deck and erupted into pillars of flame under a few of the ice creatures that were honing in on Fjord. All of them erupted as the flame ate away at their icy flesh. Fjord took the sharp debris from the explosion of ice head on as he turned the wheel again, trying to knock the creatures off their targets. Only a few more remained, but the motion did its job. The airborne creatures were left behind in their wake.</p><p>The ship pushed further to sea. A wave began to crest beneath and the ship cut through it and rose with it. Rising. And rising. Jester peered over the edge of the railing and grew alarmed. They were at least a hundred feet in the air. Maybe two. As they hit the crest of it, everyone was knocked off balance. The sheer force as they all crashed to the ground was enough to leave everyone battered and bruised.</p><p>Fjord got to his feet first and swung the wheel again. He waved a hand at the water and called out to the rest of them. "Everybody hold on to something!"</p><p>The ship dived down the sharp back edge of the wave, hurling downward aided by Fjord's magic. Jester gripped the railing with both hands, but Caleb, next to her, wasn't moving. Then he was. He was sliding, face-down on the deck. Unresponsive. Jester reached out a hand to grab him and barely got a grip on his coat. He dangled and Jester could feel her arm start to pop out of its socket but she refused to let go. Her shoulders were screaming in pain, but her fingers were like a vice on the cold leather of Caleb's coat.</p><p>As the ship levelled out near the bottom, Jester lost her grip on the railing. She rolled, taking Caleb with her. They smacked into the mast, his body pinning her. Jester looked around to see the others. Fjord still held onto the wheel. His face was frozen in terror, but a few deep breaths later, he managed to school it into something blasé.</p><p>"See? No problem," he said. If his voice cracked a bit, nobody mentioned it. Because there was a mighty slam of water at his back. He managed to hold on, barely. The water cascaded over him and left him dripping and spitting frozen saltwater onto the deck.</p><p>Beau cracked a grin. "Wet-"</p><p>"Don't say it."</p><p>"-dreams again?"</p><p>Jester smiled for a second and looked at Caleb limp in her arms. Her smile fell. He still wasn't moving.</p><p>"Caleb?"</p><p>Beau readied her staff just in time. Rising from the water beside them was another enormous snake. This one was made of water instead of clouds. It loomed menacingly over the side of the ship. She thought of its attack on Fjord and her stomach dropped. Did Uk'otoa send it? Beau swung her staff and a wave of force shot toward the snake, shoving it back.</p><p>Yasha walked up next to Beau, sword clenched in her fists. "Go ahead. Get closer."</p><p>Caduceus took one step down the stairs, his staff at the ready. Jester called out to him before he could raise it. "Caduceus! Caleb!"</p><p>He turned to them, eyes wide. Took a few more steps closer. He waved his staff and then brought it down with a single word. She felt him breathe. Clutched him closer. "Careful, Caleb. You're squishy, remember?"</p><p>He nodded. She clutched her holy symbol to his chest. "We're going to be okay, ja?"</p><p>She could feel the power emanate from her hand and swirl around several of their more-injured friends. As she glanced at her shoulder, she swore she saw a green cloak covering some of the wounds from the ice creatures. When she blinked, the cloak and the blood were gone.</p><p>Caleb looked over his shoulder at her and she wondered if he could see it too. He gave her a quirk of his mouth and they looked back at the serpent just in time to see the air ripple with energy around the creature's middle. It seemed to squeeze inward, but the snake shook it off, passing right through it. Essek looked surprised and backed away.</p><p>Veth poked her hand out from where she hid behind the stairs and bolts were already flying. They dug into the water and the creature let out another shriek. Veth ducked back out of sight, trying to keep at least some semblance of a barrier between herself and this thing. It was made up of water. She had to be shaking, though her aim never showed it.</p><p>Caleb got up and stepped a few feet closer to Beau. He pulled something from his pouch and moved his hands apart. Beau grew. She towered over the rest of them and the snake honed right in on her. Water slammed into her and she took a step back from the sheer force.</p><p>"Thanks, Caleb," she yelled, sarcastically.</p><p>He gave her a thumbs up. The movement seemed to catch the creature's attention. It sent another forceful shot of water at him this time. Caleb cursed and raised his hand. The water hit a barrier and cascaded around them, ineffective. It roared and sent a third shot his way. Jester hugged him close, but again it slid over and around him, leaving him unscathed. His chin rose in defiance.</p><p>In frustration, the creature moved closer. Its tail came up around the boat, and slammed down on the deck, gripping it to crush the ship with its weight. Part of the railing gave way under the pressure. The metal screamed as it scraped against metal. Yasha swung her sword then, cutting deep into the tail. It didn't bleed, but water gushed momentarily as she pulled back.</p><p>Fjord released the wheel and took a leap off the upper deck. He brandished his sword, the blade gleaming not only with its own power, but a divine touch pouring off it in literal icy waves. Jester watched as he plunged the blade into the body of the beast. It roared as the radiant energy seared through its body. Fjord took a breath, removed the sword and, the might of Melora pulsing again through the blade, carved down into the watery torso. Beau was on it then, coming up right next to Fjord. She smashed into it twice with her staff, her wet hair whipping around as she moved. The cracks as they hit were almost like thunder and Beau followed it up with a jab to the underbelly with her off hand and then a swift roundhouse down upon the place where Jester surmised the spine should be. If creatures made up of basically all water had bones.</p><p>It began to release the ship, moving away as it did, but Beau drove her staff down over it and Yasha drove her sword in, pinning it to the deck. The creature roared, the sound akin to crashing waves. It stopped pulling. More water gushed from the wounds as Yasha removed her sword only to strike twice more. Jester could see Beau's eyes widen at Yasha's speed. She looked impressed. Jester wanted to give Yasha a thumbs up, but she wasn't looking. And they all had more to worry about.</p><p>Caduceus bowed his head and a beam of radiant flame poured down over the beast. It looked a bit rough, but it gnashed its teeth at them and she really didn't want to find out how solid those were.</p><p>Jester bowed her head too. "This thing doesn't belong here. Let's send it home."</p><p>She held out her holy symbol and could feel the spell beginning to take hold. But then she felt it give way. "Shit!"</p><p>"That's a strong one." Artie's voice in her ear was breathless. "Sorry."</p><p>Caleb looked over his shoulder. "You okay?"</p><p>Jester growled in frustration. "That should have made it leave."</p><p>"You tried."</p><p>Caleb looked back at the beast in time to see it almost shrug off Essek's spell. Though not ineffectual, his face said that the results weren't nearly where he'd expected. It thrashed violently, rocking the ship with it. Even Veth lost her footing and her shots went wide, soaring around the flailing snake's head. Jester gripped at some of the rigging and held on. Water came splashing up around them and Caleb reached into his bag, smearing a bit of guano and sulfur on his hands. He brought them together and a tiny beam of light shot up to just beyond the creatures head.</p><p>If the wave hadn't knocked them over, the sound of the explosion would have. Caleb had carefully placed his spell far enough out to keep the flames from catching on the sails, but it tore into the creature's head, boiling the water that made up its form. The freezing liquid meeting explosive heat was a little detonation all its own. An odd sort of cracking as the flames seared the water itself. It dived down, pulling away again. Or trying to.</p><p>Water slammed toward Caleb. He tried to throw up another shielding spell, but it was too strong this time. It pierced the spell wall and shot straight to his head. Another followed it, passing right through the barrier as well and slamming into his stomach. He doubled over in pain, falling to his knees on the wet deck. The beast's tail flicked Beau in the face as it unwound further, attempting to move away. It was enough of a distraction, the creature managing to barely dodge her staff as it whistled through the air. It slammed into the deck, the noise reverberating, but harmless.</p><p>It couldn't outstrip Yasha though. Her blow stopped it in its tracks. Forever. She ran her blade up its back, lengthwise, eviscerating it right up its torso. It gave one final deep scream and it went limp. The water lost form, flowing down and over the side of the ship. Yasha stared out at the waves. The clouds. A lightning bolt touched down a few hundred feet away.</p><p>"Think the Storm Lord is talking to you?" Beau asked.</p><p>"If he is, I don't know what he's saying." She looked hard and the lightning forked down again. In nearly the same spot. </p><p>Jester went over to her. "It might be a bit obvious, but do you think that's where he wants us to go?"</p><p>Yasha looked down at her. "Or maybe where he wants <em> me </em> to go?"</p><p>Beau placed a hand on Yasha's arm. "If he wants you to go, we all go. We're not losing you again."</p><p>Jester could hear the <em> I </em> in the word <em> we </em> and took a few steps back. Yasha stared at Beau and then nodded.</p><p>"I- My wings…" she rubbed at her shoulder. "I can't fly there."</p><p>Fjord waved his sword in her direction and Yasha's feet lifted from the ground. Beau grabbed hold of her hand. "Not alone. Take me with you."</p><p>Yasha nodded and scooped Beau up onto her back. "Hold on tight," she said, and took off.</p><p>Jester bent down to check on their still doubled-over wizard. "You okay, Caleb?"</p><p>He looked up to meet her gaze and without the urgent threat of death, the blush from earlier threatened to rise on her cheeks again at the sight of his eyes. He looked tired. She reached a hand out to help him up and he took it.</p><p>"Ja. I'm okay." His wince gave away the lie.</p><p>"You're hurt."</p><p>"I'd say that's probably an understatement. I'd be dead if it weren't for the two of you."</p><p>She poked at his ribs and he cried out in pain. </p><p>"Sorry. How many do you think are broken?"</p><p>"I'd guess at least two." He took a breath and winced again. "Make that three."</p><p>"Let's get inside." Fjord stepped over to them. "Some of us are going to freeze solid here in a minute."</p><p>Caleb nodded and pulled away from Jester to open his bag. She pulled him back, pulling his arm over her shoulder, settling hers gently around his waist for support. "It's my turn to take care of you, ja?"</p><p>He paused and stared at her. He looked over at Fjord for a moment, hovering concernedly nearby. "Uh. Sure."</p><p>Jester grinned and opened his bag for him. He directed her to the appropriate pouches to pull out the components to summon the tower.</p><p>Fjord asked Essek if there was anyone else that could steer the ship while they got some rest. Essek called down the stairs in undercommon and a male drow with long, braided dark hair came up. He nodded at Essek's request and headed up to the upper deck.</p><p>Fjord reached for Caleb's other arm and helped Jester carry him inside. The others followed. They sat Caleb carefully on the floor inside Essek's room to cast the spell and Fjord turned to go back upstairs.</p><p>Jester grabbed his arm. He smiled and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I'll wait for Beau and Yasha to get back. I've got to focus on this or we'll lose them to the ocean."</p><p>Jester nodded and they all gathered around Caleb as he opened the doorway in front of them.</p><p>Essek tilted his head. "Now that's one I might ask you to teach <em>me</em>."</p><p>Jester grinned and helped Caleb back to his feet. "You think the spell is cool now? Wait until you see the inside." And, half carrying Caleb, she crossed the threshold.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: You may or may not need tissues.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I never knew your ribs were so ticklish."</p><p>"Do <em>not</em> make me laugh right now, Jester."</p><p>"I'm not trying to. Stop moving."</p><p>She reached for Caleb again and lifted his shirt up to reveal his rapidly coloring ribs. Blue and purple already spreading down his chest and sides. They stood out against his pale skin. He wasn't bleeding. Anymore. The spells had taken care of that. She went to prod for broken bones again, but he squirmed and the shirt fell.</p><p>"That's <em>it</em>. I'm taking this off. It's in the way." She pulled the shirt over his head. It was riddled with puncture holes and burn marks from where the lightning had touched him.</p><p>"I'm not sure I can mend this, Caleb."</p><p>"I have another."</p><p>"Good," she said, and tossed it aside.</p><p>The first time she had seen him without a shirt, he was almost gaunt. She had known he'd been hungry before, but the evidence of that was alarming. Back then, she could easily count his ribs. He was so scrawny. Skin and bones. Now, she was glad to see that he was filling out a bit. There was a bit more definition to his muscles. His ribs looked smoother. Other than the bruising. She actually had to press in to find the breaks instead of them showing in sharp relief as his skin stretched over them.</p><p>He hissed as she found the right spot. Jester held his shoulder still so he wouldn't jerk away again. A whispered prayer and a soft pop under her hand later and his breathing grew less labored.</p><p>"The bruising might take a bit, but the bones should be back together now."</p><p>"Thank you." Caleb sat up, wincing. Jester pushed him back into the pillow. Gently. </p><p>"Not too fast. I don't have anything left if you go and break them again."</p><p>He smiled, and then winced as he shifted. "Okay. Fair." Jester wrapped some ice chunks in a cloth. She laid it over his ribs and he sighed. "Where did you get your medical knowledge, anyway?"</p><p>"Books." She wrapped more ice for the other side. "There wasn't a lot else to do in my room. I think I read every book in the entire chateau at least a dozen times or more. The medical ones were pretty boring, but they were at least something different, you know? The <em> anatomy </em> books were the <em> most </em> interesting…"</p><p>"Ja. Of course they were." He rolled his eyes at her, good naturedly.</p><p>She giggled. "No, they <em> were</em>. I just decided that I hated it."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>She shrugged, twisting the fabric in her hands. "I'd prefer if people didn't need healing in the first place. Stop the problem at the <em> source</em>, ja?"</p><p>"You can't protect us from everything, schatz."</p><p>"I can try. We almost lost you today. Twice." She pressed the ice to his right side. "You're lucky I was able to grab you in time." Her stomach twisted itself into knots at the thought.</p><p>The mere idea of her fingers reaching for him as he slid across the deck and missing? It was painful. He had always been squishy. Powerful as a cannon, but fragile as glass. Despite that fact, he felt like a fixed presence. Like she could go anywhere in the world and turn around to find him right there beside her. No matter what. Anything else was unthinkable.</p><p>She gnawed at her bottom lip as she fussed with the compresses. Caleb's hand came up to squeeze hers. Once. But it stayed there until she met his gaze again.</p><p>"Hey. You saved me, ja?"</p><p>"You saved me <em> first</em>."</p><p>He shrugged with another wince. "I'll have to disagree with you."</p><p>"Still bad?" Jester adjusted one ice compress and he jumped a little at the cold contact. She slid it further toward his back and he sighed in relief. "There we go."</p><p>It slid out of place when she let go.</p><p>"Sheisse. Sorry."</p><p>Jester bit her lip and tilted her head to the side. She fiddled with his tattered shirt.</p><p>"You said you had another, ja?"</p><p>"Ja."</p><p>"Good," she said. And began to rip it into long strips.</p><p>She tied them together to wrap around him and he was a dutiful patient, moving as she told him to. Carefully but firmly, she wrapped the cloth around his torso. The compresses held firm in place.</p><p>"Still don't move a lot," she instructed, tying the ends securely. "But this should at least keep those in the right spot."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>She tucked the ends of the knot in and smiled at him, placing her hand lightly on his chest. "Your heart condition isn't going to act up, is it?"</p><p>"I don't <em> have </em> a heart condition." His brow wrinkled in confusion.</p><p>Jester's eyes widened. "You <em> lied</em>?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>She could feel her face heat up. "I gave you mouth-to-mouth. And… You stole my first kiss."</p><p>A dawning look of comprehension flickered in his eyes and Caleb's face reddened. "I…"</p><p>"I mean I didn't think about it at the <em> time</em>, but, holy shit."</p><p>His words were quick. Reassuring. "I don't think it counts."</p><p>She laughed, shaking her head. "I mean,  that's so <em>stupid</em>." She leaned toward him. "Is that why Nott wanted<em> me or Beau </em>to do it? Cause you wanted one of us to <em>kiss</em> <em>you? </em>All you had to do was <em>ask</em>, Caleb. "</p><p>"<em>No</em>."</p><p>He was <em> so </em> red. It was so easy to rile him up. Maybe it was his pale skin in comparison to his hair, but he blushed so quickly. The flush spread all the way down his chest. Almost to his belly button. He really needed to stop doing that if he didn't want her to tease him. It was too fun.</p><p>"It was <em> her </em> idea," he said, running a hand over his face. "She thought the group might be, uh… Fracturing, ja? And that you all saving me might help bond us together again. Or something." He paused. "When you say it that way, it does sound a bit stupid, doesn't it?"</p><p>"A little bit." She wrinkled her nose and her voice took on a teasing lilt. "My first kiss, my first boob grab… I don't even know where to start to get you back for that. You owe me two of <em> your </em> firsts, Caleb."</p><p>He looked down at the holster in his lap. "You were the first person besides me to draw in my spellbook?"</p><p>"No. Not big enough."</p><p>"You were the first person I… Brought back to life?" He looked up at her.</p><p>Jester smiled. "That's a good one. So... One more, then."</p><p>"You'll think of something, I have no doubt," he said. "Danke. For taking care of me."</p><p>"You're welcome." Jester's eyes went wide. "Hey, I understood that one. I'm learning Zemnian!"</p><p>He grinned. "Slowly. Perhaps soon, you'll be able to read all my Zemnian books without a translator."</p><p>"Maybe. But you read them better." She grabbed her haversack. "Oh. And I've got something for you. But you have to promise that you won't stay up all night playing with it if I give it to you now. You promise?" She tilted her head and leaned toward him.</p><p>He gave her a confused look, but nodded.</p><p>"Say it."</p><p>"Ja. I promise."</p><p>"Good. There's a lot so you can pick your favorite." She lifted her bag, one hand holding it open and poured a dozen or so good sized rocks onto the rug in front of the fireplace. They were various sizes, but could all fit easily into the palm of a hand. A few had shinier surfaces and glinted in the firelight. Jester reached out a hand to turn them this way and that. Caleb leaned over to see.</p><p>"Where did you get those?"</p><p>"The forest. Beau helped me find some in the snow on the way to the ship. I didn't realize they were so colorful. Look!" She picked one up. "This one kind of looks like a doughnut!" She peered through the tiny hole that had somehow worn through the middle, training her eye on Caleb's face.</p><p>"Is that naturally formed?"</p><p>"I think so. I could paint it to look like a real doughnut if you want."</p><p>He took it from her, twisting it around. "Haven't seen a hag stone in a long time."</p><p>"Hag stone?"</p><p>"Ja. A few folktales mention them. They say that, if you peer through one, it shows things as they truly are. Sees past the illusions and disguises of the fey folk." Caleb snapped and Frumpkin appeared by the fireplace. He stretched and curled up on the rug, looking at them.</p><p>"Think it'll show us what Frumpkin really looks like? When he's not a cat or something?"</p><p>Caleb held the stone out to her. "Do you want to try?"</p><p>She took it, turning it in her hand. The hole wasn't big. Maybe big enough to roll a pea through, though it might get stuck. Holding it to her eye, she closed the other and turned to look at the cat. He stared back at her.</p><p>"Ooh," she said. "He's pretty! And he's got wings! They kind of look like a butterfly's. But glowier. And--" she dropped her hands, gasping. "Caleb. He's wearing a feathery dress."</p><p>"And I'm sure he looks fantastic in it," he said with a deadpan expression. It didn't last long. Neither of them could hold back the laugh. Caleb broke first. The burst of laughter quickly followed by a hiss of pain. "Ow."</p><p>"Sorry. You okay?"</p><p>He looked up with a pained expression, though still amused. "Ja. Forgot for a second." He took a deep, slow breath and released it just as slowly.</p><p>"Better not push it too hard."</p><p>Frumpkin came over then, standing on his hind legs on Jester's lap, to nudge at Caleb's hand with his head. Caleb's fingers automatically moved to scritch the cat's ears. "Good boy. I'm fine."</p><p>Frumpkin meowed, nudged him again, and curled up in Jester's lap, purring contentedly as she pet him. "Aw. He loves you."</p><p>"I'm fond of him, too. So. Butterfly wings?"</p><p>"Uh-huh."</p><p>"Not a magic rock then?"</p><p>She giggled and shook her head. "Nope. But you can make it one."</p><p>He took it back from her outstretched hand. Flipped it like a coin and caught it. "I could. Thanks."</p><p>"You used the other one to bring me back. The least I could do is get you a new one."</p><p>"You can find a new rock anywhere. You're irreplaceable."</p><p>She leaned over to gently hug him. "Thank you."</p><p>He smiled. "Ja. Bitte."</p><p>Jester scooped the rest of the rocks into her bag. "I'll hold onto these. If you need a new one, just tell me."</p><p>"I will."</p><p>"And I'm going to think of a good first to give you."</p><p>"I'm sure you will." </p><p>He lifted a hand to scratch at his hair and beard. They were dry now. The red looked almost like it was alive in the firelight. Back when they had met, he was so dirty that it had resembled more of a dull brown instead of red. Seeing it clean and shiny and healthy was striking. No wonder he'd stayed so dirty all the time. He was hiding a lot back then. And <em>from</em> a lot. It took a great deal to hide that jawline and the iridescent gleam of the natural reds of his hair. The beard that had grown as they'd been up north reminded her of before. She kind of hoped he'd be able to shave again soon. He had nothing to hide anymore. Even if it was warmer to have a beard in the cold, she didn't like him having to hide his face with all that hair. Not anymore.</p><p>She shook herself out of her reverie. "Do you need help to get to bed?"</p><p>"No. Well… Maybe just to stand up."</p><p>She took his hand in hers and helped him to his feet. "Now, get some sleep. You promised."</p><p>"I did. Goodnight, Jester."</p><p>"Goodnight."</p><p>She opened the door and then paused. Turned back to him. "And Caleb?"</p><p>"Ja?"</p><p>"Are there any of those hag stone stories around here?" She gestured at the walls.</p><p>He thought for a moment. "Probably. At least one."</p><p>"Will you read it to me sometime?"</p><p>He smiled. "Sure, I'll find it. But let's get out of mortal peril first, ja?"</p><p>"Ja." She smiled.</p><p>The door closed with a soft click. Jester nibbled at her lip and sank down toward her room. As she touched down onto her floor, she noticed Beau and Yasha returned from their journey. Yasha was resting her arm on the door and leaning over Beau. They were talking softly and looking deeply into each other's eyes. Jester let out an involuntary squeak and pressed her hand to her mouth.</p><p>Yasha jumped and pulled away. "Hello. Jester. I'll… Uh… I should…"</p><p>"Yeah, no. Me too. Long day." Beau stretched and leaned back against the door. She folded her arms for a second before reaching up to rub at her head. She let one arm drop, grabbing at the elbow with the other.</p><p>"Really long day," Yasha agreed. She stumbled a little as she took a few steps back toward the hole.</p><p>"I didn't mean to interrupt."</p><p>"No. It's fine," Yasha said, waving her hands awkwardly. "I was just going to bed. My bed. <em>Alone</em>."</p><p>"Yeah," Beau chimed in. "No, you're good, Jes."</p><p>Yasha looked at Beau with a soft smile. She tucked a bit of hair behind her ear. "Goodnight."</p><p>"Yeah. Night."</p><p>Yasha stepped into the space Jester had just vacated and sank out of sight. Beau's head gave a firm thump as she leaned it back against the door.</p><p>Jester whispered a quick, "zu," to the opening in the floor and the hatch closed.</p><p>She whirled around to face Beau. "I really, really, didn't mean to interrupt, Beau."</p><p>"It's okay. Probably good you did."</p><p>"Why? Did something happen?"</p><p>Beau blushed. Actually blushed. "I asked her on a date."</p><p>"Really?" Jester gave a high pitched squeal.</p><p>"A while ago. We decided to put it off, what with everything going on, but we just agreed. Nicodranas. If time allows for it."</p><p>Jester grabbed Beau's hand and squeezed. "I'm so happy for you guys!" She furrowed her brow. "So why is it good I interrupted?"</p><p>Beau opened the door to her room and walked inside. "Because. If she looked at me like that for one more second, I was going to kiss her. And I have this whole <em>moment</em> planned. Kissing her now would blow that to shit."</p><p>"Beau…"</p><p>"I told you. I want it to be special."</p><p>"I think it'll be special to her because <em>you</em> are."</p><p>"So I'm nervous. Sue me."</p><p>Jester followed Beau in and found herself plopping onto her bed. She stared at herself in the mirror above, biting her lip in thought. Beau grabbed a pillow and tossed it at Jester's face, climbing onto the bed beside her, criss-cross applesauce.</p><p>"What's that face?"</p><p>"You've kissed, like, a lot of people, ja?"</p><p>"Yup. Big slut over here."</p><p>"That's not what I meant. But, how do you know Yasha is different?"</p><p>Beau looked confused. "I've never kissed Yasha."</p><p>"You know what I <em> mean </em>."</p><p>Shrug. "She just is."</p><p>Jester held onto the pillow with one hand, flinging her arms wide. "But how do you <em> know </em> , though? Like you were with <em> Reani </em> and that girl who helped save us when we were <em> taken… </em>"</p><p>"Keg?"</p><p>"Right! Her. How do you know Yasha's different than them?"</p><p>"Because when I'm with her… I never wanna be without her. With the others, they were hot and it was fun, but I never felt anything deeper."</p><p>"So it didn't really <em> count </em> with them?"</p><p>"Yes and no. Every experience counts in some way. Just some mean more than others."</p><p>"But how do you know <em> what </em> they mean?" Jester asked, jaw clenched. She smashed the pillow into her face and groaned. Beau pulled it back, leaning over Jester as she did.</p><p>"What is this about, Jes? Fjord?"</p><p>"I don't <em> know </em>. I don't even know what counts as my first kiss, you know?"</p><p>"What do you mean?" She released the pillow and Jester sat up, hugging it in her lap.</p><p>"Like, I was never sure if him kissing me to give me air when I was drowning counted and then he <em> asked </em> to kiss me and that was nice, but then I just remembered that I gave Caleb mouth-to-mouth before all of that and does that <em> count </em>?"</p><p>"Wait, wait, wait. <em>Caleb?</em>"</p><p>"Ja. Remember he had that heart thingy and Nott said one of us needed to give him mouth-to-mouth? And I did. And it turns out he was faking the whole time and didn't need saving, so I kind of was just kissing him awake, you know? How do you know what a kiss even <em> means </em> ? Or if it means <em> anything </em>?"</p><p>"Okay. Slow down. Take a breath." Jester did. "Is this why you didn't tell me about Fjord? Because you're confused?"</p><p>Jester hesitated for a moment and then nodded. She hugged Beau's pillow to her chest. "It's so stupid though. What's there to be confused about?"</p><p>"You tell me."</p><p>Jester looked down and picked at the pillowcase. "I don't know what to say."</p><p>"What happened after the statues?"</p><p>"Fjord followed me to my room and we talked and then he asked if he could kiss me."</p><p>Beau looked impressed. "Smooth. Romantic. And?"</p><p>"And I said, ja. Totally. And it was nice. Like warm and stuff. Nothing like in the books, but not in a bad way."</p><p>"Were you nervous?"</p><p>"Ja. I mean the first time, I never knew if it counted or not, you know? Veth said maybe, but I'd never been kissed before so I don't know."</p><p>"And now?"</p><p>"When he kissed me, he said he cared for me. And I don't know if that's why he did it the <em> first </em> time? So maybe it really didn't count. Everything's so <em> confusing </em>." She fell over and buried her face into the pillow again.</p><p>"Ok. The guy likes you." She tapped Jester's arm with her fist. "Sounds pretty clear to me."</p><p>"I guess…" she took a deep breath and rolled onto her back. "I guess I've been waiting to feel <em> different </em>, you know?"</p><p>"Different?" Beau tilted her head, scooting down to lay next to Jester on the bed.</p><p>"Like something's changed. I know a lot of stuff in those books we've read are, like, <em> super </em> exaggerated and stuff, but I don't know. It didn't feel <em> anything </em> like they describe."</p><p>Beau leaned over, her elbow nudging at Jester's side. "Looked pretty hot and heavy earlier."</p><p>Jester shrugged. "That was just that time, though. It's never been like that. Even afterward. I thought it might for a second, but then it didn't. And I didn't know how to feel about it."</p><p>"Maybe you're still nervous?"</p><p>"No. It's not that. Like, he's so gentle and kind and then he kissed me like <em> that </em> the other day. And that was new, but it didn't feel <em> different </em>. Like. It was nice. It was super passionate, but I don't know. Not what I expected, maybe?"</p><p>"Hm."</p><p>"I don't know <em> what </em> I was expecting, though."</p><p>"Fireworks?"</p><p>Jester scoffed. "<em>No</em>. But something… Different. He touches me and it's warm and nice and comfortable, but it feels exactly like it did before he kissed me. I thought it would be <em> different </em>. But I don't know what it's supposed to feel like."</p><p>"I mean, I don't think there's a 'supposed to,' Jester. I think it's different for everybody."</p><p>"But how do you <em> know </em>, then?"</p><p>Beau sighed, sitting up and running a hand through her hair. "Ok. With Reani and Keg… They were a one time thing. It was cool. It was fun. It was over."</p><p>"Did you know?"</p><p>"That it was a one-off? Yeah."</p><p>"How could you tell?"</p><p>"You know, sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. Sex is just sex."</p><p>"I know <em> that </em> . My mama explained all that. Not every kiss means love. But how do you <em> tell </em> , though? I don't know what it feels like for a kiss to just be <em> nothing </em> . Like he says he cares for me, and I care about him too, but it feels the same as it did <em> before </em>. Am I broken?"</p><p>Beau rested her hand on Jester's shoulder. "You're not broken. Just inexperienced. With Keg, we were both dealing with shit. She'd lost someone too. It probably wasn't healthy, but for a bit it didn't feel so bad."</p><p>"And Reani?"</p><p>"Was for fun." Beau shrugged. "I didn't know how to process what was happening with Yasha. I didn't realize it at the time, but Reani kind of reminded me of her. The flowers, you know?" Jester nodded. "I think we both had a lot of feelings we needed to put <em> somewhere </em>."</p><p>"She really liked that girl in Uthodurn, ja?"</p><p>Beau nodded. "Sometimes you turn to the person that's <em> there </em>. When the one you really want isn't."</p><p>Jester sighed. "I don't know what it is I'm feeling. Everyone has always told me I'd just <em> know </em> . But <em> how </em>? How do people know?"</p><p>"I've never been in love before, so I'm not sure. But I think it's more about how you feel when you're with that person."</p><p>Jester turned her head to look at Beau's reflection. "How do you feel when you're with Yasha?"</p><p>"Happy. Nervous. Safe."</p><p>"Safe? You're super strong. You don't need protection."</p><p>"Not that kind of safe. Like, no matter what happens, she's got my back. Safe inside. How do you feel with Fjord?"</p><p>"I don't know. Happy? He's super handsome and kind and I've been wanting to kiss him for a long time. I just don't know. It was fun. He's a really good kisser. But it doesn't feel like anything has <em> changed </em>. Did I just build it all up in my head?"</p><p>"Maybe." Beau wrinkled her brow in thought and then set her jaw like she'd decided something. "Okay. Close your eyes. I'm gonna try something."</p><p>Jester closed her eyes. "What?"</p><p>And then Beau's lips were on hers. Jester's heart pounded. They were soft and a little demanding. Her face was smooth and angular and warm. Beau cupped Jester's cheeks in her hands and pressed in more firmly. Their tongues slid against each other. Not <em> battling for dominance </em> or whatever the books talked about, just exploring. Beau tasted like wine and sweat. Sweeter than she would have expected. And she definitely <em> hadn't </em> expected.</p><p>Beau broke away then. "There. Now you have something to compare."</p><p>"I--" Jester was a little speechless.</p><p>Beau leaned back with a groan, gripping her feet. "Don't tell me that awoke something in you."</p><p>She shook her head. "<em> No. </em>"</p><p>Beau laughed. "Good. I'm not sure I'm cool with breaking your heart."</p><p>Jester smiled at her, confused. "What about Yasha?"</p><p>"Eh." She waved a hand. "I owed that to the me of eight months ago. She'd be fucking stoked right now. But hey. Not every kiss means something. Yasha would understand, I think. Now you've had a kiss that doesn't mean anything. I mean, I love you, but not like <em> that </em>."</p><p>"That'd be weird."</p><p>"Tell me about it. But first tell me about <em> that </em>. How did it feel?"</p><p>"I mean it was a good kiss. I think if you kissed Yasha like that, it'd knock her pants off." Jester drew out the last word, elbowing her in the ribs.</p><p>"We're talking about your love life right now," Beau said, giving her a light shove. "Not mine."</p><p>Jester grinned at her. "It was nice. But you're right. It didn't mean anything." She cut her eyes to the side. "Not to <em> me </em> anyway."</p><p>"Me either."</p><p>Jester leaned over, teasing. "The you of <em> eight months ago </em>?"</p><p>"Had a tiny crush," Beau said, holding up pinched fingers. "Feelings change."</p><p>Jester thought about that. "Yeah. I guess."</p><p>"I don't think I knew what to feel when I met you. You're cute and chaotic and sweet as hell. Yeah, it started as a crush. But the love shifted."</p><p>"Into what?"</p><p>Beau sighed. "We were both raised only children. But getting to know you has let me know what having a sister is like."</p><p>Jester gave her a hug. "I hope you don't kiss all your sisters like that."</p><p>"Only you. And, I can't stress this <em> enough </em> , only the <em> once </em>. Now can I point out something?" Jester nodded. "You said the kisses with Fjord were nice too. Same nice or different?"</p><p>Jester froze. Nice. Had she kept using that word? She tried to compare the two kisses. The way it felt when Fjord pressed his lips to hers for the first time. Her heart had pounded with nerves, but then settled into something happy and warm. The way his tongue caressed hers as he held her in the snow. The way Beau's hand felt on her cheeks. The way she tasted like wine, but Fjord tasted like salt. In a good way. The kisses couldn't be more different. But there was an aching sameness there. A hollowness in her chest that only seemed to grow deeper as she acknowledged it.</p><p>"I don't love him do I?"</p><p>"Do you?"</p><p>"I always thought I did. But it shifted, didn't it?"</p><p>"Feelings do that sometimes. It doesn't mean you care about him less or that anyone did anything wrong."</p><p>"It feels like <em> I </em> did." Jester could feel the tears stinging at the corners of her eyes.</p><p>"No." Beau pulled her into a hug. "You gave it a shot. But this one was a miss. It's not a bad thing."</p><p>"It is if I hurt him."</p><p>"He's a big boy. He can handle it. Things don't always work out. It's not the end of the world."</p><p>"I never wanted to hurt anyone."</p><p>"I know. But it's part of the risk. You both knew that, didn't you?" Jester nodded. "Yeah. It might be awkward for a bit. But it <em> will </em> be okay."</p><p>"I just…"</p><p>"Knew what you were feeling. You just needed someone to tell you it was alright. And it is."</p><p>Jester flopped down beside Beau again. "I feel like I made a big deal out of it all for <em> nothing </em>."</p><p>Beau copied her, rolling onto her side to stare in her direction. "It wasn't for nothing. You know now. Your heart and your gut are on the right track. Just listen to them. And next time, you'll know."</p><p>"Next time?"</p><p>"It'll happen for you. You're pretty lovable, Jes."</p><p>"You too."</p><p>Beau rolled over onto her back. "You crashing with me tonight?"</p><p>Jester shook her head. "I think I want to paint or something for a bit."</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>"Yeah. I need to think. Thanks, Beau."</p><p>"You're welcome." Jester got up and tossed Beau her pillow. "And Caleb?"</p><p>Jester stopped. "What about him?"</p><p>"You mentioned that time he faked a heart attack. How'd that one feel?"</p><p>Jester shrugged. "I don't know. I wasn't paying attention. I was worried that if it counted, my first kiss would have happened and I would have <em> missed it </em>."</p><p>"Eh. So what if you missed it? Firsts are overrated anyway. They're awkward. Always."</p><p>"Ja. If Caleb counts, I think I almost bit him trying to blow air into his mouth. That's pretty awkward."</p><p>"Serves him right for faking a fucking heart attack." Jester laughed at her and shut the door behind her.</p><p>She sat down to her painting. The one she'd started for Caleb's room. He hadn't decorated yet. It was still plain. The sitting room was still a couch, a simple rug, and a fireplace. Plain walls. He'd grown up without a lot of things. Grown used to the lack. He'd openly admitted that he didn't know what to do for himself.</p><p>But Jester knew. Caleb had grown up poor and probably never had paintings in his home before. Definitely never had one painted just for him. This would be a first for sure. One that mattered. And she'd make sure he'd never forget it.</p><p>It was easy to throw herself into art. It was what she always did when there was something she needed to think about. Especially when there was something she didn't <em> want </em> to think about. It was easier to think about painting a gift for Caleb than it was to think about what she was going to say to Fjord. Jester loved making people happy. And she was pretty sure that the only person she knew how to make happy in that moment was Caleb. Because when she talked to Fjord, and she knew she <em> had </em> to talk to Fjord, that conversation was going to hurt. Dragging it out would be a lie. A lie he didn't deserve. But she didn't know what to <em> say </em>. Or how to say it in a way that didn't make him hate her.</p><p>So she painted. She worked well into the night. The cats brought up some food upon request so she didn't even have to stop for dinner. Each detail was coming together. Shades were blending effortlessly. Like she had magic in her brush. In her fingertips. Each stroke had a fervor to it that engrossed her. The momentum of it made her afraid to stop. Afraid that to break away now would ruin it. So she ate a scone and a handful of blueberries. Swallowed down some milk. All of it with one hand as she painted with the other. She pulled back, blowing lightly on the last line she'd painted. Jester hesitated. Didn't want it to be finished. Her eyes drifted over it, looking for a detail to refine or add. But it was perfect. And there was still so much she wanted to say with it.</p><p>She shook her head and moved to another canvas. Without an easel, she sat on the floor in front of it instead. Her arms made sweeping gestures as she outlined another piece to go with the last. It was softer. The edges took on a hazy quality as though the image was a memory from long ago, peered at through a hole the size of a pin. A moment, frozen in time. A few details were fuzzy and unclear and it bled into the painting. Sweet and nostalgic.</p><p>Another canvas. Another moment. This one was full of broader strokes. A bit whimsical. More solid… Open. Wondrous. Jester grinned as she shaded in the beginnings of a smile. A spark in the eye. She probably looked crazy, but the inspiration was flowing through her. Tears dripped down her cheeks and her brush seemed almost to move with magical intent. She held onto it and let it out.</p><p>The exhaustion was setting in. And yet she dragged herself to one more canvas. A blend between the two. Softer below the horizon line. Sharper as the sky opened above. The minute details were less important in silhouette, but they needed enough so that each was distinct. A stroke of red. Of blue. Green.</p><p>By the time she collapsed into bed, her tears were flowing in earnest. She turned her head and the woman was standing next to her.</p><p>"Don't cry, Jester."</p><p>"Does the story have a happy ending?"</p><p>The woman's hands were soft as she wiped at Jester's cheeks. A mother's touch. A mother without a child to hold. "Not all of them can."</p><p>"But I want <em> this one </em> to," she said. "I hate it when people are sad."</p><p>"I know. I'm the same. My boy. I can't bear to think of him in pain. And there has been so much pain. I never wanted to leave him. Even though I get glimpses of his voice, it's never his laugh. I would give anything to hear that. Joy. It's all a mother could want for her child."</p><p>"Have I ever met him? Is that why I'm here with you?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"But I love making people happy. Maybe I can find him for you? Make him laugh at the right time so you can hear it."</p><p>"That would be lovely. But there's no time now. Do you hear that voice? Your friend is calling to you, Jester."</p><p>"Me?"</p><p>"Listen."</p><p>Jester listened.</p><p>"Open your eyes, schatz. You'd hate to be missing this."</p><p>The woman took Jester by the hand. "You probably won't remember much of this anyway. The line between life and death is strong."</p><p>"I'll try. I promise."</p><p>"Then tell him this for me." She leaned into Jester's ear to whisper something in words she didn't understand.</p><p>"What does it mean?"</p><p>"He'll know. And he'll know it's from me. Tell him."</p><p>"Tell who?"</p><p>But she didn't answer and Jester woke up then. The words rang in her ears. <em> Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. </em></p><p>She stripped and stepped into the steaming tub. The steam seeped into her pores and her lungs as she breathed. And she knew Caleb was right about bottling it in. So she let the heat sink into her bones and then dove under the water, screaming as hard as she could.</p><p>Even in her dreams, things couldn't end happily. That woman, however kind and lovely she was, was dead. She would never hold her son again. At least, not for a long time. And things couldn't end happily for Jester and Fjord either. There would be no riding off into the sunset. She'd be lucky if he'd even talk to her after she told him the truth. But she owed him that much. It was going to be hard. And she still didn't know what to say.</p><p>She avoided him as much as she could. He spent most of the afternoon as acting captain, helping to keep them on track. Jester sat on the aft deck with her sketchbook in hand. The woman's face was getting clearer, but something in her drawing was still off. She flipped a page and drew the house instead. That was clear as glass. The roof sloped down the front at an odd angle. The walls were tall, wooden, but dark beams, both triangular and trapezoidal, criss-crossed among the lighter-colored horizontal planks. A small second story with a single window stretched perpendicular to the first floor, making the house look bigger than it was on the inside.</p><p>The window was shuttered. Most of them were. They were dark, like the beams. The one on the upper window divided down the middle and each side bore half of a small cut-out. An eight-pointed sun. There was a piece of wood, lighter in color, underneath which allowed the symbol to stand out and the shutter to keep the warmth in. A chimney jutted up to the side of the upper floor; the only stone portion of the house. The door had a coin nailed to the outside. A single tree grew out front. Its branches reached out to graze the upper shutters. There was a rock at the base of the tree, maybe the size of a loaf of bread. It was painted red with seven black dots. A smiley face, clearly drawn by a child's hand, faced outward. A rough fence encircled the front of the house, just beyond the tree. Smaller rocks, similarly painted, topped each of the fence posts.</p><p>She started to ink in a raven, standing atop the fence, when she heard someone call her name. Jester had woken late. By the time she looked up from her drawing, the sun was nearing the horizon line. She looked up as Fjord approached. Her heart hitched in her chest. She wasn't ready. The words hadn't come. All she could hear in her head were those same words over and over. <em> Tell him </em>.</p><p>But she didn't know how to tell him. People in stories were always so afraid to tell each other that they loved them. But Jester was certain that it was much harder to tell someone that you didn't. Especially when you didn't know why. Fjord was wonderful in about a hundred different ways. Kind and funny and handsome and everything she'd ever thought she wanted. And yet her heart had changed on her and she didn't know when that had happened.</p><p>She was glad to see him, but it didn't stir butterflies in her stomach or anything. Her heart hadn't raced for him until she realized she needed to let him go. And then it was from fear rather than excitement. Because she could see in his eyes that she was going to break his heart and she'd never thought of herself as the heartbreaking type. Jester had given her life to making people happy. But her mother had told her that she needed to put her own happiness at the top of her list. She'd agreed, but had never really  thought a time would come where her own happiness would destroy someone else's.</p><p>Jester found a smile as he plopped down next to her. "You're a natural at all this," she said. It took everything she had to keep the quaver out of her voice.</p><p>"I'm not a big fan of the cold," he replied. "But the ocean is the one place that has always made sense to me."</p><p>Jester nodded.</p><p>"Besides." He scooted closer and put an arm around her shoulders. "There are nice ways to warm up." Fjord kissed her then and Jester let him. It didn't last long. He pressed another kiss to her forehead and sighed. "Aren't you cold?"</p><p>"Not really. I mean, a little bit? But it's not bad."</p><p>"I would've thought you'd be inside in that studio of yours."</p><p>"I wanted some fresh air." She closed her sketchbook. "But it's getting too dark to draw anymore. The light keeps changing and I'm going to mess up the shading."</p><p>He smiled. "I'm sure it'll be fine. What were you drawing?"</p><p>Jester shrugged. "A house. I <em>was</em> trying to draw this lady I keep seeing in my dreams, but her face just isn't right. And her hair won't sit right either. So I gave up. Are we almost there?"</p><p>"Tomorrow. Late afternoon at the earliest. The damage from the attack put us behind schedule a bit, but the winds are blowing in our favor."</p><p>"Good." Jester looked back out to the sun as it inched downward. It felt like a ticking clock. Like Caleb in the tunnels under the mountains. Ding dong. Time to tell the truth. But she didn't know where to <em> start </em> to explain.</p><p>"What's on your mind?" She looked up at him. "You've been quiet all day."</p><p>"Me? Quiet?"</p><p>"Exactly." He nudged her gently with his shoulder. "So you can see my concern. Are you alright? I know I keep asking you that. And you say you're fine. But you haven't been your usual self in a bit. If something is wrong, you can talk to me about it."</p><p>Jester sighed. "I don't know," she lied. To buy time. There wasn't enough of it lately. "I just feel like… Every time I think I understand things about the world, I'm proven wrong, you know?"</p><p>"This about Molly?"</p><p>"That too. But I've spent so much time reading and wondering how the outside world would be and there are so many wonderful things in it, but there's just as many terrible things, though. I want to see the good things. And I try to. To help balance out the bad, you know?" He nodded. "I just didn't expect things to be so hard."</p><p>"I can understand that."</p><p>"It makes me feel so stupid and naive. Like I don't know anything about anything. Even myself."</p><p>"I know who you are."</p><p>She turned to face him. "Who am I?"</p><p>"You're Jester," he said, pressing his forehead to hers. "Sweet, silly, kind, <em> tricky </em> Jester. Same as you've always been."</p><p>But that wasn't true. Not really. She'd found meanness in herself that she never expected. Like when she'd been such a shit to Astrid. Caleb said it was to protect him. But she wasn't sure he had been right. She'd done things to her mother's clients to protect <em> her </em> . She bothered Beau's father because she wanted him to suffer for the pain he'd put her friend through. But what she'd done in Rexxentrum was different. She had thought of the pain Caleb had been in for all those years, while those people sat pretty. But she looked at that woman and a buzz of irritation had formed in her gut. It felt like it had been there for a <em> while </em> . And she hadn't even done anything but <em> exist </em>.</p><p>Jester became one of those horrible shitheads she'd met as a kid. One of those people who hurt others because they get some sick pleasure from seeing a smile die. She wanted to hurt Astrid in some way. Any way. To take her down a peg or two. It was the antithesis of everything she ever thought she was. And she still couldn't figure out why. Beau said to trust her gut, but sometimes her gut wasn't so easy to interpret.</p><p>Jester nibbled at her lower lip. "I'm not though," she told him. "I've changed. A lot. When I started on this journey, all I wanted was to find my father. And now I'm here. Trying to save the world from I don't even know what."</p><p>"You did find him."</p><p>"I know. And I don't have a home with him like I'd imagined. Nothing is like I pictured it would be. Everyday I see more things and it makes me wonder what I even know about anything." She took a deep breath.</p><p>Fjord held her close and it was probably wrong to lean on him right now. In the moment where she was working her way into <em> ending </em> things. But she took the small comfort anyway.</p><p>"We'll stop this thing, Jester."</p><p>"You don't know that."</p><p>"No. But I believe it. It's like the sea, right?" He gestured to the water around them. "There's always another storm on the horizon. You just have to hold on and push through."</p><p>"Ships sink though. No matter how good the sailors are."</p><p>"True. But it doesn't mean you give up." He took her hand. "If people gave up because of one sunken ship, then no one would ever get anywhere." And that was when Jester knew that he'd be okay. Whatever she said, Fjord would weather through. This wouldn't sink him. But it was going to hurt. Both of them. Because he really was wonderful. Look at him, trying to cheer her up. Rally her spirits. He was truly a captain on the water. A leader others could rally around. A spirit that could never really be broken, even if the same couldn't necessarily be said for his heart.</p><p>Jester nodded. "I guess. I don't really know much about ships. We haven't had the <em> best </em> time on the water so far, have we?"</p><p>"What? Come on. It's had its moments. Pirate's life not for you? Even under Captain Tusktooth?"</p><p>Jester giggled. "I'll always support you, Captain." She saluted. "But... To be honest? Not really. If it weren't for the tower, there wouldn't be a decent baked good to be found for <em> weeks </em> on end, you know?" She patted his knee. "I know you miss it when we're on land. But I miss land when we're on water. I miss home."</p><p>"I don't just <em> miss </em> it. It's like a part of me is missing."</p><p>"You've really found your place out here."</p><p>He nodded. "I took my oath to the Wildmother. To the sea."</p><p>Jester's eyes went wide. "When?"</p><p>"On our way to Foren. I meditated and she asked me some questions. And I agreed." He stared out to the horizon. His hair was growing out. The wind tousled it as it blew. Jester drew her coat in tighter. For comfort more than for warmth. "It felt right. Like what I was meant for."</p><p>"That's amazing, Fjord." He was amazing. <em> Why </em> didn't she love him? On paper they seemed to fit. But water and paper don't mix too well.</p><p>"I've learned so much about who I am. And I know I've got further to go. We'll stop this thing. And then we'll see what else is in store."</p><p>Jester nodded. "I'm learning a lot too. I mean…" she took a breath. "I've learned so much about <em> people </em> . Things I never could learn in books. People are too complicated to fit inside a few hundred pages. Look at Essek." She nodded to him across the deck. He was floating again. She wondered if it gave him a sense of normalcy. Control in an otherwise uncontrollable situation. "He's done some pretty shitty things, but he's not a bad person. A book would have cast him as a villain and been done with it. But he's more complex than that. Everyone is. <em> Everything </em> is."</p><p>"You befriended a hag, too."</p><p>"And maybe I'll regret that someday." She shrugged. "But it saved Veth. It gave her her body back. Gave her back to her family. So I don't. Everything about the world is more complicated than it seems. I mean…" She looked at him. Tears stung her eyes. "If it weren't for you all, I'd never understand any of it. The ways people can come together. It's nothing like in the stories. I mean, I'd only ever had one friend. Didn't know many people. I didn't really know much about being a part of something. How many different ways there are to care about people. If it weren't for you guys I wouldn't really even know what love <em> is </em>."</p><p>Fjord let out a breath and looked her in the eye. "Or what it isn't."</p><p>Her heart dropped into her stomach. The look on his face was one of pain. She'd seen a flash of it in the icy tunnels, but it was back in full force. And she had put it there. Because he knew what she was getting at. Fjord knew people. She could tiptoe around it, but he understood. The understanding was there beneath the pain. It hurt almost as much.</p><p>"Ja," she breathed.</p><p>"I thought that's where this conversation was going."</p><p>"You did?"</p><p>"Yeah. I can't say it doesn't hurt, but I thought this might happen."</p><p>"Since when?"</p><p>"Since we met. Like you said. You've been sheltered. And I was never sure if your affections were serious."</p><p>"A lot of people don't take me seriously."</p><p>"Not like that. I mean that you have an affectionate heart and you give a piece of it to everyone you meet. I was never sure if I really was special to you in a way that spoke of something <em> lasting </em>. Or if it would fade with time."</p><p>Jester was crying. "Then why did you kiss me?"</p><p>"I told you. I care for you. Very much. And after everything we've been through, I decided… Fuck it. Even just a moment with you would be worth it. I knew, whatever happened between us, that I'd rather experience it than spend my life wondering what could have been."</p><p>Jester nodded. "I'm sorry. I thought I knew what I was feeling. What I wanted. And I don't." Her voice broke and she buried her face in her lap. She didn't expect him to hug her. But he did. Of course he did. Even breaking his heart, he still cared about her.</p><p>"Why am I the one crying when I'm the one doing the breaking up?"</p><p>He sighed and stroked her hair. "Because I know that hurting me is the last thing you wanted from this."</p><p>"The problem is, I do love you. So much. But not in the way I thought, you know?"</p><p>His eyes were bright, but tear free. "I know. I love you, too."</p><p>"I always wanted to hear you say that. I just didn't expect it to be like this."</p><p>"Me either."</p><p>"So what do we do now? Is this the part where we say we'll be friends and then we just… Aren't?"</p><p>"No. This is the part where we say we'll be friends and then… We're friends." He squeezed her hand. "This all started with you and me, remember?" She nodded. "I'll be damned if I let you disappear from my life because of this. We'll get through it."</p><p>"But you said…"</p><p>"I love you, Jester," he said again. "And one day, it'll settle into the right way. It'll take time, but I'm willing to take it. I'd rather have you as a friend than not at all."</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>Fjord slipped his hand from hers and stood. He took a few steps away and paused. He turned, his expression lost in thought. Like he was trying to make up his mind about something.</p><p>"Fjord?"</p><p>"It might not mean much coming from me… Especially not right now. But, for what it's worth?" He sighed. Looked her in the eye. "I think you should tell him."</p><p>Tell him.</p><p>"<em> Tell him </em>."</p><p>That voice rang in her head, mingling with Fjord's. She looked up at him from her place on the deck.</p><p>"What? <em> Who? </em>" And she didn't know which of them she was asking. She'd asked and asked, but the woman never answered her. Jester sat, staring up at Fjord.</p><p>The corner of his mouth dipped down for a second. His shoulders straightened with resolve. He turned to leave, looking over his shoulder at her, face full of compassion. His words were carried on the wind and hovered in the air around her.</p><p>"I don't need to tell you who."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/yHM0ow6Pc_M">I'll just leave this here.</a>
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        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Reviews feed my soul.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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